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20 Ways to Snub Your Lover

By Lori Garcia |

*SCREECH!* Let’s get real. Moms + Sex = Not that often. It’s math; you can’t argue with math.

OK, so maybe you and your partner have engaged in coital hotness every night for the last 8 years and you have 7 kids that haven’t slowed down your collective libidos. Well, this post isn’t for you sex kittens. And might I add, wowza.

For the rest of you mamas who dream of steamy sexy sleep every chance you get; I’m on your tired team.

And yes Dr. Ruth, moms know sex is important to maintaining intimacy in a relationship blah, blah, blah. Moving right along…

If women have needs then I gots needs of a different variety. I’ve got needs that involve quiet, wine, reality TV, laughter, gossip magazines, and pretty things. Am I really so different that the rest of the moms out there? The answer is no; I know because I asked.

It’s not that moms don’t enjoy sex because that’s not it at all. We  love us some chocolate cake too, but we’re not about to bake ourselves one at the end of a long day. You dig?

I polled the female masses (that’s what he said) and collected the most popular excuses moms use to get out of sex.

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Top Excuses Mothers Use To Not Have Sex

Can it wait until after Real Housewives?

Whoa, major blow to the male ego, but we can't possibly focus on anything until we know if Vicki and Tamra are on the outs. Priorities people.

[Image credit: Shutterstock]

Have you ever used any of these excuses to get out of sexy time?

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About Lori Garcia


Lori Garcia

Lori Garcia is a writer and mother of two living and loving in Southern California. When she's not fussing with her bangs, you can find her shaking her groove thing on her personal blog, Mommyfriend where she almost never combines true tales of motherhood and mayhem with her degree in child development. Read bio and latest posts → Read Lori's latest posts →

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76 thoughts on “20 Ways to Snub Your Lover

  1. Deanna says:

    OMG, so true…all of them, so true!!

  2. Doktor Dischord says:

    Two things: One: stop with thedeshows already, and Two: keep up that nonsense, and your man WILL go get it elsewhere.

    Cheers, Doktor Dischord, Resident Evil Genius

  3. The Q says:

    Hmmmmmmm………. Give good lovin’ to get your man to marry you, then make every excuse in the world for no more lovin’…………. It’s called “bait and switch”.

  4. Rick says:

    “And yes Dr. Ruth, moms know sex is important to maintaining intimacy in a relationship blah, blah, blah. Moving right along…”

    With that attitude, this article should be entitled, “How to Become a Single Mom… FAST!”

  5. Dirty Girl says:

    Women that don’t like and want sex should not get married. Sex is the most important part of marriage. It bonds two people together, reduces stress and is just damn good fun.

    Unfortunately I was married to an jerk who didn’t like sex and made me feel like a slut for wanting sex and made my life a misery. If you don’t want sex, then let your spouse go, you are a poor excuse for a mate.

  6. Sara says:

    It’s no wonder that so many men cheat on their wives.If you don’t want it,you don’t want it.But you don’t have to make excuses.And you really need THAT many excuses? How hard is it to say,”Honey,I just don’t feel like it.” Or better yet,”Honey,(insert the TRUTH here!)”.Most guys understand,they have days like that too.And if he keeps trying too hard you can always say,”You know who else has boobs? Your mother.” Stops them pretty much every time.

  7. Blueboyo says:

    Okay. So using the attitudes expressed above, you make excuses, regularly, and finally he, and he will, goes out and finds someone who will have sex with him. Sorry, you don’t get to be outraged !!! You do not get to go out regularly with your friends – who you spend more time talking to than you do to him, and commiserate, endlessly, about what sh**s men are. Well, you can do all those things, but it won’t do you any good. It might get you a nice divorce, but he will often consider that a damned good deal. It is often amazing what a good divorce can do for a man. Oh, and get this – you do not get to make all the rules in the relationship.

  8. JD says:

    It’s all men commenting. You know why? We hear all these excuses and we need to understand that it isn’t just my own wife giving me the cold shoulder.

    We try to be nice, we try to be understanding, and then we get crapped on by the person who is supposed to love us the most. We’re more than happy to have gabfest, to ‘just hold you,’ and to give you a little time alone when the kids are finally asleep so you can just chill out… but eventually there needs to be a certain social interaction that helps create the cement that keeps a marriage together (and people who pretend otherwise are lying to themselves).

    Go long enough with the exucses and eventually, we stop talking to you. We stop doing nice things for you. We stop giving a rat’s butt about what you think. And then you get irritated with us because we’re ‘cold and unfeeling.’

    Well, it’s ’cause you made us that way.

