Ahhhh, morning! Nothing like it in my opinion.
Burnt bacon for the soul!
And my much anticipated shot of morning news/aka: Good Old Fashion Crazy People Juice with pulp!
And listen up: today’s headlines have brought us a real dandy; a little something to comfort us and assure us, once again, that despite our occasional self-doubt, we are no longer really in contention for a spot on the Worst Parents In Human History roster.
The other night in Bel Air, Maryland, a couple took their three year old daughter to a big party at a local Chuck E Cheese. They had some pizza (I use that term loosely my Brooklyn friends!) and a couple tankards of Diet Pepsi with medium-sized icebergs. They chatted with other party people about this and that.
They got some tokens for the games.
They let their little girl have fun in the ball tank and on the rides.
And then, in all that magic hoopla, they lost track of their daughter/got in their car/and drove home without her.
Now, don’t get me wrong: there are certainly times that I have considered leaving my toddler behind me, to fend for herself/to live off the land or whatever. In the grocery store during a freakout, for instance. Or when she chucks a four-pound stainless steel tantrum through the stained glass windows of my afternoon, getting possessed by Satan right there on the scuzzy floor of the Wal-Mart.
Yeah, I admit it. I’ve pulled over on the shoulders of major interstates and looked around to make sure there was at least one farmhouse with a candle in the window visible, in case she decided to seek shelter for the night.
But I never could do it. These people in today’s news though, they did.
According to a Harford County Sheriff’s Office report, after the couple lost track of their child in the restaurant they “assumed” she had left for home with relatives.
Uhm, excuse me but, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
They “assumed” she was gone? And that she was safe at home all tucked in bed?
It gets worse here before it gets better, trust me.
Around 8pm the three year old, whose name is Harmony, approached a Chuck E. Cheese waitress to say she was thirsty. Staff rallied to try and find the girl’s parents, but to no avail. Law enforcement was then called in to assist.
A while passes and the local news hits the airwaves. Guess what story they feature?
Yep, the little girl lost in the land of pizza.
And guess who finally calls the cops to claim their daughter?
Yep: the parents. Seems they finally caught up with the fact that there was no sign of her in their home or anywhere.
After an investigation, no criminal intent was determined and no charges were filed.