Disney Brings The Princess Bride to Broadway: 25 Quotes We'll Always TweasurePilar Clark
A kindly grandfather, a six-fingered man, an albino dungeon keeper with a frog in his throat, the impressive clergyman, a farm boy so beautiful that crushes are still going strong 27 years later, a master fencer, the Cliffs of Insanity, Rodents Of Unusual Size, the Pit of Despair, a Battle of Wits – it’s an endless list of cult classic awesomeness. All of this and more won the fairy tale about an an evil prince, a beautiful princess, and yes, some kissing an undying fandom with so much wuv that it’s lasted more than a quarter of a century.
Few movies are as quotable as The Princess Bride, if my amazingly annoying ability to recite the entire movie verbatim whenever we watch it is any indicator of fervent devotion. Along with my warped VHS tape. (I’ll always love you, late ’80s.)
And soon, you’ll be able to experience Florin and all its wondrousness on stage. Disney Theatrical Productions recently announced that it’s developing a theatrical version of the film based on the acclaimed novel and screenplay by two-time Oscar winner William Goldman. No word yet as to whether the resulting production will be a play or a musical, though it doesn’t really matter since everyone is entirely too excited to nitpick the details, including Thomas Schumacher, Disney Theatrical Productions president, who said in a statement: “The Princess Bride has proven to be an enduring delight and a beloved favorite to multiple generations. What William Goldman created is first and foremost a celebration of storytelling; what better place to spin that tale than on the stage?”
Yes to all of those things.
What’s that? You want to romp through the gloriousness that is The Princess Bride by scrolling through 25 of the best-ever quotes and partial dialogues that loosely count as quotes from the film?
As you wish:
She gets kidnapped. He gets killed. But it all ends up okay. 1 of 26
The To-Do List 2 of 26
Prince Humperdinck: "Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work, but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Guilder to frame for it; I'm swamped."
Count Rugen: "Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, then you haven't got anything."
Love Sandwich 3 of 26
Miracle Max: "Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world - except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that."
The Three Little Words That Change Everything 4 of 26
Westley: "As you wish..."
Inconceivable! 5 of 26
Vizzini: "He didn't fall?! Inconceivable!"
Inigo Montoya: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
The Battle of Wits 6 of 26
Man in Black: "All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right... and who is dead."
Vizzini: "But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."
Man in Black: "You've made your decision then?"
Vizzini: "Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."
Man in Black: "Truly, you have a dizzying intellect."
Vizzini: "Wait till I get going! Now, where was I?"
Man in Black: "Australia."
Vizzini: "Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."
Man in Black: "You're just stalling now."
Vizzini: "You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."
Man in Black: "You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work."
Vizzini: "IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!"
Man in Black: "Then make your choice."
Vizzini: "I will, and I choose... What in the world can that be?"
[Vizzini gestures up and away from the table. Roberts looks. Vizzini swaps the goblets]
Man in Black: "What? Where? I don't see anything."
Vizzini: "Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours."
Man in Black: "You guessed wrong."
Vizzini: "You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - the most famous of which is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia' - but only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!' Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...
[Vizzini stops suddenly, his smile frozen on his face as he falls to the ground dead]
Mawage 7 of 26
The Impressive Clergyman: "Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam… And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva… So tweasure your wuv."
Want A Peanut? 8 of 26
Inigo Montoya: "That Vizzini, he can fuss."
Fezzik: "Fuss, fuss… I think he like to scream at us."
Inigo Montoya: "Probably he means no harm."
Fezzik: "He's really very short on charm."
Inigo Montoya: "You have a great gift for rhyme."
Fezzik: "Yes, yes, some of the time."
Vizzini: "Enough of that."
Inigo Montoya: "Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?"
Fezzik: "If there are, we all be dead."
Vizzini: "No more rhymes now, I mean it."
Fezzik: "Anybody want a peanut?"
The Heckler 9 of 26
The Ancient Booer: "Your true love lives. And you marry another. True Love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo."
Jolly Roberts 10 of 26
The Grandpa: "Westley didn't reach his destination. His ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who never left captives alive. When Buttercup got the news that Westley was murdered…"
The Grandson: "Murdered by pirates is good."
Well Matched 11 of 26
Man in Black: [as he is unsuccessfully fighting Fezzik] "Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?"
Fezzik: "I just want you to feel you're doing well."
Common Decency 12 of 26
Inigo Montoya: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."
The Man in Black: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die."
Lend Me Your Ears 13 of 26
Westley: "To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose."
Prince Humperdinck: "And then my tongue I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight."
Westley: "I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right."
Prince Humperdinck: "And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it."
Westley: "Wrong! Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, 'Dear God! What is that thing!' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."
Give it Up 14 of 26
Prince Humperdinck: "Surrender."
Westley: "You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept."
Lost and Found 15 of 26
Westley: "Give us the gate key."
Yellin: "I have no gate key."
Inigo Montoya: "Fezzik, tear his arms off."
Yellin: "Oh, you mean this gate key."
Walking Dead 16 of 26
Miracle Max: [Lifts and drops the arm of dead Westley] "I've seen worse."
The Upper Hand 17 of 26
Inigo Montoya: "You are wonderful."
Man in Black: "Thank you. I've worked hard to become so."
Inigo Montoya: "I admit it, you are better than I am."
Man in Black: "Then why are you smiling?"
Inigo Montoya: "Because I know something you don't know."
Man in Black: "And what is that?"
Inigo Montoya: "I... am not left-handed." [Moves his sword to his right hand and gains the advantage]
Man in Black: "You are amazing."
Inigo Montoya: "I ought to be after 20 years."
Man in Black: "Oh, there's something I ought to tell you."
Inigo Montoya: "Tell me."
Man in Black: "I'm not left-handed either." [Moves his sword to his right hand and regains the advantage]
Come Hill or High Water 18 of 26
Buttercup: "You can die too for all I care." [she pushes Westley down a big hill]
Man in Black: "AS... YOU... WISH!"
Buttercup: "Oh, my sweet Westley! What have I done?!"
[Throws herself down after him]
True Love Finds A Way 19 of 26
Westley: "Hear this now: I will always come for you."
Buttercup: "But how can you be sure?"
Westley: "This is true love - you think this happens every day?"
No Doubt 20 of 26
Westley: "I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?"
Buttercup: "Well... you were dead."
Westley: "Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."
Buttercup: "I will never doubt again."
Westley: "There will never be a need."
Vote of Confidence 21 of 26
The Grandson: "A book?"
The Grandpa: "That's right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I'm gonna read it to you."
The Grandson: "Has it got any sports in it?"
The Grandpa: "Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles..."
The Grandson: "Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake."
The Grandpa: "Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming."
Dead Man Walking 22 of 26
Westley: "Why won't my arms move?"
Fezzik: "You've been mostly-dead all day."
The Six-Fingered Man 23 of 26
Inigo Montoya: "... I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, 'Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.'"
Bonds of Love 24 of 26
Buttercup: "You can't hurt me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds, and you cannot break it, not with a thousand swords."
Finders Keepers 25 of 26
Vizzini: "You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen."
Lip Service 26 of 26
The Grandpa: "Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. The End."
Photo credits: Princess Bride Ltd.
Travelhound Pilar wouldn’t mind being at Walt Disney World eating the ears off a Mickey ice cream bar right about now. But, since she can’t be at her “second home” year round, she curates happy thoughts on Disney Social Media Magic, a virtual springboard where breaking news and other Disneyfied thingamabobs are shared. For more mouse-minded geekery, join Pilar on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram and personal site, One Mom Media.