  9. Blonde1 says:

    Making excuses not to have sex? As a woman who loves sex and especially giving my man oral sex…I find this article so sad that so many women don’t enjoy sex…NOT me. I have always had a strong and passionate sex drive so I can’t relate to the article. The more sex I have the better I feel about myself and body. I work out 2 hours a day…and still make time to ride my man “like a rental car…long and rough”

  10. Trish says:

    I was married to a gynecologist and managed his very large practice; so many women were just not interested in sex. And I would hear these excuses used. Of course men can only be rejected so many times; and that is how its seems. Rejected by the one you love. Can you blame them for taking up hobbies for hours, hanging in the garage, not doing the little romantic things anymore, and for cheating. Egos begin to take a big hit and little chemistry and flirting, leaves an unsatisfied man with a temptation to great to resist. Think about that. Men are very simple, unlike complicated us. They love you and work to provide for and share a home with you. The intimate part is necessary and natural and very healthy mentally and physical. Culinary skills are much appreciated by the fellas and they enjoy being close and snuggling as well. But deprive them of that sexual need, they become unsatisfied and let down, then radars are up looking for someone to satisfy that need. And there are plenty of women ready to be the next Mrs. Personally I enjoy a very healthy libido and think sex is something amazing and special that forges a connection getting us through a tough and often difficult world. It is as God meant it to be. Peace and love <3

  11. trixie says:

    my husband allways says i have to save him from himself. and that pritty much explains it all right.just keep your man happy and you yourself will be happy thats all there is to it.

  12. David says:

    Don’t want to have sex? No problem. That’s what blowjobs are for.

  13. Steve says:

    Those excuses are keeping Ashley Madison in business. Good strategy girls.

  14. icky says:

    If you’re not willing to give it to your man, there are plenty of other women that will. And they don’t care if there’s a ring on his finger or not.

  15. Laura says:

    WHY would you need an EXCUSE?????! I am going with just say no. Why would more be needed in a GOOD relationship.

  16. kathy says:

    I married a younger man and almost as soon as the I dos were over I went into menopause…big time. I make efforts to have sex, but now he doesn’t want it. It’s been a pretty miserable 3 years…I’m sure for both of us.

  17. Celeste S. says:

    Let me see….
    My Ex stopped washing up “down there”, making him smell and taste NASTY.
    Me performing oral sex on him quickly became a chore, and I no longer enjoyed it.
    Also, He felt that brushing his teeth after smoking a pack and a half of cigarettes and drinking coffee all day was no longer necessary.
    He was emotionally and verbally abusive, and I lived with criticism on a daily basis from him.
    Of course, he complained all the time that I was never “in the mood” and expected me to initiate.
    Why would I want to have sex with someone who didn’t respect me enough to keep himself clean,,,or to treat me like a person?

  18. Keith B.R. says:

    Women, who are more controlling than men–by FAR, think that, ‘general’ BAD behaviour (including these excuses) are normal, customary, & required so that, they can keep their acquired ‘dog’ in check. I agree with nearly ALL of the commenters who chide & deride this arrogant & destructive mind-set which MOST women (attempt to) employ. Men are finally beginning to resist women’s pathetic need to feel ‘empowered’ so that, they can feel good about their insecure & weak minds. We’re tired of it–period! Any man who tolerates this crap from his female companion is a fool & is heading for a split/break-up. Women, please heed this advice: MUTUAL respect-&-courtesy is the ONLY way you will keep a man (with a back-bone). I think these ‘articles’ easily prove my point (–”controlling women”), &, there are soooo many more.


    “Love, Peace, Chicken-grease”

  19. Trout Almondine says:

    I got “I’m depressed/stressed and have no libido.” Then, “I”m on antidepressants and they’ve left me with no libido.” Then, “I can’t have sex at night because it wakes me up too much.” Then, “I can’t have sex because I feel so sick all the time because I’m pregnant.” Then, “I’m a new mother and I’m really stressed and I don’t want sex.” Then, “I’m just getting older. All my sisters are the same way. They’re just not interested.”

    Finally, after listening to this shit through six years of marriage, and being more understanding than a husband should ever bem I found out she’d been cheating on me with her boss for a the final year and a half. She hasn’t been able to explain to me exactly what happened; our therapist says that some women just need to have the excitement of an affair to revive their libido.

    Having discovered this, I told her I wanted to have sex more often. She said her libido was gone because she felt such shame and guilt over the affair.

    We’re getting divorced.

    Men: Sex is part of marriage. Don’t cheat–it makes you less of a husband and a man. But tell her what you need and expect, and if it’s unacceptable–get out. Get out FIRST. I suspect this is the REAL reason women don’t want to have sex–they enjoyed the romance of courtship, but once the marriage is over, there’s nothing to be excited about, the daily grind begins, and then, she’d be very much in the mood with someone else.

    Like, at every f’ing night of a conference; on days off she takes without telling you; or when she tells you she’s going out by herself to a movie and leaving you home with your kids. I swear to God.

