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10 Ways I Fake Being a Good Mom

Sometimes I think I’m an awesome mom, and other times, well…not so much.

I’d like to think to the outside world I look like I’ve got it going on. It’s not that I’m consciously trying to fake it, I’m just trying my best to look like a deserving member of the motherhood sorority (even if I can’t believe it myself sometimes).

They say, “Fake it ’til you make it!” Well, friends, this is how I fake it:


  • I shower the teacher with classroom supplies 1 of 10
    I shower the teacher with classroom supplies
    Public schools are hurting big time. At the beginning of every school year and at the end of each trimester, I load up my son's teacher with sanitizing wipes, tissue, paper, dry erase markers and other stuff they need. I watch out for sales and stock up at Costco. A bribe? Maybe, but who cares.
  • I wear mascara to school pick up 2 of 10
    I wear mascara to school pick up
    OK, so mascara doesn't make me a good mother but I've fooled myself into thinking it makes me look like I care a smidge. Nevermind the fact that I'd been in my pajamas up to that point; mama's lashes are fierce!
  • I bribe 3 of 10
    I bribe
    I've copped to the bribing thing before but when it really counts and good behavior is a must in really judgy situations; I bribe. Hey, I only do it because it works.
  • I fake zen-like calmness in the event of a public tantrum 4 of 10
    I fake zen-like calmness in the event of a public tantrum
    Inside I want to die. I'm screaming so loud inside my head that the scary throbbing vein in my neck wants to explode. On the outside however, I am the very picture of Mary Poppins, handling the undesirable behavior with swift and decisive action.
  • I surface clean 5 of 10
    I surface clean
    If I've invited you into my home, it's gonna look fabulously clean. You'll remark on how clean my house is and I'll act coy about it. Now don't you dare open a drawer or cupboard!
  • My child gives his teacher good gifts 6 of 10
    My child gives his teacher good gifts
    Good gifts don't have to be expensive, in fact, they shouldn't be. Good gifts need only be thoughtful. Learn what you can about your child's teacher and go from there. Teachers work hard; let's show them we care.
  • I threaten certain punishment 7 of 10
    I threaten certain punishment
    Sometimes I put on my really scary mom mask and point my crooked finger straight into my sons' faces making threats of certain punishment for bad behavior. I don't do it often, but when I do, you can bet it counts. If the public wants to believe I have amazingly well-behaved children, who am I to tell them otherwise?
  • I pass off take-out as my own cooking 8 of 10
    I pass off take-out as my own cooking
    Yeah, so what? I'm smart enough not to pass off sushi as my own but I've been known to bring a take-out dish to a potluck or 12, promise the recipe and then never deliver.
  • I abuse my computer calendar 9 of 10
    I abuse my computer calendar
    I set reminders for myself for everything (even to set more reminders). From dental cleanings every six months to Teacher Appreciation Day, if it needs to happen (or I need to remember it needs to happen); it gets recorded.
  • I support the P.T.A. 10 of 10
    I support the P.T.A.
    I refuse to join the P.T.A. for reasons I will undoubtedly divulge in a future blog post but that doesn't mean I don't support their call for support. I help, I contribute - I just won't join.

[Photos via Shutterstock]

You ever fake this motherhood gig? Spill it!

More on Kid Scoop:

Santa Doesn’t Do Jack

Uh Oh, There Goes the Neighborhood

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