The 10 Weirdest Things I’ve Seen in the Men’s Locker Room

While in high school, I pretty much abandoned my regular locker assigned by the school. What was the point of having a normal locker when everything I owned was in my gym locker?

The gym locker housed such things as a giant bottle of moldy Gatorade, smelly gym clothes, text books and about a bazillion sticks of deodorant. Nobody cared if I stunk while playing sports, but I could never be too careful about that all too smelly armpit funk. I’m sure if I still had my very own locker at my local gym I’d have the same assortment of smelly shirts, moldy Gatorade, law books, and about a bazillion sticks of deodorant—the necessity to avoid armpit funk never goes away.

I’ve told my wife about the boy’s locker room in high school and about the men’s locker room at my current local gym as well. She makes a horrified face each time she learns about the intricacies of the men’s locker room. She’s always shocked to hear about the old men walking around the locker room without clothes or a towel, while sometimes shaving completely in the buff or watching the Discovery Channel in the nude. I don’t know what it is about the older generation of men that makes them want to drop all their clothes and just hangout (literally) in the locker room wearing nothing more than the cool locker room air, but I hope it is a generational thing; not a habit I’ll eventually pick up as my hair turns white.

Those old men have caused me to make a horrified face several times over. I’ve seen some pretty weird stuff in there. If it happens pretty regularly, can I still call it weird?  Here are the 10 weirdest things I’ve seen in the men’s locker room. (By the way, since this is a family blog I’ve covered up all the indecent parts with a giant “R” which stands for Restricted.)

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  • Bent Over 1 of 10
    Bent Over
    I've learned to keep my eyes at least four feet above the ground whenever I am in the locker room. Otherwise? Without fail some old guy will be bent over completely nude while cleaning his shoes.
  • The Naked Conversation 2 of 10
    The Naked Conversation
    I'm always amazed at the number of old guys who have a casual conversation about basketball, yard work, you name it, all while wearing nothing but the hair on their bodies.
  • The Willy Wonka Surprise 3 of 10
    The Willy Wonka Surprise
    I stopped sitting while watching TV in the locker room. It doesn't matter how intense whatever game happens to be on TV is, I do NOT sit. The one time I did sit in the locker room I was quite shocked when I glanced away from the TV to my left only to realize some old dude's willy wonka was six inches from my face.
  • That Naked Lounge 4 of 10
    That Naked Lounge
    Although I no longer sit while in the locker room, that hasn't stopped other guys from lounging on the couches bare butted with their gym buddies.
  • The Naked Situp 5 of 10
    The Naked Situp
    Doesn't everybody do naked situps in the locker room?
  • The Naked Pushup 6 of 10
    The Naked Pushup
    These guys are at the gym to workout, might as well get some pushups in while air drying.
  • Drying Bag O’ Goods 7 of 10
    Drying Bag O' Goods
    I can understand if people do this at home in the privacy of their own bathroom, but in a public locker room?
  • Combing all the Hair 8 of 10
    Combing all the Hair
    I always thought seeing a guy comb his armpit hair would be the weirdest thing I ever saw at the gym, but I was surprised a few months later by some weirder things.
  • Oops 9 of 10
    Oops
    A couple weeks ago while the locker room was under renovation I saw one of the workers cut off his thumb. He was rushed to the hospital without first finding the missing thumb. I eventually found the thumb and snapped a picture of it with my phone to send to the doctor to see if it was worth reattaching. Which was weirder, the guy cutting off his thumb or me taking a picture of the severed thumb?
  • A Locker Room for All 10 of 10
    A Locker Room for All
    This happened just the other day. I had just finished showering and changing in the locker room when a bunch of the women gym workers came into the locker room to help set up the new lockers in the newly renovated locker room. Guys were in the shower and doing, well, all the weird things in this post and nobody seemed to care that the ladies were right there with them.

Photo Credit: Flickr

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