Say What?!: Watching Wife Give Birth Ruined Guy's Sex LifeSerge Bielanko
In a recent article in the British tabloid newspaper, The Daily Mail, writer Martin Daubney tells us of the hits his sex life took after he and his wife had their first baby.
This, of course, isn’t really any sort of breaking scientific news, quite honestly. Anyone who has ever become a parent would probably attest to a lull after the stork drops the dang kid in you laps and flys off into the sunset. And again, there are no real surprises there either since new parents probably get less sleep than anyone on Earth, and have less energy, too.
The story here actually stems from the fact that Daubney claims that what actually may have damaged his sexual desire for his wife the most was witnessing the birth of his child.
In other words, seeing his baby get born ruined ruined this guy’s sex life.
“I truly believe couples would have more chance of normal intimacy after a birth if men saw less of the delivery,” Daubney writes in his piece.
He claims that lots of couples suffer that traditional set back in the bedroom after parenthood kicks but that very few people actually acknowledge the reasons why it occurs.
And it’s a compelling argument for a moment there. Anytime you mention lack of action/damaged sex life to the parents of young children, I have to believe that a million ears perk up in hopes of hearing a voice of reason or a kindred spirit.
But if you ask me, Daubney’s argument is shot down by his own friendly fire when he reveals that he believes the cause of his bedroom duress was watching his child’s birth.
I got that far and then I called b.s.
Here’s why I think that.
When each of my two children were born, my wife had serious trepidations about just how much ‘carnage’ I was going to see during the actual delivery. She expressed to me, with complete and utter sincerity I might add, that she didn’t want me to see too much/so much that I would be turned off by her body or the thought of her body in the future.
Her concerns were, in fact, completely in line with what Daubney submits to his readers and would gel quite nicely with his argument except for one thing.
I told her she was out of her !#$@*&! mind.
There was nothing, and I mean NOTHING in this universe, I told my wife, that could ever possibly keep me from watching our tiny baby being born. And beyond that, I said to her, if you think that my enormous sexual appetite for you ( I am, I daresay, an insatiable monstrosity) could or would ever be even remotely grazed by the fact that I was there to see the most insanely electrified moments in our lifetime with my eyes wide open then you, my darling, have grossly underestimated both my worth as a father and a husband, as well as my inability to keep my paws off of you even when you might not feel your sexiest.
And then, when I was done giving her my heartfelt speech, just to prove my point: I tried to climb up into the hospital bed with the poor girl and take her one last time before the epidural kicked in.
What I am trying to say here is that, although this fellows article has some really insightful points regarding the romantic struggles of new parents, when it comes to his own self-diagnosis I just don’t buy it. I believe that Mr. Daubney experienced something challenging and somewhat frightening, no doubt. Sex after parenthood can and does take on water for all sorts of reasons that I would find legitimate.
Hell, I’m trying to think back on the first time my wife and I got a little bit nasty after our daughter was born four years ago and to be brutally honest, it was so long that I was afraid I might never ever get to wear my dirty police officer’s outfit again.
So, not only do I carry empathy for this particular epidemic, but I might just be the poster child for it, ya’ll.
Yet, Daubney’s claim that these problems within a relationship could arise from the father seeing the sights of childbirth make me squeamish, way more squeamish than anything I could have seen in those hospital rooms. Except for maybe a full-on car crashing through the damn wall.
Instead, what I happened to see (and I’m not alone in saying this, I know) was something so monumentally kick ass in every possible way, shape, and form that it’s hard for me to even imagine any dad being wigged out or rattled by it to the point of celibacy.
Yes, I know that every man is an island, to borrow a crappy cliche. So perhaps it does indeed freak some guys out to the point of no return.
We are all different and we all see things from wildly varied vantages.
Still, when it all comes down to it, no matter what any of us of saw in that delivery room that day, if you have a living bambino and a breathing baby mama in your midst today then maybe, just maybe, you ought to think really long and hard before you tell the world that what you witnessed ravaged your life somehow.
That’s my take on it.
But what do you think?
Info source: The Daily Mail UK
You can also find Serge on his personal blog, Thunder Pie.
Keep up with Babble.com on Facebook.
More from Serge: