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15 Things I Can Get Away with Because I Have Kids

The perks that come with being child-free are numerous, that I don’t dispute. There are the wild nights out, the mornings sleeping in, and the afternoons spent lounging on spotless white furniture reading in a silent house, just to name a few.

I won’t deny that there are times when I miss those carefree days but the grass isn’t always greener. Parenting has perks too. No, really. Hear me out: My children, though loud and messy and mischievous requiring almost constant supervision, have allowed me to get away with quite a few things that might cause one to raise a brow at even the child-free.

Take a look at all the things I’ve been able to get away with because I have kids:

 

  • Wearing dirty clothes 1 of 15
    Wearing dirty clothes
    The childless are expected to change clothes if someone vomits on them, but not parents. We have the luxury of just wiping off what hasn't absorbed into the fabric and continuing on with our day. The kid by our side let's the general public know to excuse us. We are human napkins.
    Photo credit Flickr
  • Having bad hair 2 of 15
    Having bad hair
    Early motherhood is the time in a woman's life when three-inch roots are totally acceptable. Any hairstyle beyond a ponytail is worthy of praise. It's the law.
    Photo credit Flickr
  • Showing up late 3 of 15
    Showing up late
    Being a parent means you are always traveling with an entourage and a bag so well stocked your family could survive a natural disaster (or a diaper blow out). Who could blame you for being a few minutes behind schedule?
    Photo credit Flickr
  • Having a love affair with a teen pop star 4 of 15
    Having a love affair with a teen pop star
    Your daughter has a terrible case of Bieber Fever, which explains why you know all the words to Never Say Never by heart. It's definitely not because you think his music is kind of catchy.
    Photo credit Flickr
  • Calling in sick 5 of 15
    Calling in sick
    Maybe your kid has a stomach bug or perhaps you had one too many glasses of wine at last night's book club. It may not be exactly ethical, but once you have children you can stop perfecting your hacking cough. Your kid won't mind taking the blame for your much-needed mental health day.
    Photo credit Flickr
  • Getting out of something I don’t want to do 6 of 15
    Getting out of something I don't want to do
    "We couldn't find a sitter" goes over so much better with that old friend from college than: "I always find cat hair in the food you serve and the primary color decorating scheme of your living room triggers my migraines."
    Photo credit Flickr
  • Caffeine over-indulgence 7 of 15
    Caffeine over-indulgence
    Being a parent is the perfect cover for a caffeine addiction. After about six months without a full night's sleep you realize that consuming two pots of coffee a day is a method of survival.
    Photo credit Flickr.
  • Eating dessert 8 of 15
    Eating dessert
    They ate two green beans and earned a cookie for dessert. You ate at least a dozen green beans and are now entitled to the remainder of the box.
    Photo credit Flickr
  • Slacking on household chores 9 of 15
    Slacking on household chores
    Who hasn't experienced the embarrassment of having an unexpected guest stop by when your house is less than presentable or, you know, filthy? Having a couple of kids racing around your messy living room has a way of alleviating some of that humiliation. "It was spotless in there this morning before the kids got up, I swear."
    Photo credit Flickr
  • Emitting embarrassing body odors 10 of 15
    Emitting embarrassing body odors
    Whoever smelled it dealt it and kids have the olfactory system of a bloodhound. Having a kid around means never having to cop to your own flatulence.
    Photo credit Flickr
  • Trick-or-treating 11 of 15
    Trick-or-treating
    Remember how disappointed you were when your mom broke the news that you were too old to trick-or-treat? As a parent you can finally put those years of anger and resentment behind you. Giving birth grants you at least a decade of acceptable candy collecting (and consumption).
    Photo credit Flickr
  • Taking unwanted phone calls 12 of 15
    Taking unwanted phone calls
    Tired of those nagging phone calls from telemarketers, debt collectors, or your in-laws? Just hand the phone to your kid. The rest will work itself out.
    Photo credit Flickr
  • Eating sugary cereals 13 of 15
    Eating sugary cereals
    Adulthood means handing in your beloved sugary cereal for something high in protein and fiber. That is, until you have children. Then you can resume buying Lucky Charms just to pick out the marshmallows.
    Photo credit Flickr
  • Playing with toys 14 of 15
    Playing with toys
    Go ahead. Buy yourself a stable full. I mean, the kids, buy the kids a stable full, but if you want to comb their hair before tossing them in the toy box no one has to know about it.
    Photo credit Flickr
  • Watching cartoons 15 of 15
    Watching cartoons
    Having a child in the house takes the shame out of losing an entire day to a Phineas and Ferb marathon. No one has to know how much you enjoyed it.
    Photo credit Flickr

Tell me: What would you add to the list? Have your children earned you a pass on something lately?

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