14 Reasons Why You Don’t Want To Get A Trampoline

Two things are sprouting on lawns across suburbia this time of year: dandelions and trampolines.

They are both ugly weeds that get too tall and are impossible to remove.

My Facebook feed is teeming with photos of friends who have scored a new tramp for their backyard. There are pics of the kids bouncing and laughing and having fun. At least on opening day.

Our backyard neighbors had a trampoline. The day they installed it, my wife cried. They put it in a far corner of their backyard, not 20 yards from our kitchen window. The only thing she saw above our fence where a view of sunrises and blue skies had been, was black nets. We loved the day that they moved.

Trampolines are terrible, people. They really, really are. People hate trampolines. You may love it (at first), but the day you unpack that thing everyone in the hood is scowling at you with a tsk tsk tsk under their breath.

If you are thinking about getting one for the kids this summer, stop. Don’t.

  • Trust Me 1 of 16
    14 Reasons NOT To Buy A Trampoline

    This is not a good idea.  If you're having the debate in your house, click through and roll up some ammo why you don't want this to happen at your house.

  • Trampolines Are Boring 2 of 16
    14 Reasons Why People Hate Trampolines

    The kids will use it half a dozen times. At most. Parents think tossing them in a bouncy mesh cage will be the perfect tonic to boredom.  Truth is: kids get bored of bouncing on a trampoline too.

    Image via Klobetime

  • Trampolines Are Ugly 3 of 16
    14 reasons not to buy a trampoline

    Unlike the Transformer, or dolly, or bike, or scooter that they get bored of, you can't stuff a trampoline into the corner of a toybox or garage.  It's big. It's ugly. The flickr caption for the photo above is "the Ikea project from hell." Have fun with that.

    Image via twid

  • Trampolines Are Wastes Of Money 4 of 16
    14 reasons not to buy a trampoline

    These bouncing things aren't cheap people. And it will sit and stare at you and rust and as the local birds and vermin make nests underneath it you will be reminded every single day what an ugly, waste of money it was.

    Image via Mike Cogh

  • Trampolines Are Popular 5 of 16
    14 reasons why people hate trampolines

    Oh sure, during the first week you'll think it's awesome that every kid is coming over to play, but you'll soon realize the other parents are smart. They didnt waste the money on a big ugly tramp AND they get to ditch the kids on you.  You'll never have quiet again.

    Image via Elliott Cable

  • Trampolines Are Not Neighborly 6 of 16
    14 reasons not to buy a trampoline

    Stuffing it in the far corner of your yard away from your house just puts it closer to someone else's house. Instead of being neighborly like Wilson and peering your nose over the fence to chat, you have erected what amounts to a big fishing net between the houses.

    Image via akeg

  • America’s Funniest? 7 of 16
    14 Reasons Why People Hate Trampolines

    Okay, the best part of America's Funniest Videos is the moment you see a trampoline, because you know it's not going to end well.  But while it's funny to laugh at someone else's kid doing a faceplant, how will you react when it's yours?

    Image via Aislinn Ritchie

  • 250 00 Reasons 8 of 16
    14 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Buy A Trampoline

    As early as 1998, pediatricians were calling for a ban on trampolines as injuries doubled year over year. 250,000 trampoline-related injuries were treated in hospital emergency departments in the United States between 1990 and 1995. 

    via Science Daily

    Image via Jingle Jammer

  • Group Jump 9 of 16
    reasons you don't want a trampoline

    20% of injuries to the spinal cord caused by trampoline use are due to jumpers bumping into each other, trying to do stunts, or falling off of the trampoline.

    via BrainandSpinalCord.org.

    Image via Sarah Korf

  • One At A Time 10 of 16
    14 Reasons People Hate Trampolines

    You can't just stop at one kid. They all want to be on at the same time and that's when 75% of the injuries are most likely to happen.Fractures and dislocations make up nearly 1/2 the injuries and kids under 5 are most likely to get hurt.  

    via Pediatrics and USA Today.

    Image via Matthew Juzenas

  • Net’s Don’t Work/Matter 11 of 16
    14 reasons not to buy a trampoline

    Nets, padding, and other safety features don't really do anything to significantly decrease the risk of injury. 

    via Pediatrics and USA Today.

    Image via twid

  • Time For Wapner! 12 of 16
    14 reasons you dont want a trampoline

    Remember all the kids coming over to use your tramp? Remember the part about everyone wanting to get on at the same time and that's when the injuries happen? Well, many home insurance policies don't cover injuries related to trampolines. Those neighbors just might become plaintiffs. 

    via USA Today.

    Image via Dan Fulano

  • Break a Leg 13 of 16
    14 Reasons Why People Hate Trampolines

    Trampolines present a unique set of circumstances for injury, and they're not all from falling off the trampoline. If your kids like to have you bouncing with them, you're risking a type of broken leg called a proximal tibia fracture.  

    It is likely in kids under 6 and happens when you have a 170 pound adult bouncing with a 40 pound child, the recoil of the tramp isn't always consistent.  If a child lands incorrectly, when the tramp isn't cushioning, it's equivalent of landing 9 feet onto a hard surface. *Snap* 

    via CBC

    Image via TMOF

  • Ask Your Doctor 14 of 16
    14 Reasons You Don't Want A Trampoline

    Don't take my word for it, listen to your doctor. Last September, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) "strongly discourages" the use of recreational trampolines, either at home or in commercial indoor parks.

    via CBC

    Image via Cole24

  • Boring, Ugly, Rude, Waste Of Money 15 of 16
    14 Reasons Not To Buy A Trampoline

    Did I mention that trampolines are boring, ugly, wastes of money that are rude barriers in a neighborhood and hurt kids?  Okay, just checking.

    Image via Twid

  • The One Exception 16 of 16
    Reasons You Don't Want A Trampoline

    There is one kind of trampoline, I may be willing to cut some slack to - the sunken trampoline.  It is an inground bouncing device, think inground pool.  It's hidden away and blends into your yard and when the kids fall, they're not falling off or getting caught on anything, they're just dropping for 10-12 feet directly onto the lawn.  It might not be as bad, but no guarantees.

    Image via Sunken Trampoline

But … maybe I’ve got the whole thing wrong. Do you have a trampoline success story? Share it in the comments, or feel free to dogpile and tell me more reasons why trampolines are terrible.

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