Santa Has Coal - Parents Have Ice!Michael Sheehan
We all know the drill. If you are naughty, you get coal in your stocking. At least, this is what we tell our kids. I’m tempted just one time to have my kids be greeted with only coal in their stockings on Christmas morning and videotape the entire process. I’m sure that it has been done before though. Just once, I would like to simply sit back and say “I told you so!” and see their reactions.
Life is cruel, right? So let’s just crush that innocence and magic that is bursting to come out in our kids’ hearts. Payback is a bitch, isn’t it!
Ok, so maybe that is a bit extreme. But there is a point here to my holiday madness. Kids are taking things for granted – they EXPECT the gifts from Santa, and DEMAND what those gifts are. I’d love to put coal in there, but it isn’t really feasible. So maybe instead of putting coal in there, we do things a bit differently and use ICE. And make that FROM the parents!
I know that there is a problem already with my idea. Ice melts. But so does innocence. At least with coal, you can burn it and create warmth and fire. So Santa isn’t all that bad. And, given that the price of coal is currently averaging about $70/ton, those little lumps can add up! Santa must have a pretty big reserve somewhere to be able to disappoint all of those naughty kids out there.
Us parents probably don’t have the disposable income that Santa has. How DOES he make money and stay in business anyway? Does he have corporate sponsors that tell him to “push” their products over others? Is there a hidden “Santa Tax” somewhere that we are all paying and just don’t know about? Sounds like a 20/20 investigative segment to me. So, given that we don’t have THOSE kind of resources, we are then left to our own creative devices to convey the same “you have been naughty” indication to our kids.
That is where ICE comes into play. It’s cold (like coal), it’s lumpy (like coal), it fits in a stocking (like coal) and it sends a message (like coal). Think of the fun of Christmas morning when your kids come running out to their stockings only to find them stuffed with melting ice or completely soggy and dripping wet. And WOW, what if you threw in some coal for good measure! It would be a dirty, dripping mess.
The nice thing is, you can use the “you’ll get coal from Santa” in conjunction with “you’ll get ice from us!” as you blackmail your kids to be just a little less crazy during the holidays. Yeah, right!!! I think those threats are pretty much idle since kids act even more crazy during December than normal as the visions of presents and NO SCHOOL dance in their heads. You put the threats and blackmail into play and it simply brings their crazy and naughty-ness level to about the same level they are at during the rest of the year.
So bring on the ICE!
And I’ve even come up with a catchy phrase that you can now use around the house: BE NICE OR YOU’LL GET ICE!
- You can still use the Santa threat of getting Coal
- You can now supplement that threat with the “Be Nice or You’ll Get Ice!” for twice the impact
- Ice is cheap so it won’t break a parent’s budget
- Ice is readily available (unlike coal – have you ever tried shopping for a lump of coal?)
- Ice is NOT messy – just dry those stockings out
- Ice does have some holiday connotations, right?
If I were you, I would start your “ice campaign” now! If your kids are anything like mine, they have become unruly, verging on WILD. Hopefully an “ice threat” will put a freeze on that pre-holiday naughtiness! (Sorry!)