When my daughter was born, the world as I knew it disappeared over some distant evening rise, two tail-lights just going … going … gone.
Becoming a parent is either something you want to do or it’s something you don’t want to do, but when it comes down into your life, you are still a little surprised either way. For me, I reckon I have wanted to be a daddy for a long long time, way before I ever even knew that it was something in the stars for me. I used to look at other people’s kids when I was out on the road with my band, far from home, walking aimlessly down some Los Angeles street or just sitting there by myself, smoking cigarettes at some outdoor cafe table on a dank London corner.
I’d see people walking by me, their long arms stretched down, awkwardly, to hold the hand of a tiny person bobbling alongside them, keeping the pace with everything their Buster Browns had to give, and man, I would sigh and smile to myself and think about how far off a possibility that seemed for me right then, in that very moment.
But, life listens to you if you chatter at her enough, and before too many years went by I found myself married and she found herself pregnant, and we crossed that one particular line that you only cross once in this lifetime and never cross again.
Because once you’re a parent, you’re a parent forever, no matter what the fates allow.
Looking back now, my kids are 3 and 1, so it hasn’t really been all that long since my big dream came true. Yet, I sometimes try and remember certain things about my life from before I was living this one as a daddy and to be honest with you, it seems so very long ago that it often just takes the shape of a whole other lifetime that I lived before I was me.
Maybe that doesn’t make much sense, I dunno.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that there are so many damn bolts of hot, dangerous lightning that we have to ride in our time on Earth. There are so many wars we have to fight and kisses we have to kiss and hearts we have to break or save or lose, but through it all, 40 years from now, nothing, and I mean nothing my man, has ever come close to lifting me higher than the feeling I get, in the middle of any hot-ass Tuesday afternoon when a whole lot of nothing is going on, and yet I find myself hanging out in the middle of freaking miracle, with two kids running around and crying, tearing each others’ hair out between all the cookies and Saltines and bologna sandwiches that lay half-eaten in a pyre of crumbs upon the table of the luckiest guy who ever hung his life up on this particular set of weary electrified bones.
You can also find Serge on his personal blog, Thunder Pie.
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