  20. Parker says:

    Yeah. Ladies…please don’t feed us that BS. He truth would be nice, that way we don’t feel even more

  21. linda says:

    So, no matter how big of an ass a man is, it is all because his wife won’t give him any!? Very funny! I gave my exhusband sex two to three times a week for twenty years and he was STILL an ass. Do you think it might be possible that he was just an unfeeling, cold, self centered ass…whether he got sex or NOT!
    Duh! And to the men who insist they cant be kind considerate and lovinng to a woman because she does not give him enough sex, lets turn that one around,,,,if you ARE kind, considerate and loving..perhaps she will WANT to give you sex!

  22. Roxanne says:

    I had to laugh at the grooming excuses. If I’m not in tip-top shape, I throw it out there as a disclaimer. “Okay, we’ll do this, but just so you know…” It has never deterred my husband. As for the other excuses, well, I think it’s sad that so many women will give excuses instead of just saying “Look, I’m not feeling it tonight.” If we as women expect our partners to be honest and upfront with us, then we need to reciprocate. Rejection hurts no matter how you couch it, especially coming from someone you love, but to add to the burn by giving a lame-ass excuse? Come on now. We should all be better than that.

  23. MIA says:

    Well, I have recently started to say, “If you ain’t taking care of your man than someone else will”
    It’s just that simple girls. Men are very easy creatures to please. I found out the hard way and after it was almost too late. Stop with the petty excuses.

  24. Thisisgarbage says:

    As a woman with a normal sex drive who married a man with a lower than average libido, this article makes me sick. And I am far from the only woman I know who ended up in the opposite of the stereotypical situation. I love sex and I love it often and excuses for not having it are just that, excuses not reasons. It forges intimacy and no, talking is not the same as sex. I can have a conversation with my spouse at breakfast. When I want physical closeness there is no substitute and refusing me makes me feel unattractive and unwanted and makes me think, hm, that lawn over there sure looks like it gets watered a lot more than mine does, perhaps I should stroll? I don’t, but it occurs to me.

  25. typo says:

    She was 34, never married and did not want kids. A lot of fun in the bed. Sex was only2-3 times a week, but we lived a very busy lifestyle.
    Then we got married. After a year she decided that she wanted a baby. I am older and my child is grown, but I understand the desire. Sex increases 4-6 times a week. I get very happy.
    20 months and one fertility doctor later she is pregnant! Then the baby comes and sex comes to a near total stop.
    The baby is not a toddler and sex has dropped to once every3 months, and them she complains about having it.
    I love her, but the fact is that if their was not a baby involved I would be so gone. I feel like I have had my whole life stolen from me in order to give her the one thing that she said she never wanted. I no longer get to travel, I have very little to no free time, and to top it all off I will not be able to retire until I am at least 71 years old.
    My marriage is a sexless disaster. As much as I love my wife and child I often with they did not exist. and her response is to constantly demand another child!
    Think what you want, but given the chance I would screw around in a heart beat. At least then there would be some sort of intimacy in my life.

  26. sadie says:

    to typo- maybe you should tell her how you feel? tell her if she doesn’t put out, you’re gone. you never should’ve had a kid with her to begin with. she trapped you. get out before you die of a heart attack, or at least wish you would.

  27. Yvonne says:

    I get what everyone is saying: but women need affection and kindness BEFORE bed. Sex begins at sunrise, and I don’t mean literally. I work full time at a VERY demanding job. He likes the money I bring home, as he’s very materialistic and loves the income. But he was waking me up EVERY NIGHT, 7 nights a week at 2AM sharp for sex. Every NIGHT. Then again at 4AM. I began to dread bedtime. I was so exhausted during the day I’d fall asleep at meetings at work. Tried to tell him. He ignored me. This went on for over 2 years of our marriage. That’s when I began to make excuses. Let’s not ignore the fact that he was hyper-critical as a person. He also told me in bed one night-angry with me about something-that a former girlfriend was “great in bed” and that “he really enjoyed himself and she enjoyed herself.” Think I’ll ever forget. And no-this was NOT after I’d begun to withdraw. It was in the middle of those marathon sex mornings. Last, hebegan to urge me to initiate sex. WHo wanted to? WHo had time??

  28. Scott says:

    Give an excuse for that too often and get ready to find your own home. No alimony either! You on your own!

  29. Browsing says:

    I’ve heard so many of these, and I relate to so many of the comments above that I’m almost driven to tears – and I’m a MAN. Not that men don’t/shouldn’t cry, but I’m not sure that they should cry about SEX. The article above makes me angry, and some of the comments sound like things that I don’t want to hear (baby with her after already having raised my own child, etc) for fear that I might be going down the same road. The woman having the affair with her boss is depressing, not because I’m afraid my wife is/was cheating, but because if she is, all she needs to do is let me know so I can too. The thought has crossed my mind, and I’m not sure she hasn’t/isn’t.

