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The Top 7 Ways to Beat the Morning Rush … Dad Style

By mikeadamick |

Wear whatever you want ... just get moving!

Mornings are brutal. No two ways about it.

As head of the early morning household rush, I feel like a cross between a cheerleader and an Army logistics expert — whatever it takes to get the family out of the door and on time to school, work or warfare.

You know, the usual.

But there’s always something that trips us up: If the kid can’t find her shoes, the wife can’t shut down her computer. Breakfast can’t be decided upon. Homework is lost. Then the garbage cans are in the way of the car — thanks garbage collector! — or the neighbor has double parked on that one morning when you have no time to spare.

Something — anything, everything! – always intervenes to turn those already frantic mornings into clusterfudges of monumental proportions.

In those hectic moments, I always think: We are three people. How is this so difficult? And why can’t these people physically get. out. of. the. house!

Then I cool out and recall some of the more unusual things I’ve tried to make mornings a breeze … or at the very least less frantic. Yes, I’ve tried all the usual, craptastic Ann Landers ways you read about every now and then: get up early, get ready before the kids, drink coffee, communicate, not kill them all.

These are not those.

So here goes … the Top 7 Ways to Beat the Morning Rush:

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Top 7 Ways to Beat the Morning Rush ... Dad Style

Say there's a big surprise in the car

Big Bird, Superman, Dora, whatever it takes. Yes, they will be upset when they get in the car and realize that the big surprise of Imaginary Girl isn't really that awesome, but at least they're strapped in and ready to go. (Note: You can probably only use this once or twice before you get labeled with the Daddy's a Habitual Liar tag, so choose your morning wisely ....)

Mike Adamick writes at Cry It Out! He’ll be sleeping on his blog’s couch, once his wife gets wind of this.

Previously

It’s your party, kid, go for it: cry

Diets and Girls: Would you buy this book?

Slideshow photos: Morguefile

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About mikeadamick

mikeadamick

mikeadamick

As the “Daddy Issues” columnist for Jezebel.com and a prime mover at “The Poop,” the parenting blog of the San Francisco Chronicle, Mike Adamick is no stranger to writing about modern fatherhood with wit and wisdom. He blogs at Cry It Out! Read bio and latest posts → Read mikeadamick's latest posts →

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4 thoughts on “The Top 7 Ways to Beat the Morning Rush … Dad Style

  1. Catarina de Queiroz says:

    Mike Adamick, I loved the part where the husband is thinking of leaving his wife behind and remembers he might never be left in again! This made my day! I laughed so hard my stomach hurt! As I wife, I would like to see him try something like this. Good writing! And, OK, good tips (almost all of them). :)

  2. Annette says:

    Lol, These were hillarious! i read them to my husband and he was laughing with me.

  3. Christina says:

    I completely relate. I have four children, three of whom are school age. I dread mornings. The end.

  4. Kim R says:

    I actually have taken on the “I’m leaving now. If you want a ride home, you can get in.” tack with my kids. This is when I pick them up at Boys and Girls club after school. They have yet to push it, but love to play on the hand rails, stairs, hide behind a bush to “surprise” me. But when I let myself into the car, they come running! I would kill my husband if he tried it, though.

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