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10 Most Ridiculous Baby Products Ever

By michellehorton |

Here at Family Style, we have seen it all. And I mean all. Of course we typically prefer to feature those must-have products that changed our lives, genius new ideas and jaw-dropping designs, but there are also baby products that make us say stop and say, Get outta here.

From funny to useless to plain old creepy, here are the 10 most ridiculous baby products we’ve seen for infants and toddlers:

1. Zaky

We’re going to overlook the fact that infant positioners are thought to be a SIDS risk for a minute, because that’s not your first thought when you see the above picture, right? Your first thought is creepy. Or possibly future therapy. Because while your baby thinks mom is (awkwardly) cradling him, it’s actually a pair of fake disembodied hands. (Note: The idea behind the Zaky is sweet. But it only goes so far.)

2. 2011 Little Mommy Doll

The only thing creepier than fake hands holding your baby is watching her interact with this life-like doll. See why this Little Mommy doll gives us chills up our spine.

3. The Pee pee Teepee

Ok, confession: I have used these Pee Pee Teepee. In my sleep-deprived, totally-clueless, tired-of-being-peed-on days of motherhood, I thought sure, a piece of cone-shaped fabric should solve my problems. Until that piece of fabric shot straight across the room with a stream of urine behind it.

4. Baby Helmets like Thudguard and Bumper Bonnet

Golly, how did we all make it to adulthood without a protective shield around our brains? Oh right, it’s called a skull.

5. Babykeeper Basics

Oh for the love of God.

8. Baby Knee Pads

Overprotective parents, we’re looking at you — again. Who knew developing was so hazardous? Then again, how would you like to crawl around on hard floors all day? Wouldn’t that kill your kneecaps? Wait a — aren’t babies born without kneecaps? Just a fleshy, cushioned (padded, if you will) area designed for…wait for it…crawling? Another point for the human body.

7. Father-Daughter Dance Shoes

At first we thought this was just about the cutest thing we’ve seen — a pair of shoes for you and your toddler! Shoes joined at the feet! Dancing shoes! But would you ever spend $132 (+ shipping) on something that people have been doing for decades for free? Cute, yes. Heartwarming, yes. Ridiculous? Yes.

8. The Baby Mop

If they’re going to crawl around as it is, wreaking havoc, they might as well pitch in with the housework. Child labor, you say? We call it chores. See a video for The Baby Mop at The Huffington Post. (P.S. we don’t think this is actually a real product, but we honestly wouldn’t be surprised.)

9. Toddler Tracker

I almost always lose my keys, my cell phone, my shoes, sometimes even my entire pocket book. Can’t say I’ve ever thought Man, I wish I had a beeper to find that toddler!

10. Baby Bottom Fan

Not only does this fan speed up the drying process during diapering (because we all know how torturous that can be), it also sprays aromatherapy fragrance. Just don’t forget your Pee Pee Teepee or you’ll have a lot more to dry.

**Next up: The Top 10 Most Ridiculous Parenting Products for moms and dads. We found some doozies.

Also check out:

*Top 10 Most Inappropriate Kids Gifts Ever: infant high heels, pole dancing dolls and STD toys.

*The Worst Kids Toys of 2011: Yes, these are really hitting the shelves.

* Top 10 Funniest iPad Cases: Retro TVs, sanitary napkins and bacon.

More on Babble

About michellehorton



Michelle Horton is the founder of Early Mama, an award-winning site that proves young motherhood doesn’t have to define or limit us. When not writing, she’s typically pretending to be a superhero in her 4-year-old son’s imaginative play. Read bio and latest posts → Read Michelle's latest posts →

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19 thoughts on “10 Most Ridiculous Baby Products Ever

  1. CDN Mummy says:

    I actually used to use a diaper to fan my baby’s bum when changing him. It worked way better for him than any cream for diaper rashes.

  2. michellehorton says:

    @CDN Mummy: Ah, but could that diaper spray your baby’s bottom with aromatherapy? :)

  3. Meagan H says:

    I know a few little boys who the tracker might be good for although I think it wristband might be more practical than that clip. I think it seems less cruel than kiddy leashes anyway.

    I can see wanting the helmet for the just learned to walk stage when they are falling all the time (or if your on the road in an unbaby-proofed environment).