    I’ve heard so many excuses: busy trying to chase the almighty dollar, “my mind doesn’t work like that”/”Is that all you think about?”, “you don’t x, you don’t y, you aren’t ‘nice’ “, “you ____ed, ____ed, and _____ed (nearly a lifetime ago) and don’t you think that’s hard to get over?”, and the hits keep on coming. If you’re busy owning/running your multiple businesses, I understand, but I’d rather be poor and get it on even *sometimes* than live this life. It’s not all I think about; I’d still appreciate it if you thought about it and did it with me sometimes. I love you – mostly, but not like I would if we did it from time to time.
    I’m realizing that you believe that the “mind” of everyone you know/control should “work like” yours; why not come ’round to my way of thinking, even if it’s only to be physical instead of being greedy, self-centered, controlling, and spoiled? I *used to be* ‘nice’ and I used to x, y, z, AND I did other stuff that was actually WAY good, but you never noticed until I didn’t do them: guess why it’s hard for me to be that way anymore. I can’t undo all the bad stuff I’ve done, but I wouldn’t have married you if I thought I was going to be “punished” so ‘ex post facto’: you should’ve hammered me then (or not married me), before I was committed.

    Many of the Ladies above have said that if you make excuses, “he’s going to get it somewhere”. Well, I got sick of competing with the phone, dumb reality TV, work, FaceTime /w friends, travel with friends, etc. I had affairs w/ 2 different women (1 recently-divorced, 1 in a marriage similar to mine physically, but didn’t meet either on the internet – I don’t do that) in less than a week. I felt alive again, it was better than it EVER has been with my wife, and I don’t *love* my wife any less. I don’t feel good about it, but after a laundry list of excuses (many like the ones in the Blog above) for YEARS, I don’t feel as bad as others would say I SHOULD. I hate myself a little bit for cheating, but I hate her a little for making me feel it was necessary. She’s shown me that marriage isn’t such a sacred thing. She can subcontract house-cleaning, cooking, errands, etc. Why can’t I subcontract for some lovin’?

  30. sophia says:

    Why are so many comments about the article negative? I enjoy sex despite the 11pm bedtime and 5.30am wake up but these excuses feature once in a while. I can also add my own: I have an early gym class and I will not be able to keep up! I found the article funny and well written.

  31. Qflux says:

    I think lots of the comments are negative because people trapped in loveless marriages for real have a hard time finding it funny…just a thought.

  32. teebone says:

    Yes we started down that busy life of parents over 3 decades ago and I heard all of these. Hey guess what I worked from 3 am til 6 pm to get all the things she thought she needed so I could take care of her needs. I also did the evening cooking, laundry, vacuuming and all the yard chores and household maintainance. Oh yes I still desired her after all of this! Did I still want to talk, yes. But she did not want to enjoy physical intimacy. I finally told her she could haver as much conversation as I had sex. After all we each connect in a different way. Conversation is her way and sex is mine as is the case with most men and women. That was almost 20 years ago. We have had sex maybe once a year since and talked the same. You see I don’t need conversation, just communicating the to do lists and she does not need sex. So that is the way we live.

  33. b says:

    why should women be forced to do things they don’t want to do?

  34. Clancy says:

    Um… if you like sex with your husband, you won’t be making excuses not to have sex. If you’re really tired, you’re really tired. I would have to say that’s the one and only reason I’ve ever given for not wanting sex at a particular time (and then we make up for it the next day). It’s not an excuse – it’s a reality. And I don’t say I’m tired because I’m trying to get out of having sex – it’s because I won’t be able to enjoy it as much if I’m dead-tired. I don’t really understand why there’s this misconception that women are always fighting men off and never want to have sex. As long as he knows what he’s doing, it’s all good.

  35. Diana says:

    sex IS important to maintaining intimacy in a relationship. AND IT’S FUN! Isn’t that how/why we made our babies in the first place? WTF ladies, don’t make us all seem like dried up old prunes. Put out every once in a while and quit whining about everything.

  36. Wolf says:

    Guys, it’s the same BS with most women and relationships. The darned thing is…there are actually women with a similar high libido, you just can’t tell the difference in the dating stages. Your not gonna know until you’ve sealed your fate. Girls, if we knew you wanted to come home and watch TV, eat chocolates and pass out every night, we would have stopped by with a pizza, enjoyed your company as a friend then went home and got laid by the hot neighbor girl with no strings attached. But you already knew that, right?

  37. harmony says:

    The last 5 years of my marriage involved almost no sex. my partner was very ill and yet we shared intimacy of different sorts. Keeping someone feeling comfortable, as pain free as possible, helping with their mobility, feeding them, maintaining their dignity, inventing a different way to communicate when their voice and hand control have gone, that is true love, true intimacy. Yes, I missed the sex, but I miss my partner now, more. If you can do it and mean it, have a bunch of sex. I miss that too. But first and most important, keep the respect and loyalty.

