See the tasks that make me feel sorry for myself after the jump.
1. If making dinner is injury, cleaning up afterwards is insult. Add insult to injury and what do you get? Poor, poor pitiful me.
2. Peeling dirty undies out of inside-out-pants. I hate this task. Why do I do it so often? There should be an app for that.
3. Getting splashed in the face while plunging a toilet you did not personally clog. Oh, the humanity.
4. Watching “Caillou.” I hate Caillou. There’s nothing good about that freaking little bald, self-absorbed Canadian. If I’m letting Ellen watch it in order to buy myself some time, I’ve hit a real low. “Caillou“ is always accompanied by a great deal of self-loathing. Think I ought to pull it together and turn off the TV? Thanks for kicking me when I’m down. Now I feel even more sorry for myself.
5. Declining lunch invitations from friends because I’m taking my kids to the orthodontist.
6. Paying the orthodontist $3170.00. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.
7. Carrying my kids’ stuff that I told them not to bring because it would be too heavy and they wouldn’t be able to carry it. My arms get so tired sometimes.
8. Acting like I love myself and my body in pictures so I don’t give my daughters body issues. How long can I keep up the charade?
9. Sharing all manner of double-dipped foodstuffs with my kids. Ugh.
10. Giving birth. Why me? Seriously though — you know how babies are born. Why me?
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