Remember how we told you about the (controversial) most inappropriate kids costumes for Halloween? Well now that Christmas is around the corner, let’s round-up some bizarre, inappropriate, what-were-they-thinking kids toys. So if you’re having trouble finding a gift for your sister’s preschool-aged daughter or friend’s new baby, just stay away from the items below and you should be in the clear.
Note: Yes, these are real toys.
Oh, and another note: You might find these kids gifts funny, but we guarantee the parents in the room will be exchanging This-Can’t-Be-Happening looks.
1. Infant High Heels
You might think it’s adorable to get a 4 month old baby her first pair of heels, but her parents will most likely find it disturbing. Because it is disturbing.
2. Lower Back Tattoos
3. Pole Dance Doll
Dollar bills not included.
4. Battery-Operated “Mad Cow”
“This infectious, crazy cow is udderly nuts!”
5. Child’s Tassle Tee
For the girl who outgrows her Pole Dancing Doll.
6. Pee and Poo Plush Dolls
We’re not so sure about our babies cuddling up to plush poop…
7. Venereal Disease Toys
…but stuffed STDs? Even weirder.
8. Shave the Baby
There are just so many disturbing things about this toy, starting with: What’s with the ankle hair?
9. The Worst Designed $1 Store Game Ever
Did really no one at the toy company catch the glaring design flaw of this maze? We’ll bet the parents of this baby Hitler costume already stocked up.
The makers of Road Kill Toys claims that “the blood and guts and gore are made using the latest high-tech stuffing and plush, to give it quite a realistic squidgy effect.” Yes, squidgy is a direct quote. Oh, and there’s more: “Twitch’s body is stuffed with a mixture of beads and stuffing. The beads give the Squash-plush teddy a bit of extra weight, so he can lie spreadeagled in his blood and gut-pool…You can disembowel Twitch by pulling the blood and innards through the zips that line both sides of the teddy carcass.” Death certificate and “I Love Roadkill” bumper sticker included.
At least the self-proclaimed “Toy Terrorist” company has a sense of humor about it – which is more than we can say about the Pole Dancing Doll. Seems like more of a gift from childless Uncle Jimmy, no? Here’s to well adjusted children, everyone.
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