  38. MM says:

    I think this article is terrible. Why is it humorous to that some peoples sex lives are in the toilet. Sad just plain sad. Who cares if the kids are awake or asleep… if your showered or unshowered…etc… If you don’t have sex with him someone else will. That is your husband, your man, whatever… If you don’t think for one second their isn’t some sneaky whore waiting for him to walk around sex starved you are wrong. Their are plenty of women out there who prefer someone who is already “attached” and NEEDS them. If you starve him out someone else will feed him… that is just nature. God designed us to want sex and to like sex, preferably with our mate. If you find yourself not wanting sex then try something new to spice it up, go to a doctor to find out if you are hormonally imbalanced, do it anyway until you figure out what is wrong. But, don’t slam the lid on the honey pot! The space between you and your mate will grow wider and wider until you are so far apart that you can’t someone else stepping in and him stepping out.

  39. I don't think so.... says:

    Why not face the truth? The only woman that gives childish excuses is one who believes that SHE should control the relationship. She gives ZERO thought for the needs of her husband. Excuses show weakness as well as a dishonest nature. Most of you act as if the husband is just some tool to use at your discretion. He’s just an ATM….go make that money hubby. You are all fools. You want him to treat you a certain way, or touch you a certain way….but whoa…hold the boat, because if he wants anything even close to that, YOU have to present an excuse. You all act as if the husband does nothing around the house. Who takes care of the lawn? Who takes care of the cars? Who takes care of maintenance issues on the home? Who goes to work every damned day? Who does the bills? If you have a lazy bum who does nothing, NO EXCUSES, tell him what you think. But most of you idiots don’t have that. If you have a decent husband and you treat him like some kind of vibrator who is just there to pleasure you when YOU need it, guess what……make all the excuses that you want to your friends AFTER he has left your cold, lying butt for a woman who knows what a man needs and is willing to give it to him. You act as if men are cavemen, so, if you are going to treat them that way, they will act accordingly, and you are all fools if you truly believe that you can manipulate a man sexually in order to put yourself first and in control in a relationship. Want to know why the divorce rate is so high these days? Women who want to be in control and ration sex…..number one reason. But, go ahead and make excuses… need to reverse the trend now. So, who is the real dog now?

  40. I don't think so.... says:

    Oh, one other comment. TYPO….I totally understand what you are saying. It’s hard to be in a relationship where you were completely suckered in. She got what she wanted, now you are just an old trophy on a dusty shelf. She realizes that you are true to your vows, which means you are a good boy and won’t stray out of the yard. I’d say once that child is in his/her teens, break free from that prison that she has deliberately placed you in and run like hell. The child will have the right, in most states, to visit you at will without you having to go through those nasty custody battles. Usually once a child hits 14, the courts ask THEIR opinion instead of the mother/father. Look it up for your state. Start preparing for your freedom now. Women like that are ridiculous and psychotic. I’m not an expert…. this is just MY opinion. You don’t have to act on it. It’s what I would do if I were in your situation.

  41. womenareevil says:

    To Linda – only two to three times a week? Geez what a stingy woman you are. My wife and I have sex 2 to 3 times A DAY when she isn’t on her monthly. Two to three times a week… what a joke.

  42. Manbe gone says:

    Typo, I was in the same situation, I was pulling my hair out. I got out of it as fast as I could. You need to make yourself happy too you know. Don’t let yourself be miserable, it’s not worth it. Start living a longer life before you wither up and die.

  43. BT says:

    Sounds like too many excuse for sure. Maybe it’s time to trade in the old chassis.

  44. CJ says:

    Quit complaining about your loveless marriages and do something about it. Seriously! I’ve seen less bitching at a PMS fest (GNO). Guys, if you dont like what she is doing, tell her. If it cant be worked out, leave. It really is that simple. Ladies, the fact that some of you have lived 20 years with some abusive dick is NOT something you should be bragging about. You should be ashamed of yourselves! Grow a pair! Yes, I know what being abused is like. No, I didnt stick around for the next 10 years hoping he would change and believing that he hit me because he loved me. He hit me once. I brought him to his knees and left.
    Sex is a VERY important part of a relationship. Yes, hormone levels change and kids take up tons of energy, but surely once a week wont kill anyone.

  45. Tee says:

    Wow. I laughed when I read these excuses, then I read the comments. One person referenced that it’s not humorous that there are men living in sexless marriages. Just to clarify, I was laughing at the excuses, not the situation… But as a woman, I will say this – To the men: Stop with this, “what you won’t do, another woman will” please. Go and find that woman then buddy. LEAVE your wife, and find that woman. Don’t waste your time cheating like one comment said, it makes you less of a man. Tell your wife you don’t like the way things are, and if they don’t change you’re out. Be willing to deal with the consequences of divorce as well, don’t weasel into an affair to avoid alimony and/or child support because you still might end up having to pay it as well.

