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He Said/She Said: Sex in the Parent Hood

By Serge and Monica Bielanko |

Can't get enough of your love, babe

He Said:

(This is read in my Barry White-ish voice, over some Barry White-ish instrumental music)

Hey Monica. Happy Valentine’s Day.

I’ve been thinking about you today, BabyFine. You’ve been all up in my mind tonight as I remember the Old Skool Days of Love: when we were just starting out.

(music a little louder/my voice a little more urgent)

You know girl, people gonna say what they wanna say, people gonna talk and I say let them talk. We know where we been. We know who we been there with.

And I been there with you.

(big string section appears)

You know, BabyFine, it’s been a while since we made love up on the roof, under the stars shining down on the champagne sparkling in our sippy cups because they’re the only cups we’ve got since we sold the two champagne flutes we had three years ago for fifty cents at our first yard sale.

Remember, darling?

(jazz flute appears like a wild dove on the sonic horizon)


Anyway, it’s been too long but we’re alright. Love gets rolled sometimes. Down the back alleys, in the mean dark, Love gets mugged real bad.

(music louder/my voice almost singing)

But tonight. Tonight I believe that we are gonna find our way back from the dark beat-down.

Yeah, tonight, we are going to put these two kids to bed and I’m gonna take your hand and we are going to sneak up on the roof once again…like we did in the beginning.

Stars shining down on me and you, BabyFine. I’m going to pour you a little of the old champagne, too. And we’re going to toast the good and the bad and our strong strong love. Our Bionic Love.

(music so loud that your spirit can’t help but soaring so it doesn’t get run over by the sound)

And listen, girl!

If we happen to be making sweet magic out in the night, just like the old days, and if the roof damn collapses and we fall down into the bathroom in a full embrace…

…don’t worry, BabyFine.

I’ma still love you. Forever.

(music soars and then fades slow)

She Said: Roof? We never did it on the roof. Are you drunk? I’m tired. I’m going to bed.

More He Said/She Said: Click here to see Serge and Monica discuss their different parenting styles and how it affects their relationship.

You can also find Monica on her personal blog, The Girl Who while Serge can be found on Thunder Pie.

More on Babble

About Serge and Monica Bielanko


Serge and Monica Bielanko

Serge Bielanko is a former rocker (he spent 10 years touring with his band Marah) and current parent living in rural Pennsylvania with his wife Monica, a fellow Babble blogger, and their two kids. On their Babble Voices blog, He Said/She Said, Serge and Monica both write extremely candidly about relationships and their marital issues. Read bio and latest posts → Read Serge and Monica's latest posts →

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75 thoughts on “He Said/She Said: Sex in the Parent Hood

  1. Nicki says:

    I am seriously loving the He Said/She Said stuff!!! Keep up the great work! You two are hilarious!!!!

  2. Betsy Allison Tant says:

    So, so, so right. You guys rock!

  3. Wifey says:

    Hilarious. I totally put out when I’m not feeling like it. We have a 9 month old baby. If we only had sex was I was up for it, it would probably have been once over the last 9 months. I don’t give it up every time he asks, but I try to make sure it is at least once a week. I just feel bad going any longer than that. Poor guy. Plus, once we actually get started, I have a good time, so it’s not a total loss for me, either.

  4. mrsbuxton says:

    I love this. It is so true. If I could just get my husband to load the dishwasher and sweep the floor I would be all about it!

  5. April says:

    Oh I laughed so hard!!!!

  6. Sandra says:

    Please,please don’t stop doing these he said/she said entries. These are hilarious, and I love watching the dynamic between the two of you! Keep up the good work!

  7. vegmers says:

    “The Pearl Harbour of getting it on.” paired with that wistful look. Ha!

    Loving these videos.

  8. Keith says:

    “The only reason I’m doing this stoopid video is because Monica said if I did she’d put out later”….

    Picking myself off the floor.

  9. Lori Zambito says:

    This is GREAT stuff! Who cannot totally relate to this?! BTW, your husband is hot. You should have sex with him. LMFAO.

  10. TRodgers says:

    I think you guys are great. I wish my husband and I could find friends to hang out with like you guys. There just dont seem to be many “normal” people out there these days.
    LOL you made my day!

  11. ab says:

    The ending was AWESOME! I’ve got to say that I’m Team Surge this time around. It really only takes 10 minutes. You can spare the time, Monica.

  12. Candice says:

    “He’s a super cute guy.” “Hey. Hey.”

    Laughing out loud. :)

    LOVE this series!

  13. Jennifer says:

    So funny! My husband and i agrue more about sex or that lack of than anything else. Yet we have more of it now than when we were first married. The more he gets the more he wants and i hate agruing about it. I am tired and pregnant, leave me alone. He loves the pregnant boobs. Dude if you want to get some rub my back longer than .2 seconds or do the dishes after dinner. i can honestly say i am looking forward to the six week mandatory break after delivery!

