Oh c’mon, you know that movie about that gruesome zombie totally reminded you of your adorably drooly, slow-crawling 9-month-old. (Maybe that baby talk really translates to “braaaains, braaaains …”) OK, maybe that was just me, but I can’t help but draw eerie similarities between parenting and thematic elements of popular cinema.
Still not convinced? Check out these 11 popular movies and my parenting take on ‘em.
Sleeping With the Enemy 1 of 11Sleeping with a mouth-breathing, rib-kicking, cover-stealing toddler is pretty damn hellish if you ask me. By day (and between tantrums), your toddler is an angel. By night, he becomes your sworn co-sleeping enemy.
Get it from Amazon, $8.49
Groundhog Day 2 of 11Every day is the same as a parent: Wake kid up, make kid breakfast, give kid bath, brush kid teeth, get kid dressed, fix kid snack, kiss kid boo-boo, find kid shoes, wipe kid butt, make kid lunch, fix kid snack, dry kid tears, get kid Band-Aid, make kid dinner, fold kid laundry, clean kid mess, read kid book. Lather, rinse, repeat for the next decade.
Get it from Amazon, $8.99
Fight Club 3 of 11The first rule of bribing our kids is that we don't talk about bribing our kids. Yep, parenting: Mischief. Mayhem. Soap.
Get it from Amazon, $14.99
Wedding Crashers 4 of 11Kids are everything crashers: movie crashers, dinner crashers, wedding crashers, phone-call crashers ... the list goes on. Our kiddos invented this move; Hollywood just capitalized on it.
Get it from Amazon, $5.97
Contagion 5 of 11Your kid has a cold ... but it might as well be a deadly disease the way you tirelessly work to contain the sniffle outbreak.
Get it from Amazon, $17.49
No Country for Old Men 6 of 11Parenting is a young person's sport. So maybe you haven't found yourself caught in a violent web of dead bodies, narcotics, and cool millions, but you did hurt the crap out of your foot when you stepped on that pile of Legos and then got all scary-psycho about it.
Get it from Amazon, $12.19
Christine 7 of 11You know as well as I that the 1958 Plymouth Fury in Stephen King's Christine should have really have been about a 2012 Honda Odyssey. Seriously, if someone's gonna fall in love with a car, it might as well be a kickass van with the ability to seat 8 adults or up to 5 toddlers safely secured with LATCH seating positions, right? Don't even get me started on the safety and entertainment features of this swagger wagon. Swoon.
Get it from Amazon, $6.99
Hall Pass 8 of 11Two married dudes are given a "hall pass" by their wives to do whatever they want for an entire week. Don't we all secretly dream of a parenting hall pass? Just one week to be childfree; imagine the possibilities ...
Get it from Amazon, $8.49
The Hurt Locker 9 of 11Ever try sneaking into your kid's room to clean out their toys without them knowing? It takes the work of a skilled professional. Quick, dirty, and reckless is what you are!
Get it from Amazon, $7.69
Zookeeper 10 of 11This zookeeper talks to animals. Doesn't every parent?
Get it from Amazon, $17.69
The Hangover 11 of 11New parenthood is every bit as daunting, adventurous and dangerous as the plot of The Hangover. You wake up from the haze of midnight feedings, one-handed diaper changes, and phantom body rocking only to realize you lost yourself somewhere along the way. The next 18 years lead you on a dangerous path to retrace your steps.
Get it from Amazon, $7.99
Are any of your favorite movies metaphors for parenting?
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