    Women: Don’t make excuses. If you don’t want to, don’t. You’re a grown up and shouldn’t be making excuses for anything PERIOD. But be prepared to deal with the consequences. If your man wants sex and you don’t want to participate, he can and eventually will leave so he can get it. Simple as that.

    Men need to speak up and say that the excuses on a REGULAR basis are out of hand. No one is saying you aren’t supposed to have expectations. But you need to question the excuses instead of chalking them up to something that women do to try to control men. Women are only “controlling” if you let them be. And not all women make excuses. Use your common sense and be an adult. You can tell if a woman has genuine issues or if a woman is just BSing you. I suspect a woman who uses several or all these excuses all the time is lying to you. Either way you won’t get any results by complaining that women are trying to control you with excuses to turn down sex. Fix your situation.

  46. Nursejean1107 says:

    I am an ex mistress of a married man. When I met him I ask him why he wanted to cheat. His answer, ” For every woman that turns a man off there is one right around the corner that will turn him on.”

    I gave this man what he wasn’t getting at home, as several before me had done. I was different though because he and I fell in love. When his wife found out about me she was irate. My words to her were, ” Because you wouldn’t take care of him you gave him to me and I am not giving him back.” And I didn’t.

    I am an ex mistress because we just celebrated our 20th anniversery and he has never cheated. So for all you women who say no…as some of the comments have stated, ” You are a single woman in training.”

  47. Ray says:

    Sad state. The only time my wife says no is when I ask her if she wants to stop.
    There were times she had a higher libido than I, then sometimes I did, mostly her though,
    My wife said she was cutting me off, She can’t ,
    She doesn’t know where I’m getting it.

  48. GnarlyBlue says:

    when you decide to commit to one another as a couple, there are obligations you both choose to take on, and whether you like it or not?, pleasing one another in the bedroom is one of them. if you’re not that capable, or talented, at the very least you should put in a clear, strong and noticeable effort to your partner to please them, always aiming to improve. this is after all your one and only beloved, if they’re not worth that kind of effort from you regarding this topic, then maybe the problem is that you are simply not with the right person.

  49. Mecka says:

    I understand there are busy schedules, kids, lack of energy, and lack of self esteem. I definetely understand the lack of self esteem….but….the person you are married is the person you vowed to give your all to. If you chose the right person they should deserve that…and vice versa. Men and Women both have needs, although sometimes different kinds….if they can’t have them fulfilled, 98% of the time they will stray or think about straying. Intimacy is a very important part of the relationship and both husband and wife should do whatever we can to keep each other satisfied.
    The physical connection that comes from sex is very important in any serious relationship….but it also creates a stronger bond mentally….which is also important.
    …and you know….if you put aside whatever excuse you want to give to not have sex and go with it anyway….I bet you’ll find yourself in the mood once you get started. ;)

  50. Barnabas says:

    Thank you for reminding me why I got devorced.

  51. nats says:

    Dont let no one push u into what u dont want to do, do what u think is right for you

  52. Tj says:

    Give up the butt ladies, give up the butt!

  53. Mike says:

    Real passion trumps almost all of those excuses. Either you are not in to him or you are just lame. Ladies… Get out of your own way. You made time for sex when it was new. Remember the sweaty marathon romps and the hurry up and make me cum, cuz I got work early tomorrow and I want to think about you at work. By the time you get home the woman practically rapes the man. (in a good way). Tell me… Where does that go?

  54. Bob Borders says:

    Before we were married (2nd Marriage for both), i would go to her home. one night she told me she was sick. it was a 2 hr drive one way. i said thats fine, i just want to
    see you. just before the lights went out she turned to me and said, I know you want it, i wont deny. in the morning she pulled it out in the kitchen, and asked where are we going now? to the bedroom? for one more time. i told my friend that she hurt me before we were married.
    now 7 years later close to our 7 yr marriage, she has all the excuses. 2 nights ago, i asked politely of which the reply was you know i hurt my hand. my answer was, it is a long way from your pussy. she was extremely mad the next day, although i have not once raised my voice to her in 7 yrs.
    yes, i am looking. it is not fun to have to leave the love of your life and sole mate, but when the sex is bad, the marrage is 90% bad too.
    we were high school sweet hearts and we picked up 36 yrs later after not seeing each other since H.S. like we never left. i have done quit well financially + she has not. that is the sad part. doesnt look like we will grow old together either. same problem with other wife. the other never made an effort. at least this one did in the beginning. i can say as a friend of mine said many yrs ago, about a wife he had with a huge sex drive, “at least i had her for a coulple of yrs” she used to stop him as he left for work in the morning……..should have asked for her name~!!
    Sad + disappointed but not down + out, yet. the worse of it is she doesnt know the real consequences of her actions as she will be starting out again alone and poor.

