Eva Longoria says she doesn’t want to get married again or have kids on her own.
“I’ve been married twice,” she said. “Been there, done that!”
Eva reportedly recently split from her most recent boyfriend, Miami-based entrepreneur Ernesto Arguello, who was a contestant on her reality show, “Ready For Love.” She of course went through a difficult and highly-publicized divorce from San Antonio Spurs player Tony Parker (who is now engaged to French journalist Axelle Francine), and was divorced from Tyler Christopher in 2004.
Eva, 38, who has no children, also says that she is not determined to become a mother, and doesn’t want to do it by herself.
“I’m not one of those women who are like, ‘I must procreate!’” she said. “I think kids are a product of love, so, if you find the right person and you want to have a family with that person, then that’s when the time is right. But…if I’m 50 and single, I’m not going to go do it myself.”
To all of this I say: good for you, Eva Longoria. Good for you for knowing where you stand on these very personal issues now, and for stating your feelings about them positively and plainly.
I could, of course, analyze all of her statements down to the individual words, which people seem to like to do whenever a woman of any age and station makes a statement about her feelings and wishes about marriage and motherhood. You know what I’m talking about, right?
“Oh, you might change your mind.”
“She’s just saying that right now.”
“I was a single parent and it was awesome! Why wouldn’t you want to do that?”
“You can’t predict what will happen in a relationship. You can always end up single parenting anyway.”
“She has plenty of money and support. It would be so easy for her.”
As a single woman a few years older than Eva who has no children, I have heard all of these statements but the last one (because, yeah, I do not have Eva Longoria-style fame and fortune, let’s be honest here), some of them more than once, and I am not even ambivalent about or disinterested in being a mother. I have always been interested in doing this, and it still comes as a surprise to me, quite frankly, that I am not. But when I was ready to become a parent, the circumstances of my life and my relationships didn’t support producing or adopting a human being and then caring for him or her (or, certainly, them.) And, like Eva, I have never been interested in setting out on the path of motherhood by myself. I’m aware that breakups and divorces happen, and even the most seemingly-happy couples can split up, but I just knew that doing it alone wasn’t for me. I’ve been asked to explain why, and it was like explaining air. I just knew that it was true for me, and it really, truly, was okay with me if other people didn’t understand.
That said, I know other women who have become single parents by choice, and I support that option, too — for them. Many of Eva’s acting peers have chosen to become single parents in their 30s and 40s — Sandra Bullock, Connie Britton, Charlize Theron, pre-Brad Pitt Angelina Jolie. The important detail here is that none of these ladies is Eva Longoria, and they’re certainly not me, for that matter. Might Eva change her mind? Maybe. Is there some hope in every person’s heart that a love that inspires and supports a family is possible, if that has ever been her wish? Sure, I’d say so.
But is this how she feels today, based on her life experience so far and her current circumstances? Sounds like it, and that is the important thing. That’s the best information we have to make decisions. Because I believe that the critical question for every woman when she decides whether or not to become a mother, at any age, is whether or not it is right for her, and for any person she might parent. There are few decisions in life, if there are any, that are more personal and not up for public commentary. As long as she is satisfied with her answers, for herself and certainly for her potential offspring, I think the best possible thing has happened for everyone involved.
Image credit: Pacific Coast News