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The Top 5 Cities For REAL Men

Sadly, this city only exists in our minds. I bet their pizza is awesome. Sigh.

Doing what they do best, the folks at The Huffington Post linked to another site to cull material for yet another somnambulistic list of something men should care about but probably don’t: a list of Top 100 Cities For Men, or some such. (100 cities? Isn’t that, like, all of the cities in the U.S.? What city didn’t make that list? Atlantis?) Topping the list: Burlington, Vermont. Listen, I like Ben and Jerry’s and Phish as much as the next guy, but is that REALLY the town of choice for the average American dude? I began to suspect that the data for this survey was skewed. Most of us, I believe, look for things that are a bit more relevant to our lives as men, such as how many microbreweries the town boasts, or what the local music scene is like, or how many of the Die Hard movies were filmed there. I put my crack team of research assistants on the case, and they surveyed…well, me, and came up with this list of Top 5 Cities For Real Men.

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  • 5. Tokyo 1 of 5
    5. Tokyo
    Cons: Giant Monster Attacks. Pros: GIANT MONSTER ATTACKS!
  • 4. San Diego 2 of 5
    4. San Diego
    Cons: Not for the sun-averse. Pros: A burgeoning jazz flute scene.
    Photo Credit: jeffreybutterworth.com
  • 3. Chicago 3 of 5
    3. Chicago
    Cons: Illinois Nazis. Also, ever watch "E.R"? Pros: "Pier One Imports." "This mall's got everything."
  • 2. New York 4 of 5
    2. New York
    Cons: Soup Nazis. Pros: Hot Dog, Hot Sausage, Hot Pretzel!
  • 1. Cleveland 5 of 5
    1. Cleveland
    Cons: See above. Pros: Are you kidding? The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Browns, Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn, Drew Carey, LeBron Hate, and the Lake View Cemetery, which boasts an impressive 101,000 "residents" (of course, in the event of a zombie outbreak, this would certainly be a Con.)

 

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