  4. Rachel N says:

    The kid beeper is just stupid! If you lose your toddler you are the one with the problem, not the child! Pee teepee is cute but a wash cloth works perfectly fine too and is not useless after the first couple months. The helmet… Are you serious!!! My son has just started walking and he falls and hits his head sometimes but he has survived just fine. How will they ever learn if nothing hurts when they run into it? People have survived for thousands of years without wearing helmets. And the knee pads???? Ever heard of pants? They work just fine to protect baby’s skin. Don’t you think that if crawling was so painful babies wouldn’t do it?

  5. Meagan H says:

    Your kid may be fine with bumps on his head but literally dozens of small children die every year from things as simple as falling onto the coffee table. I really hate the culture of fear some parents indulge in but there is also a reasonable amount of caution, (also quite a few special needs kids with balance problems where helmets all the time this product may be more for them than the general public).

  6. michellehorton says:

    @Rachel: I’m with you.

    @Meagan: Yes, it’s true that special needs kids can need helmets, but these are for normally functioning children. I have to agree with Rachel, our species has survived without helmets. Yes, scary accidents can happen — which is tragic — but you can’t put kids in a bubble forever. They need to learn boundaries, even if that means a few bumps on the head. I think “reasonable amount of caution” would be baby proofing and keeping an eye on your child, not padding and restricting them. Maybe remove the coffee table or pad the corners, rather than strapping on a helmet, no?

  7. Angela says:

    No. 5 is just rediculous. Some parents must be desperate. Yikes! It looks so uncomfortable.

  8. Laura says:

    he I love the baby mop! It made me chuckle! Maybe because my youngest girl just started to crawl and my house is dirty! Her clothing tends to be grey by the end of the day! lol

  9. Lori says:

    I have to admit that I am considering knee pads for my 9mnth old. She is just starting to cruise and will be walking (and falling alot) just about the time we head out to play in the concrete driveway this spring. Some may call that overprotective but if I don’t have to deal w/ a screaming child and skinned knees every 10mins then I think I will try it…

  10. michellehorton says:

    @Lori: You’re not being overprotective, you’re being a typical mom. No one likes to see their little ones hurt. But you’ll probably have more head bangs and bloody lips than knee scrapes — just from experience. Enjoy the 9 month age — it’s one of my favorites!

  11. Charise @ I Thought I Knew Mama says:

    Hilarious! It’s obvious that all these companies care about is making money!

  12. susan says:

    I got the kneepads to give my daughter traction on our hardwood floors rather than protect her knees (and YES, babies ARE born with knee caps, just like every other bone in their bodies–they just aren’t fully calcified at birth). She hated them–they kept her from bending her knees as much and actually reduced her traction even further.

    I am really tempted to find #5, actually. I can’t tell you how many times I have been in the middle of a store, still shopping, with a cart full of stuff (that you can’t take in the bathroom till you pay) and suddenly HAVE. TO. GO. and can’t because I can’t leave my daughter in the cart outside the bathroom, and can’t bring her IN because she’d crawl out of the stall while I’m taking care of business…

  13. Khou says:

    This is fun to read but I probably wouldn’t purchase any of these items.

  14. Brandon M says:

    Since you used “ever made” in your description I would like to share the “Kiddie Koop” from 1946 in the Cleveland Pres from my vintage newspaper collection:

    From the description: “Protects baby from pets, insects, older children.” and if the price helped the daddy daughter shoes make your list consider the price of the child chicken coop… ‎$52.00 in 1946 had the same buying power as $644.78 in 2012.

  15. bwsf says:

    Oy, the Pee Pee Teepee. I had forgotten about that one. I was given one as a gift with my first son, and I had the same experience. A stream of urine has a little force behind it, duh.

  16. tegen says:

    BRANDON M they made things like this for a while. But it was recalled

  17. Corey M says:

    I kind of like the baby tracker and the knee pads for crawling. It would be nice for me (a mom of two toddler boys) to be able to track my kids at the park. Also the knee pads seems great actually. My little ones would bang up their knees on the hardwood. These items sound good(the ones l mentioned not all of them) but, are not necessary baby items. More of a luxury.

  18. Yuz says:

    The pee pee teepee – I wet my pants reading the blurb!!!!

  19. los angeles concrete columns says:

    Wonderful points altogether, you just gained a new reader. What might you suggest in regards to your put up that you made some days in the past? Any positive?

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