Potty FAILing (A True Story)howtobeadad
We’re in the process of sorta, kinda, not really potty training Lucas right now (2 years old). We got him a potty seat a few months back, but he started standing inside the thing. We put it away when we thought of him learning to poop and pee in it while still in the habit of using it as step stool. (Wow. That was a completely accidental pun right there.)
He doesn’t tell us ahead of time that he needs to go, but he’s gotten to the point where he tells us he’s in the process of whipping up a batch or that -DING!- his biscuits are indeed ready. Trust you me, this is a much appreciated phase for us. Diaper changes are so much easier to deal with “fresh” than if they’ve been tumbled around by two active butt cheeks or had a chance to harden like plaster for an hour or more.
In The Men’s Room
This last weekend, Lucas tagged along with me to the restroom of an upscale restaurant we were dining at. As the urinals came into sight, the super-low little boys’ urinal spoke out to me. It was telling me this was a prime opportunity for me to forward the potty revolution. To point out a future goal to Lucas and provide him with a real-world demonstration.
I called him over and pointed to the mini urinal and said, “Look, lad. You pee in it.” He looked up and smiled politely at me, not really getting it but showing that he knew whatever I was blabbing about was important to me.
“Here. Watch.” I stepped into the enclosure of the privacy guards (this wasn’t an anatomy lesson) and started… going. Lucas looked at me, then at the little urinal, then at me. He’s got it now, I thought. Then he walked up to it and grabbed the bright blue “freshness puck” from the bottom of the urinal and held it up…
“Put it back put it back put it back! Oh God! Please put it back!” I stood there writhing in place, trying to exert 2000 pounds per square inch of pressure on my bladder in a biological effort to fast forward to the end.*
* Note to the women reading this who don’t already know this: for a man, once you start peeing, it can be nearly impossible to stop.