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15 Things I Can Get Away with Because I Have Kids

By amberdoty |

The perks that come with being child-free are numerous, that I don’t dispute. There are the wild nights out, the mornings sleeping in, and the afternoons spent lounging on spotless white furniture reading in a silent house, just to name a few.

I won’t deny that there are times when I miss those carefree days but the grass isn’t always greener. Parenting has perks too. No, really. Hear me out: My children, though loud and messy and mischievous requiring almost constant supervision, have allowed me to get away with quite a few things that might cause one to raise a brow at even the child-free.

Take a look at all the things I’ve been able to get away with because I have kids, after the jump …

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15 Things I Can Get Away with Because I Have Kids

Wearing dirty clothes

The childless are expected to change clothes if someone vomits on them, but not parents. We have the luxury of just wiping off what hasn't absorbed into the fabric and continuing on with our day. The kid by our side let's the general public know to excuse us. We are human napkins.
Photo credit Flickr

Tell me: What would you add to the list? Have your children earned you a pass on something lately?


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About amberdoty



Amber Doty is a writer, scientist, wife, and mother to two boys. On Babble, Amber wrote for both Strollerderby and KidScoop about parenting news, pop culture, raising school-age children and general parenting tips. More of her work can be found on her website, The Daily Doty.

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30 thoughts on “15 Things I Can Get Away with Because I Have Kids

  1. Jerry says:

    Absolutely awesome….though I find it odd that I still partake in at least 3/4 of that list and I don’t have kids….that just can’t be a good sign for when I finally have one….

    Better shape up while that Mirena’s still firmly in place…

  2. Jessica says:

    I do agree with most of this list but a few things I think moms can handle if they really tried. Brushing and straighting your hair takes all of about 15 minutes and changing your shirt covered in vomit takes about 30 seconds. I have 10 month old twins and when they were younger I always had a clean shirt with me just in case. I also work full time and I am able to keep up with the housework. It takes some energy and I def am a mom with a coffee addiction, but my mind feels a lot more at ease with a clean house. I am almost OCD about it.

  3. Mary Guevara says:

    funny and true. I have a child and i admit to the bad hair days and a couple of other items.

  4. Sara says:

    This list encompasses everything I was afraid of becoming when I had children. Now that I do, I’m proud to report that I never emit foul body odors, never go around unwashed and unclean, and I never eat entire boxes of cookies. Can we say ‘letting ourselves go’?

  5. Heather says:

    so true. tho there r ways 2 avoid some of these situations (extra shirt travel size brush in the diaper bag ect…) its true that if we run out of the house without the extra shirt (or the extra shirt also becomes a napkin) no one will look at us twice because of it. :)

  6. Michelle Horton says:

    Love it!!! Especially “getting out of things you don’t want to do.” This is one of my favorite perks of having kids. :)

  7. lauren says:

    i realize this was meant to be funny but honestly all but a couple (watching cartoons & playing with toys for example) made me wince. they seem so cowardly. why do you need to blame kids for not wanting to spend time with an old friend for example? grow up …

  8. Stacie says:

    Sara, everyone emits foul odors on occasion. It’s a sign of a functioning digestive tract, not “letting ourselves go.”

    That said, I do not think I’ve spent 15 consecutive minutes doing anything to my hair on a regular basis since I was a teenager.

  9. Melissa says:

    Well aren’t some of the ladies on here too high and mighty and self righteous? I’m not saying I agree with everything on the list, I’m pretty OCD about cleaning and wearing clean clothes, BUT to say that someone is ‘letting themselves go’ means that you would be the perfect little princess/housewife/working mom/most amazing person alive correct? Never throw rocks at glass houses ladies. GET over yourself;)

  10. Mom2Four says:

    I love the phone one. Recently I started letting my two year old answer telemarketer calls and bill collector calls. She LOVES talking on the phone and usually it’s a quick “Hello?” “Blah blah blah, giggle giggle, blah blah” “Bye bye”. I love it. And since the law states they can only call once a day if they get an answer, it means I get no more calls that day! And my hair is always in a ponytail and I spend more time washing the kids clothes than my own. Oh and my housework is definitely lacking!!!! But I have a six year old, a four year old, and a two year old plus one on the way and about to pop out. I have an excuse!