  55. Steve says:

    Sounds like a bunch of selfishness to me. Almost everything I have read so far is me, me,me, I,I,I and what about me. You need to be more giving of yourself to your partner. Not everybody “feels” like having sex all the time, but you do it for your partner not for you. Both men and women need to make an effort to meet each others needs and desires. It has taken me a few years to realize that when I am attentive to my wife’s emotional needs, she is attentive to my physical needs. Example; do something around the house that you know she hasn’t done or has been asking you to do and you haven’t yet. I would almost guarantee she will be a happy woman and do something for you in the bedroom. Women,do something nice for your man like an unexpected oral, I will almost guarantee he will show you some appreciation. Now this isn’t a 100% anything but both will be surprised by the changes in attitude in your partner. Some relationships may be really far gone and this may take time, but no relationship is too far gone until divorce.

  56. Bored says:

    These comments are so depressing. It really sucks that so many people have such sad love lives. I really hope everyone can figure out what they want in their relationships. Either work for it or move on. This misery is not worth it. Just be single, damn it. Try, and when you can’t do anymore, when you find yourself on the internet testifying about how unhappy you are, then maybe it’s time to move forward in another direction. Don’t cheat, just leave and be done with it. Best of luck to everyone struggling.

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  58. Pat McGroyne says:

    You’re not in a relationship just so you have a handy scratching post.

  59. aleechawa says:

    I ‘Just Happened upon this site’!!! What Stories I have laughed, teared-up and then just plain got Mad about! Ok I am NOT a Mother, hope that doesn’t put me out of ‘the speaking here’! “Being the Middle of 5-Girls, Men let me speak this to YOU, I have heard every excuse in all your speaking’s as well as heard my 4 Sisters actually have COUNCIL of Who would have or come up with the best EXCUSE TONIGHT! First let me speak that i’m the Black-Sheep One, always been different & I LOVE ME and My Opinions ok!? And what I am about to speak come’s from ‘Hearing, Seeing Council In Action as well as Listening! *Ladies it’s a fact & you know that when you was Dating Him, Hell itself Couldn’t keep you from making yourself ‘All Pretty & taking 3 hours to do so! You watched your weight, cared less what Show was on tonight, even if there was ONE you Liked! You put in 8 or more Hours at Work, who cares, you have ‘second wind’ Now! Your legs shaved, Butterfly trimmed, Looking Good AND You have to work tomorrow! But you don’t give a damn tonight, because you are either ‘in-heat’ or ‘will be real soon’ This IS the Man you have been wanting for Long-Time and Nothings going to get in the way!( I cut this part short.) You already have a small Child and He accepts that with Kindness, so it’s now about the time he JUST MIGHT TONIGHT “Ask You To MARRY HIM!” You smile & strut with Grace as he takes you to a fine Diner! OK, it happens, he ask you to marry & you can’t speak ‘YES’ soon or loud enough! Deal done, you both ‘Swear you Love Eachother & let’s move fast here, You all are back from HoneyMoon & who cares if it was just a long week-end at some Local Resort or 30 days in South America!? Point is, ‘BOTH HAPPY’, Yes?! This usually takes anywhere from 1 Month to ( I’ll be real & give the Longest time ) Let’s speak, ‘Half a Year! THEN, Here COMES THE EXCUSES, REASONS,WHAT THE HELL EVER’S!!!! I’m going with the ‘Order’ these excuse was written in. When YOU First hear, “Damn, can’t you see I’m watching my Show?” As My Sweet Mama would tell Each Son In Law, “make a little note in your Private-Calender, and YOU know when it’s gone too far! Don’t ever hit my Daughter but LEAVE HER SORRY ASS!” I agree with the Few-Opinions that speak, ( Don’t be cruel to the Wife or go-out on her, this just makes you look bad.) But by-damn LEAVE HER! I have ‘watched and did my own study for Years on this Subject as well as many Others. But Human Nature is the ‘Most Inpossible Animal To Predict’. *Ladies, be Honest with Yourself First. Then ONLY NATURALLY will Honesty ‘flow’ into Your Marriage! You don’t need a Lying-Excuse to NOT Make Love, when TRUTH is spoken the Higher-Percentage Rate of Husbands Show; That chances are, He will Pick- up More of Your Chores and His. Honesty Mixed With Love = ‘A Good Marriage. But Too Many Excuse Mixed With No Communication= “Oh, You and the Kids have Dinner without Me. I’ll Grab Something To Eat Since I’m Working Late, then Probable Have a Drink With The Guys, See Ya!” * Now you can watch your favorite show & chances are, as Mr. Scott put ie so well, “And No alimony either!” Thank You “Wada Nihi’ in Cherokee! ***And ME!? Hell, I’ve made so many Mistake, I am on my 4th out of 5 Bio-Book! ‘Message In The Wind; Lady In The Moon; Someone’s Child & about to finish ‘Kentucky Blue Flame’ then last of Bio is; Wild Dogs At My Door…I like this Page! aleechawa ‘ah lee cha wah’

