Yeah, you read Infinite Jest, but frankly, you preferred Goodnight Moon. Arcade Fire’s pretty cool, but you’re more of a Raffi fan, really. You just finished your first site-specific performance where you cried in your crib for five hours straight (you call it “Encaged”), and while you don’t wanna brag, your fixed-gear stroller is pretty cool. There’s no doubt about it: you’re a hipster baby. We get it, and we’ve sorted through the sea of childish frills (you’re so over them) to bring you the essentials. —Rachel Sugar
Screen-Printed Gear 1 of 10
Vintage-Inspired Dresses 2 of 10Ever since you fell asleep that one time at the She & Him show, you've been obsessed with Zooey Deschanel's thrift-store-chic style (plus, she's a vegan, which you're totally going to do, too —
just as soon you finish nursing).
Get it at Flora and Henri, $142-$146
Local Pride Onesies 3 of 10You just can't imagine leaving the big city. I mean, do they even have Gymboree in the 'burbs? These onesies are perfect for kickin' it around the â€˜hood, soaking up the local flavor while mommy and daddy debate brunch options.
Get it from egg-a-go-go at Etsy.com, $18
Keffiyehs 4 of 10You've literally been drooling over these scarves since you saw one in the window of Urban Outfitters. They're just so much more "with-it" than your lame kiddie bib, you know?
Get it from Omalillo at Etsy.com, $23
Tom’s Shoes 5 of 10Just ducking out for a late-night six-pack of Similac, no big thing. Shoes don't get more low-key than Tom's, which is awesome — you don't have the fine-motor skills for laces yet anyway.
Get them from Tom's, $29
Tube Socks 6 of 10Rubik's cubes. My Little Pony. The Love Boat. Well, sure, you didn't exist then, but man, the '80s were probably rad. Get some serious stroller-cred with a four-pack of striped tube socks, and everyone'll know you were born into the wrong decade.
Get them at Hank and Jojo, $32
Skinny Jeans 7 of 10Who says extra-tight denim isn't diaper-flattering? That warehouse concert may be 21+, but tapered legwear is open to all ages.
Get them at Old Navy, $16.94
Ironic Tattoos 8 of 10Just 'cause it's a little early to make a life-long graphic commitment (save that for freshman year at Sarah Lawrence) doesn't mean you can't "experiment." These tats were made for kids and they're vegan-friendly. We're partial to the bunny — deers and owls are so … newborn.
Get them at Tattly, $5 for 2
Hoodies 9 of 10Rolled outta your crib after a night of hard-core teething? Toss a hoodie over yesterday's onesie and nobody at Mommy and Me ever has to know.
Get it at American Apparel, $16
Wayfarer Sunglasses 10 of 10Eye contact with strangers is totally awkward, especially when they're making goo-goo-ga-ga faces at you, and you're all, "Dude, I just wanna nap, you know?" Enter baby Wayfarers. Problem solved.
Get them at AnySunglasses.com, $1.50
Image: Andrea Sz