When I was a little girl, I always wanted my mother to cut the crusts off the sandwich and then cut the sandwich diagonal across the bread. Sandwiches always seemed tastier that way, and with peanut butter and jelly, less likely to end up on your face thanks to points to begin chomping on, versus shoving your cheeks into the U of the crust. (Please tell me someone else understands?)
Instead, she always left the crusts on with a knife straight down the middle. No matter how many times I asked, the sandwich line fell vertical.
I swore that when I was a mom, I’d cut sandwiches diagonal. I’d let my kids experience the supreme in sandwich tastiness and ease of eating.
I’ve kept that promise and always, always cut on the diagonal. But here’s the other kid things I do as an adult, aka now that I’m the boss:
I eat the cookie dough. 1 of 12
You know how your mom always told you not to do it? SORRY, MOM. I RUN MY LIFE NOW. All the cookie dough belongs to my belly.
I play with chalk. 2 of 12
I didn't get much chalk time as a kid, probably because the moment I drew something beautiful, my older brothers would hose it off and make me cry. Now I'm in charge of the hose, my stinky brothers live far away, and I can draw chalk crowns to my heart's desire.
I eat cake for dinner. 3 of 12
Obviously not often because while I may be a kid at heart, my metabolism is definitely over 30 years old. But did you ever just want to skip the chicken and veggies and go straight for the sugar? ME TOO.
I use kid shampoo. 4 of 12
When I'm sick, this is the stuff I love. The kids' soothing vapor body wash. Sometimes I even steal his bubble bath.
I sleep with the dog. 5 of 12
I wished my dog would sleep with me every night but she stayed in the kitchen. NOT ANYMORE. Snuggle puppy, party of 3 up in our bed.
I drag out my pillows and blankies for movies. 6 of 12
Movie nights growing up were on the couch with my brothers. When I was at my cousin's house, her mom made elaborate cozy pallets of blankets, and as an adult, I'm the first one dragging down my pillows and duvet.
I take naps. 7 of 12
I always wanted my mom to take naps with me. And now that I'm an adult, I value a nap more than chocolate or good beer. So I nap on the weekends, with my kid, sometimes for several delicious hours.
I serve dinner picnics. 8 of 12
Because sometimes the dinner table is too stuffy for frozen pizza and beer, the dinner of champions (and exhausted mothers).
I go living room camping. 9 of 12
We were huge campers when I grew up (hello, 12 years in Girl Scouts!) but the moment I mentioned pitching a tent indoors, the idea was squashed. Well, hello living room camping. Our tent has seen more action in the house than out.
I stay in my pajamas all day. 10 of 12
Sometimes I even go in public in them, like to the mailbox or driving through Starbucks. But yep, I've been known to still be wearing pajamas at 7pm.
I read extra stories. 11 of 12
I always wanted more than one bedtime story but with 3 kids, my mom didn't have the time. When we adopted my younger cousins, she really didn't have the time for bedtime chats and stories. So I read extra, say extra prayers, sometimes even snuggle for five minutes.
Diagonal cuts all the way. 12 of 12
BECAUSE I AM THE BOSS OF ME.
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