  14. another monica says:

    that was great :-) i think it’s very relatable and also very brave of you to come out and say it like it is.
    i don’t know about “taking one for the team” but i do agree with what wifey said… even if i didn’t feel like it originally, once things get going i get in the mood pretty fast, and afterwards i wonder why on earth was i so reluctant to begin with.

  15. lydia says:

    Right on, Bielankos, right on. :)

  16. Kendra says:

    I love this series. My husband and I have this argument on a weekly basis. Glad to know we’re not alone!

  17. Helen says:

    PIXIE CUT. Do it.

  18. BH says:

    Thank you! Listening to you talk about sex in a long-term marriage makes me feel better about the lack of sex in my own. A young child, both of us working full time, a mortgage, and weight gain have really taken a toll.

  19. Andrea says:

    I should not have been eating while watching it’s a choking hazard. Love you guys this was great.

  20. Danielle says:

    This is real talk! Hope to see more He said/She said in the future.

  21. cassandra says:

    These just keeping getting more brilliant! Favorite part of my day thus far.

    And yes…sex starts in the head…it tags the heart…and then moves down. Start from the top.

  22. Kristin says:

    It gets better once the kids are just a little bit older…at least in my marriage it has! We’ve been having the best sex of our lives since our youngest (of 3) turned 2. And we have ALL “taken one for the team” from time-to-time. Sometimes you just get through it. Other times, as Another Monica said, you decide to take one for the team and it turns out great! Funny video, regardless!!

  23. amber dumond says:

    I seriously cannot get enough of He Said/ She Said. book worthy words.

    PS. short hair totally rules. :-)

  24. Jimmy says:

    “This video removed by user.” Awwwwww, c’mon.

  25. gina says:

    at least you had a few good years! :/ I like your format for He said/She said. It’s a great concept and I hope Babble goes for it. Rock those roof shingles.

  26. LolaK says:

    Loved it!! REALLY hope you guys get your own column!!

  27. MrsK says:

    Guffaw! This is AWESOME! Don’t cut your hair any shorter – just treat yourself to a trip to the salon for some style discussion and a trim.

  28. Karen says:

    This format is amazing – and I loved the video!

    We’re still newlyweds….but I hope it stays this way!

  29. Juli says:

    Don’t ever stop doing this. You guys need your own show.

  30. GreenInOC says:


    In addition to the hilarious statements (“our sex life is like a historical civil war battlefield – quiet with monuments”, “take a lover?! how am I going to afford that?!!”, etc…), the editing of these is fantastic and what really makes it so dang funny.

  31. Sarah says:

    I am with Wifey. You may not want to at the start but I bet you will at least be glad you will once you did :) I am kind of in a weird stage with my fiance. We have been together 8 years and the roles have been reversed. I want it way more than he does and I am now telling him he should just suck it up and take one for the team :) Monica get a DVR. Then pause Real Housewives of whatever City when the show starts and when you are done with the 10min loving you can skip through the first 2 sets of commercials :) haha

  32. Sarah says:

    O and PLEASE keep doing this guys!! It is great. I checked with “everyone” else and I think “we” all agreed 1 post a week minimum would be amazing ;)

  33. Hanni says:

    Wonderful video – you guys together are priceless.

  34. Natalie says:

    Babble, we need more of this, please. MORE!!!

    You guys are awesome.

  35. Kristen says:

    Okayyy, that last comment was an accidental paste for another post . . . . Anyways, I love this series. You guys are funny and thoughtful and I can really relate. I think so many of us find ourselves with different sexual appetites post-kids. I have often said the same thing to myself in regards to the “10 minutes” thing, and I do try to be more accomodating. . . but it’s just so hard when you feel like you’ve been taking care of everyone else’s needs all day long. It would be nice if it felt like sex was a “need” of mine, but the truth is I’d prefer to veg in front of the tv. I am really hoping that once we pass the diaper stage, I will get my groove back.

  36. Liz says:

    They would be dumb not to continue this! Great job and so funny!

  37. Alexandra says:

    It’s funny because it’s true. You guys are the cutest.

  38. Bec says:

    This is awesome. As my toddler would say, “more! more!”

  39. Belinda says:

    LOL loved it… so I hope you got some sex later Serge! ;-)

  40. Susan says:

    you guys crack me up!!! but its hard to believe after all those hot and steamy emails you let us have privy to on Monica’s blog!!!!

  41. anna says:

    Love this. A lot.

  42. Angela says:

    Great stuff! For an awesome short cut look at Michelle Williams profile pic – that cut would look fantastic on you but may cause Serge’s compass to point north…I’m just sayin :-)

  43. stella says:

    You guys are living my life…Babble has to keep this dialog going. Really enjoying it and you are not alone. I have taken one for the team on numerous occasions and its not so bad…but I wish I felt like it more than i do. LOL.

  44. Lena says:

    This is great…keep these up!

  45. Emily says:

    This was hi-larious! Not only is it applicable to my own life these days (three kids=tired mama=lower sex drive) it provided me with my daily laugh several times in those few minutes! Nice job you guys. :) And thanks for keepin’ it real. Loved it!

