Just kidding. I’m not dead but yesterday was hell. Just kidding!
It was over 100 degrees but we got out of the house and had some fun–You know, like people are always talking about. We did have fun and we did make some memories. I don’t regret it. Nevertheless, here are the 10 worst things about going to amusement parks.
10. It costs a million dollars. I kept doing the math in my head in terms of cost per ride per kid. So not only am I out a chunk of change, I was also forced to do math compulsively throughout the day—not my idea of fun.
9. Sit ‘n Smokes. The park we went to had little places to sit and smoke. I guess it’s an OK, if unclassy, idea. A better idea would be a Sit ‘n Text or a Sit ‘n Sop (for sweat) or a Sit ‘n Stare (while you pray that you don’t faint before you get the kids home).
8. Rides. Yeah. I’m not so fun.
7. Saying “whoooooo!” I did this when I was taken by surprise on certain rides but I felt weird immediately after I said it.
6. Being the lady wearing long pants in 100 degree weather. I wasn’t going to wear shorts because hot metal rides are hot on your legs. As it turns out, thick denim pants are also hot on your legs.
5. Waiting in line for baby rides that last one minute.
4. The indignation of being asked to buckle up on the merry-go-round. There I was, perched on a long-legged, immobile stork going round and round with my seat belt tight around my waist. Whooooooo!
3. Being hot, waiting in line, going up, and spinning around. Bleh.
2. The faint odor of manure in an otherwise urban setting. There’s a petting zoo in there somewhere, which is upsetting.
1. The ride home. Oh mercy. My kids? On the way home? I can’t. Don’t even. I refuse to tell you more because I don’t want to incriminate my children. Suffice it to say “the ride home” is the #1 worst thing about going to amusement parks.
And now you know that I lack endurance, am cheap, and wear pants all summer. Want to read more from me?