In the latest edition of SELF magazine, actress Kate Hudson talks about the importance of female friendships. Hudson, who is frequently photographed with her buddies designer Stella McCartney and actress Liv Tyler (among others), tells the magazine, “My mom once said something so poignant to me: ‘Honor your female friendships, because men can come and go, but when we nurture our relationships with women, they can be forever.’”
Kate goes on to say, “I really believe that. My girlfriends are so important to me. They’ve been my rock-solid foundation.” She also noted how female friendships can go two ways: “You have a choice: Support the woman standing next to you or compete with her. But if you compete, you’re going to be miserable. Stick with what motivates you and makes you happy.”
The mom of two (she has sons Ryder, 10, and Bing, 2) was once married to The Black Crowes frontman Chris Robinson, but they divorced in 2007. She is currently engaged to Muse singer Matt Bellamy, although she has said she is in no rush to walk down the aisle. It is interesting to note that she thinks men can come and go because in her life, that has been apparent. Perhaps that is why she is so devoted to the enduring relationships in her life — those with her friends.
I have to say, I agree completely with Hawn’s advice and Hudson’s sentiments — I truly believe we should nurture our female friendships above all. Of course, we shouldn’t treasure them above our children or to the detriment of our marriages/relationships, but our female friendships are the ones we turn to the most, particularly in times of crisis.
Honestly, I don’t trust a woman who has no female friends, who claims to be only friends with guys. I just don’t understand that way of thinking at all because men are such a different species and women are such nurturers. My best friend used to always send me a Valentine’s Day card that said, “To my longest and most successful relationship yet.” After her marriage ended, she continued to write this. I’ve known her since I was 9 (32 years now!). She has been through everything with me — school, traveling, university, career in London, marriage, children, moving, job losses, money worries — the lot! She was bridesmaid at my wedding and is the godmother to my children. Meanwhile I have a handful of other fabulous female friends who are all different, but who all bring different qualities to the table that enhance my life in my knowing them.
I have always watered and cared for my female friendships all through my life — no matter what men came and went. Mates before dates was my mantra. It has held me in good stead. If I have a problem or a worry, I have a number of girls I can ring and vent to; if I’m celebrating, I have a crew to call upon to join in my revelry; if I need support or advice, I can turn to them. And the best part? The feeling is mutual; I am equally there for them.
Whilst my children bring me more joy than anything else, my female buddies bring me more laughs. One good friend I have known since school calls our group “The Ya Ya’s” after The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood.
Yes, of course our partners/husbands are our best friends. But are they your everything? My husband rocks, but he doesn’t give me everything I need by far! He won’t dissect a party or event like my girlies do; he won’t talk about the emotions of something; he won’t get excited about a new moisturizer; and he doesn’t care about a fabulous throw or new shoes (and that’s just the superficial stuff). I need my girlfriends for a million things, and my life would be infinitely poorer without them. I find women the greatest champions — the most trustworthy, the most loyal.
So Kate, I’m with you. I think we should all invest in those female friendships that deserve it, and make sure that they endure throughout life. After all, how many friendships end in divorce? Exactly.