11 Things That Make Us Feel Like Sucky Parents (and the 1 Thing That Makes it OK)
You’ve felt like a sucky parent at least 10 billion times, right?
It’s like a prerequisite to awesome parenting to feel like you’re failing at least twice a day.
I know I’m a good mom. Scratch that, I know I’m a great mom in spite of the very normal and often horrifying parenting mishaps I encounter every single day.
I know you can relate so I asked around, did a little research and discovered what things made you feel like a sucky parent. This is what you had to say:
-
Sassitude
We all deal with a healthy dose of attitude but when our children dish it up in public, eeks!
-
Bad manners
We teach good manners and our kids forget good manners. Nose picking, farting, burping and failing to say thank you are just a few of our parenting pet peeves.
-
Picky eating
Picky eating at home is annoying. Picky eating at someone else's house is horrifying.
-
An ungrateful attitude
If you've ever watched your child unwrap a gift and proclaim they don't like it out loud, you know what it feels like to want to crawl in a hole and die.
-
Walking away
When you child decides they don't like what you're saying and simply walks away, it feels as if your parenting card has been revoked.
-
Shyness
Shyness is not to be confused with rudeness (but unfortunately it can sometimes come off that way).
-
Stubborness
We all want our children to grow to be great leaders with a mind all their own...once they're out of the house of course.
-
Mean behavior
Witnessing our child lash out out at another can be both ugly and embarrassing.
-
Forgetting stuff
We may have all forgotten a pajama day here or snack day there but that doesn't make the punch in the mom gut any less painful.
-
Hurting them
We've all clipped too short or bumped the baby's head. We've all felt really guilty about it too.
-
Work guilt
When your kids tell you you're never around, it hurts...even if not having food on the table hurts more.
Here’s the good news: You love your children and they know it. Despite the sometimes feeling of failure, you go to bat every single day with your heart in it 1000%. For that reason alone, you can bet you’re succeeding in the game of parenting; trust in it.
What makes you feel like you’re failing as a parent? What tells you it’s all OK?
Get your daily dose of Mommyfriend here where nothing is sacred.
Follow Mommyfriend on the Facebook and the Twitter too!
Parent Fail: I didn’t count on motherhood being so hard
when your kids compared you to another’s mom..
Amen, amen
Here is my take, noting that I am not a parent yet but have been told by some that I have a knack for it already (I use the “Super nanny” methods mixed with my Momma’s wisdom):
Sassitude, Stubbornness, and Walking Away: With these you just have to remember that children are learning right from wrong from you. If you consistently and persistently let them know which behaviors are not acceptable and which are, eventually they will rise to the occasion. The key here is to lay down the law in a firm but loving manner.
Bad Manners: I understand not wanting them to pick their nose and wanting them to say thank you. But here again they are still learning. Children do not have filtering systems and since they are still learning, they will forget from time to time. They are not trying to embarrass you or be rude they just don’t know. And as far as farting and burping go, these are normal bodily functions and can not be helped. The rudeness comes when they fail to say “pardon me” or something like that (and that is societal…in some societies around the world farting and burping, especially after a meal, is considered a compliment). Laugh it off and move on, it is not worth being embarrassed about.
Picky eating @ someone else’s house: If you know you have a picky eater (and especially if the host is a parent), let the host know. Or better yet, let the host know that because your child is a picky eater, you will bring something from home so that he/she will not have to cook something special for your child. This is no big deal. Simply ask the host what will be served and adjust accordingly. If he/she is also a parent they should understand.
*note: My take on picky eaters is that they are only picky for as long as you give into it. I worked at a daycare that my friend runs and we had a super picky eater (a 2yr old that would only eat pb&j sandwiches). I decided that enough was enough and called his bluff one day. I sat with him and fed him for a good half hour to 45 min. before he ate on his own. I would not let him leave the high chair until he ate some of his food. He screamed, hollered and cried the whole time but after that incident he started trying new foods and now asks for seconds often. The thing with picky eaters is power: they want it, don’t give it to them. Food is one of those things that you must be in control of because it can determine health. It can seem exhausting and not worth it but it is!
Ungrateful Attitude: Often times the child is just being honest. At times, I know, it can seem devastating to hear your child say they don’t like a gift or a food or a service or whatever. Simple let the child know that you are glad they know what they like and don’t like but to say thank you is polite either way because that person thought of them. It’s not about the gift or the food or the service or whatever it may be, it is about that person thinking of that child. Don’t downplay their personal opinion but play up the thought.