  11. Jennifer says:

    I always tell people that the spots on my shirt/pants/bag/etc arent ‘stains’ they are baby love :)

  12. sarah l says:

    Wow, Melissa! Thanks for reading my mind :-)

  13. The New Cinders says:

    Very very true! I think I have committed all of these regularly…

  14. Tara says:

    This is pretty funny. I can admit to occasionally being covered in whatever my 4 year old ate or spit up from my 2 month old. My hair is in a bun or braid 90% of the time. I have caught myself combing Barbies hair. Yesterday after nursing my lil girl I realized I had been watching phineas and ferb (my 4 year old wasn’t even home)

  15. Kari says:

    But, I dont WANT to be able to do these things….I want to have late nights and mornings again. I want to read all day without distraction. And half of this stuff I dont even do! (please inflect a whiny voice). The only one I really enjoy is calling in sick and only if it is with my infant. It is really no fun to stay home all day with a sick four year old. He doesnt nap, is too sick to be fun with and only wants HIS shows. Besides the fact that I am terrified of catching whatever he has, especially if vomiting is involved!!! (yeah, it was a hard weekend, for me.)

  16. momof4 says:

    Continually being late means people will stop inviting you places or you will get fired. And you better not show up at my door on halloween with a bag in hand or a baby in a stroller with a bag – BUY YOUR OWN CANDY. Having kids isn’t an excuse to freeload or force others to cater to you. Get over it.

  17. Purple says:

    The thing I selfishly relish about having a kid? Being the biggest goofball on the planet, and having an excuse (he’s 4, and he LOVES it!). It’s not “immaturity” anymore, it’s “having a blast with my kid.” And it’s the greatest way to relieve stress!

  18. Claudi says:

    Am I the only mom who totally adores Phineas and Ferb? It honestly entertains me… I am eternally grateful my boy likes it.

  19. Danielle says:

    I totally love Phineas and Ferb and my 4 year old does too. And since becoming a mom to him I have discovered a love (addiction) for Legos! Haha. I love this list. That doesn’t mean that I eat a box of cookies everyday or when my son vomits on me I choose to wear vomity clothes all day. It just means I have a valid excuse when/if it does happen and I shouldn’t make myself feel guilty. And by the way, my son DID vomit on me last week and we were an hour from home in the car. So yeah, not awesome but also what could I have done?

  20. Sarah says:

    This is like a list of “how to be a slob, lazy, and pathetic and blame it on your kids”.

    Wearing dirty clothes? Seriously? Gross. Using your children to get you out of things you’re too pathetic to get out of with real reason…Sad.

    Admitting you’re a fat-ass? Well…that’s America for you.

  21. amberdoty says:

    Thanks for stopping by, Sarah!

  22. Kelly says:

    Absolutely adore this list!! It was too funny to read and I’m definitely noting a couple things to do for when my son gets older like the phone call one. Til then I’ll enjoy watching NickJr and being his silly human toy. =)

  23. SHARON says:

    It is supposed to be a humorous article. Get a life Sarah, momof4, Sara, Jessica, Lauren, Kari.

  24. Meg says:

    The hair thing – my life is so much better since discovering dry shampoo. Seriously. I have long, fine, straight hair and ordinarily cannot get away with not washing it every day. But dry shampoo means I can now miss a day! Also – if I spend an extra 10 minutes curling it with tongs I can go one day further! It makes it look thicker and like I’ve somehow made the effort.

  25. ehartsay says:

    I’m a graduate student and half of this list applies to me as well, no baby required ;)

  26. Steph says:

    Um, I have twin babies, am a single mom who works full time and I still manage to wear clean clothes (even when they were infants), fix my hair, and keep my home clean. I think this should be called “The Lazy Persons’s Excuses”.

  27. Nicki says:

    I *CAN* do all of these things without children.

    Being a professional young adult means I *DON’T*.

  28. Doktor Dischord says:

    @ Sharon, Yes, But it’s not terribly humorous. As a single father of two beautiful, intelligent girls, I can easily say that this is just a list of excuses to not give a shit about your appearance/hygene/other people’s time and blame it on your children. Also, highest of fives to the poster who made the comment about people trick or treat with an infant with a bag for themselves. Pull that shit on Oct.31 at my door, you’re getting a rock. Thrown at your face.

  29. r.Hill says:

    I think the best thing is being able to be silly, because you’re having fun with your kids. But dirty house, dirty clothes, eating too many cookies, not washing/brushing hair? ew. Never understood moms who said they hadn’t showered for days because of the baby; really the baby didn’t sleep for a week so you couldn’t clean anything??? I used to breastfeed and do homework (college) and vacuum while holding the baby and shower while he slept. This is very lazy and it makes me sad.

  30. Spartacus says:

    You don’t need a kid to enjoy watching cartoons without shame. You just need a spine.

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