  46. A says:

    Brilliant, you guys are funny. Do more, more, more of these.
    And yes, cut your hair even shorter.
    Cute pixie style short.

  47. Keenie Beanie says:

    LOVE this – please keep them coming! And the ending could not have been more perfect.

  48. Teresa says:

    pixie haircut will love it-I had it for years.

  49. Jen says:

    This so great!!!! Serge’s comments were hysterical and Monica I so, so get what you are saying. I feel like I am mauled by people all day…at night I just want to be left alone. We are exactly like you guys if that makes it any better although probably slightly weirder. ;)

    As for your hair…I like it. The shaggy bob works and still gives you options, from my experience super short never works as well as you imagine it will.

  50. CD says:

    Please more he said/she said Babble — these are awesome.

  51. Tina nixon says:

    Love! Love! Love! Lmbo!

  52. katiegary says:

    oh my God I tell my hubby to go find an affair somewhere so he can be so dont feel bad! of course if he has sex w them i dont care cause i dont do it, but if thier was an emotional relationship then id be mad

  53. Jessie says:

    So great! A monument that you can’t touch! Priceless…

    You are by far not the only ones that have these issues, but I think it’s great that you are sharing. Love this series…keep ‘em up (hee, hee)

  54. Jenni says:

    LOL, “the only reason I’m doing this stupid video thingy is because she promised to have sex with me later” hahahaha

  55. Kim says:

    This is my husband and I..housewives and everything :) love it

  56. Amee says:

    Lol. Nice. BTW, every time I’ve “taken one for the team” turned out I needed it more than him. I need me, my post-coitus mellow. Mama just needed her pump primed. :)

  57. janet says:

    More! More! More!!
    please Don’t stop!
    The videos are so great
    ya’ll are so funny!!!

  58. Jess says:

    Oh my goodness I could not love these little videos more. Sweet Moses they are awesome! Keep em comin!!!

  59. Naomi says:

    I almost never watch blog videos because I’m usually reading at work, but I’ve watched both of these and they are fantastic.

  60. CB says:

    Love these videos, and seeing you guys talk. Very well done and hilarious!

    The sex issue is hard to watch b/c we are living it too, albeit with roles reversed. Two children under 3 is hard work – I just pray it gets better b/c I think it is tough for a marriage to not have that physical connection. Good luck and keep the great videos coming!

  61. Stacey says:

    Awesome. Keep ‘em coming.

  62. Adrienne says:

    Love the video! As a mother of 4 kids i completely sympathize. He doesnt understand why I dont feel sexy when he fondles my breasts when I just got done breastfeeding. And yes we all take one for the team once in a while. And I too have told my husband to take a lover sometimes I think Mormons really got it right with multiple wives! But I just need more work to get going is all because once I do I enjoy myself thoroughly. Keep the videos coming :)

  63. Nice blog man, wish I could write like you :) .

  64. mc says:

    So sad, yet so true! I have to agree…after feeling like I take care of everyone all day, I just want to veg at the end of the day. My man does a lot to help, but I always find reasons not to…

  65. Fernanda says:

    Wow, this really hits close to home!
    That used to be me and my husband, he wanted it all the time, but me after taking care of the baby, not into it, and wished he would stop. Then he did. And it hit me like a ton of bricks…It really sucked not being sought after, I tought him coming after me was annoying but it sucked a whole lot more being ignored…
    Now I have to beg him to have sex with me, cause he just got used to never getting any! So take one for the team!!!! because trust me, it could be a lot worse!

  66. Maureen says:

    I love these videos! They are so timely for me, and they never fail to crack me up!

  67. Jeni says:

    very handsome couple, but no major news here.

  68. Jacqueline says:

    Dear Babble,

    LISTEN UP! The videos Serge and Monica are posting are quite popular. Other bloggers are linking to them and making videos themselves. You’ve got a winning combo here with the Bielankos. They are funny, timely, thought provoking, and a fresh take on blogging. Please say you’ll have the Bielankos keep doing these!

    A Reader

  69. Cathy Cann says:

    LOVE it! Read them every day! They are brilliant!

  70. Jenna says:


  71. Shawna Elise says:

    This is literally the only thing my fiance and I ever fight about. As you said, I wasn’t a “sex kitten” before we had a baby, but since we have it’s far less frequent. It often makes me feel guilty. I have even done research online about having a low libido and how to fix it. I thought it was actually a problem with me. I am so relieved to see that other moms have the same problem and that it’s normal. Thanks so much for your honest posting!

  72. Erika says:

    Hilarious! My friend told me that when I don’t feel like it, I should go take a long bath and put on my smell good and make myself feel pretty. That will help me get in the mood. I said yeah but what if I’m too tired to bathe? Then what? Luckily, my husband doesn’t care if I’m clean or not.

  73. kimtisha says:


  74. kate says:

    So awesome. There are so. many. couples struggling with this. More than admit it. In fact I’m sending this to a friend.

    And the whole mauling as foreplay thing: so damn funny! And sadly true. Sigh.

  75. Nicole says:

    Love this! Its pretty true, probably to alot of married couples out there with children under 5!

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