Shyness: This is not a rude or disrespectful attitude. Shyness is a fear of what others think. Knowing this, you should never chide your child for being shy or force them to meet new people or talk to someone they are not comfortable with. Simply comfort them, let them know that it is ok and move on.
Mean Behavior: In most cases mean behavior is just the child exerting their independence. When your child hits, bites or says something mean to another child or (gasp) an adult, they are simply showing that they have an individual will and opinion. Let them know that you are glad they are showing their independence but that what they did hurt the other person, then teach them ways to be an individual without hurting someone and let them know that compassion is an amazing thing. I often like to say: “Well, how would you feel if they did that to you?” This is a great way to teach the child to “walk in their shoes” and teaches them compassion and love.
Forgetting Stuff: I can understand feeling bad about forgetting their lunch or a coat on a cold day. But things like “pajama day” or something similar are options not necessities. These are things that they can be responsible for reminding you of…you have enough on your mind without having to worry about silly things like pajama day. This is a good opportunity to not only give the child responsibility for remembering their own stuff but to teach them about roles in the family and why you forget such things (you have A LOT to do and think about).
Hurting Them: Hey, it happens. Let them know that you are truly sorry and move on. Unless you are beating your child, hurting them is no big deal. We all do things like bump their heads or clip their nails too tight. Don’t make too big a deal out of this unless they are seriously hurt (like a trip to the E.R. hurt), otherwise don’t sweat it. Kids play off of your emotions and learn from them as well. If you freak out about it they will too, sometimes well into adulthood. Just ask yourself: “Is it worth freaking out about or can it be fixed with a band-aid and/or a kiss?”
Work Guilt: This is a hard one I know. You have a child only to have someone else “raise” them. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Make every moment count (when you are @ home, shower them with love). Do you have a choice in taking that overtime? Don’t. Do you really have to go to that business party? If it is a matter of keeping your job then go. But explain to your child these things. This is a good time to teach them about the economy and why you are working. Are you working to make ends meet? Or to have a lavish lifestyle? I gotta tell you if it is the latter you have your priorities all wrong. A child would rather have you! If it is the former, then teach them that the reason you are working is to put food on the table and help pay bills so that your family doesn’t live on the street. But be careful because too much information can lead the child to worry and think they have to help. Let them know that they are the child and you want them to remain that way. Their responsibility is not to earn $$$ for the family.
All in all, most of these seem like first world problems. Parents need to quit beating themselves up about things that are so trivial. There is a simple fix for it all: Be a parent not a pansy. Our children will turn out better if we properly teach and discipline them and if we let them know that they are the child and we the parents, period. Balance is the key: balance between discipline and fun! Don’t forget to have fun with your child too!
Anyway, that is my “two cents” worth. Take it or leave it.
What about losing your temper and yelling? She bursts into tears and gives me the biggest guilt trip. I’m not sure how much of it is manipulation and how much of it is real sadness, but it makes me feel horrible. Around these here parts they institute the “yes ma’am, no ma’am,” but that’s not my thing. However, after all the arguments I get from my 6 y/o, I’m about to migrate to the Yes Ma’am side and end this whole struggle.
when they have bad grades. you know that the teacher is complaining about how you don’t love your child because they failed history class. the other moms think you and your kid are stupid, now.
I don’t want to admit it but there are two things that make me feel like a bad parent: 1. I don’t always remember to brush my son’s 3 little teeth. I’m ruining his future oral hygiene habits.
He is only 9 months old but hey, you have to teach them right from the beginning right??
2. I lose my temper and yell. At him or not, it makes me feel like I failed.. again. He is only 9 months old, he doesn’t understand, and can’t control the fact that he’s hungry and I’m in the middle of something that will only take a couple more minutes. Bad mommy.
I have never felt like a ‘sucky’ parent. And some of these examples like the present one, are either a lack of teaching your kids respect, or a lack of knowing your kids. Or both. Either way the reaction would be unacceptable, if I didn’t like a gift I got growing up, I still smiled, said thank you and was appreciative. Regardless, these are mostly just due to ‘the lack of’ something in parenting. As for nose picking ect, kids are kids, and sometimes that means being gross, shouldn’t make you feel like a ‘sucky’ parent because your kids don’t feel ashamed. And the picky eating thing isn’t a big deal either, just teach them to be polite about their indifference to food.