Single Mom Probs: My Kid Asked Me For A Sibling
Yesterday when I picked JD up from school he announced in front of his class, teachers and another mom that he wanted a baby brother. This is not the first time he has asked me for a sibling. “Mommy, Sharuki (sp?) is so cute!” he said on the way home a few days ago. When I asked him who that was, he told me a baby from the baby room. Then he said, “Can we get one?”
“One what?” I asked.
“A baby, mommy,” he said.
Oy.
It makes me sad he is an only child. I love Carlo and Bri. I know they have my back. We are a tripod. I want JD to have this sense of security. I totally get that some people only want one kiddo and that singleton kids turn out fine and dandy. I just want another baby and apparently JD wants one too. I’m going to be 32 in December and I thought I’d have at least 2 by now. (I also thought that I would be married!) Of course, I have fertility on the brain … surprisingly not marriage. You can wed at any age. You can’t conceive at any age necessarily.
I had a mini anxiety attack watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians this past Sunday. Spoiler Alert: I feel so bad for Khloe and her public struggle with not being able to conceive. She is so brave to share her story and the fact she didn’t/doesn’t ovulate regularly. Then there’s big sis, Kim, who wants to freeze her eggs (she’s my age), because she’s not ready to have a baby, but wants babies. In any event, I’m definitely bringing this up with my OB-GYN this Fall at my yearly.
It’s true that fertility decreases in your 30s. Experts say 24 is the best age to get pregnant from a biological perspective because your fertility is at its peak. I got pregnant at 25, a few days short of my 26th birthday. December 9, 2006. One night. One holiday party. One bottle of champagne. One try. Not even trying. Fertility experts caution women in their 30s not to wait too long, as our eggs begin to free fall. Free fall, like my stomach did when I read that.
Single moms, do you want more kids? What is your plan? Have a great weekend!!
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I struggle with this as well. I’m not single but had my first child at 29 after a full year (Nov 08 – Nov 09) of trying to get preggers. Originally I wanted 2 back to back and when my little boy was 1 I needed a break from sleepless nights and bottles, so we decided to wait. Now he is 2 and I am feeling baby fever…only problem…my husband is about to deploy and then when he gets back we will be moving within 6-8 mths. I was 6 mths preggers during our last move and it was not fun. I am 31 and I fear since it took a year last time that it will take that long or longer now. I don’t know what to do. The hubs is always telling me that you can’t plan these things perfectly and if it’s meant to be it will happen when it is suppose to.
You had mentioned in a blog awhile back that you would consider being a choice mom at 34 if you are not married. Still considering that?
Crystal T: Why not! Sure. Two + years to go.
I am a choice Mom and E. is about 2 weeks older than JD and we have the sibling conversation a lot. However, he doesn’t want a baby, he wants an older brother. I always listen and then we talk about. We talk about the stuff he wants to do with an older brother and then we talk about the stuff we do together. It used to come up more often at his previous school where one of his friends had a big brother. I am sure he would talk about his big brother and E. wanted that too. Luckily at our new school many of the kids are only children and several are oldest children. It’s funny but I don’t think E. has ever said he wanted a younger brother just an older one – I guess the older siblings don’t talk so fondly about their younger siblings. A part of me feels bad but reality is what it is. E. is going to be an only child – our lives work with just the two of us. Part of that is financial – E. is in a great private preschool that goes till 8th grade. I want to keep him there. We talk about going to London to see Paddington Station and ride the tube. I love London and really want to go back soon. I already got his passport. Not to mention I am in my 40s and just too tired to go through that again. I honestly don’t remember how I did it the first time (I was 38 then), there is an entire year that is kind of a blur. My knees are not what they used to be. Since E. is adopted you might not think that it’s really something I have to think about but it is. E.’s birth mother is younger than me and I was warned that I could get a call in the future asking to take in another sibling. That is not a decision I would want to have to make under the stress of the situation so I re-evaluate from time to time.
A part of me would really love to have another child. But being a single mom and having my past relationship destruct in the incredibly painful way that it did makes me fear ever having a child again. I just couldn’t deal with a painful divorce or breakup with a child involved again, ever. I know that I shouldn’t let my fears hold me back from ever having a serious relationship or at least considering having another child again if I did find an amazing partner, but I’m just not sure I can ever trust in another person enough to do it ever again. Christine, do you ever have that fear, and how do you get past it?
Not sure why I post to this blog and sometimes my comments just disappear, but I’ll try again
A big part of me also would love to have another child one day. But after the intense pain I went through when my marriage ended, having my child involved and becoming a single mom, I don’t know that I can ever trust anyone enough to have a child with them ever again. Maybe I could trust someone enough to marry again. But to have a child and risk going through that again….I just don’t know. Christine, I’d love to know after all you’ve been through how you keep faith and work through this issue.
With this being my fourth child I am currently incubating, I never think about only children. I had one sister who was about seven years older than me and it wasn’t much fun as she was already pretty engrossed in her own life by the time I could remember. My kids are no more than two years a part each if that. Even though our life isn’t the easiest it could possibly be I really hope my kids grow up with happy memories of sharing close quarters with their siblings.
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