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10 Reasons I’ll Never Make My Kids’ Halloween Costumes

There are the kind of parents who make their kids’ Halloween costumes and then there are the kind who don’t. It’s not really a shades of grey sort of thing. We can all pretend homemade Halloween costumes don’t create a divide between us, but really, who are we kidding.

Let no parent among us doubt the undeniable truth that homemade Halloween costumes are infinitely cooler than anything we could ever buy in a store. As one-of-a-kind masterpieces of parental imagination, dedication and creative ability, homemade costumes don’t intend to a serve as a driving force between the parental species, they just do.

Last Halloween, when Boy Wonder made the bold and daring decision to dress up as the headless horseman, one look at the exorbitant price of that costume had me thinking of joining forces with the homemade costume parenting side. That was until I remembered who I was and the abilities that I didn’t possess.

Perhaps I could have at least tried to make his costume, but let’s be realistic, my 10-year-old wouldn’t have been happy with the result. In the end, Boy Wonder compromised on a cheap Grim Reaper costume that didn’t last longer than the 30 minutes spent inside it, but for 20 bucks and two clicks of my mouse, I felt I made the right decision for both of us. I’ll tell you something else, the candy tastes the same no matter what you’re wearing.

  • Sew what? 1 of 11
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    I have 10 very good reasons as to why I'll never make my kids' Halloween costumes; check 'em out.

  • I don’t know how to sew 2 of 11
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    I have no idea how those bobbin' needle contraptions of modern science do that voodoo that they do, but they're magical and mysterious and quite simply, not for me. The fact that I impress myself every. single. time. I manage to sew back on a missing button ought to tell you everything you need to know.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • I’m cheap 3 of 11
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    While Halloween costumes are stupid expensive, making your own isn't always cheaper. Have you seen the price of fabric by the yard lately? Me neither, but I bet it's expensive, especially when you don't know how to measure what you'll need so you buy the whole bolt and every other sew-y thing in the fabric store because you don't want to have to go back there twice and of course, you open it all because you don't know what you're doing and then hate the thing you spent 100 hours making so you decide to trash it and start over. Oh, and you're drunk.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

     

  • The pressure 4 of 11
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    As a perfectionist by personality, I'm guaranteed to view any handmade costume challenge as a test of my worthiness as a mother. I just can't. My therapist told me so.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • I’m just not that into it 5 of 11
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    I like Halloween as much as I need to for the candy, but that's about where my loyalty to the holiday ends. Sure, I could make a Halloween costume, oh wait, no I couldn't. Think the neighbors give more candy to kids with homemade costumes? Man, they better not.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • They know 6 of 11
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    My lack of artistic ability is the stuff of legends around these parts. Let's just say no one's begging Mommy to make their Halloween costume. Or anything else. Ever.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • I’m lazy 7 of 11
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    Let's be serious for a moment. I could spend 300 hours on a Halloween costume...or I could not. Yeah, this decision really doesn't seem that difficult for me.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • I can buy it 8 of 11
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    Until every last Halloween costume is banished from this earth and I am no longer able to throw a few dollars at this dress-up situation and make it just go away, I'll be purchasing my kids' Halloween costumes BECAUSE I CAN.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • I’m busy… 9 of 11
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    ...with things like [insert verb that doesn't involve sewing or exercise] that I just can't seem to find the time.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • I’m practical 10 of 11
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    There are far better uses of my time and expletives than a homemade Halloween costume. Besides, my kids will be in that costume for an hour, max. It's all about cost management and return on investment, you guys.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • I love them 11 of 11
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    I love my kids too much to send them out in something fugly I created with my two left hands. My kids deserve to wear their costumes with pride.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

Have you ever made your kid a Halloween costume?

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