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  61. Leep says:

    There are a long line of comments already and this probably wont get read by anyone but Women and Men need to remember when it comes to sex there is only one ‘approved’ outlet and that is your spouse. I am a man and sex is very important to me. If I don’t get it from her, I don’t get it at all. After living for 15 years listening to all these excuses I finally had to get very logical and direct with her. I will have sex in my life. I will make her requests a priority if she will make my requests a priority. Her requests take up almost all my time. My request takes up about 15-20 mins. We had quite a few knock down drag out fights over the emotions that come out, but now we are in a really good place. The last few years have been the best of our marriage because honestly I am a better human being when I am feeling that love and acceptance that only sex can provide and so im more willing to make her life better. Sex is not a top priority for her, but she is willing to make it a priority to make me happy and in turn I make her priorities mine to make her happy. It is a cycle of love and understanding that is working for us. I am often amazed at how much control women have in this area and dont use it. Make it a priority and watch ur world change.

    1. Lisa says:

      I think men should take some responsibility in why their wives start becoming disinterested. … sex is all great at first.. but then its always the one trick pony wanting to take you for a ride. yawnnnnnnn fuck learn something new and stop asking like a pathetic loser and just grab her and do it!!!

  62. JUSTSAYIN' says:

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  66. Tom says:

    When I went through marriage counseling the minister said that as far as sex went, anything was ok as long as it was agreeable to the two of us. I was hoping for oral sex and still haven’t gotten it 23 years later. In the beginning I promised to help with things around the house. I washed, dried, folded and put away clothes….I got yelled at because I didn’t fold them the way she did. I put some dishes in the dishwasher….I got yelled at because I could of arranged them differently. I have swept the floors and gotten yelled at because I didn’t mop…I vaccumed carpet and got yelled at because I didn’t move the coffee table…Even in the bedroom I was always asking her how things were to her. Could I do anything else to make it better for her. Her only response was “No, I like what you do.” The frequency of sex started dropping also. I asked her why and she said that she was tired. I had already quit doin work around the house because I’d gotten tired of getting yelled at. If she evens thinks that I’m in the mood for sex, I get a comment about a headache or how her stomach hurts. I have tested this by coming home and acting all worn out and she won’t say a word but as soon as I start acting awake and alert or say something nice to her, those comments come. I have always tried to put her feelings ahead of mine and to help her but nothing works. The other day we were having our quarterly get together when she tried something that she never has before. I asked her afterwards why she had done that. She said that she thought that it would make it better for her. I don’t have a problem with it except that I had constantly asked her what I could do and nothing. If I try to talk to her about something that I would like, she says “Oh, so I’m boring you am I?” I tried to be caring and think of her before myself. Did not work. That thing that she just started doing? I asked her where she had gotten that from and she said, “I don’t know. Everything always turns out to be my fault. So I rarely even try anymore. Everything with her is the sam way, the same position, and usually the same place at the same time. Frankly I’m bored with sex with her. What should I do? Who knows but…..I know what I am doing…

  67. kim says:

    @Tom, your wife sounds like my mom. I feel for you.

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  69. ERIN says:

    i love sex.. to the limit makes my husband give up. lol

  70. Mark says:

    This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read, there are MAYBE 5 legit excuses and the rest are just for lazy women who have gotten way to comfortable. .1.)Can it wait until after Real Housewives? No it can’t we are in the age where tv shows are repeated and its always on again, watch it another time.2.) The kids are awake. ok i’ll give you this one , but if they are winding down in there rooms for tonight , that’s what locks on doors are for 3.) we’ll wake the kids. well tell you what after where done i’ll put them back to bed IF they actually wake up. 4.) Don’t you just want to talk. If I wanted to talk we can do it after sex, or in between commercials for tv shows, or at the dinner table , or when the kid go to bed , not during possible sex times. 5.) I havnt taken a shower. simple answer , get one after. 6.) I’m so tired. Ok roll over on your belly and give me 10 mins of your time , after you’ll be more tired and get to sleep no problem. 7.) I have a headache. sex cures headaches in women, FASTER than 400mg of Ibuprofen. So if your really concerned about it JUST DO IT. 8.) I’m so fat right now. Sex burns calories, and more than likely right before bed calories, so once again if your worried that you are.. a little extra activity never hurt anyone. 9 and 10.) I’m to cold/lets just snuggle. Wait so you’ll ask me to snuggle you to get warm , but you cant do it because your to cold? Suck it up and create some real body heat because this is STUPIDITY defined.11.) I hav’nt shaved my legs. I’m sure its not the first time , and it certainly wont be the last, if we can deal with it so can you. 12.)I think you owe me an apology, Maybe you don’t know what you did wrong, but we sure do. Well then.. here’s an idea TELL US WHAT THE FUCK WE DID, DESPITE CONTRAY BELIEF WE CANNOT READ MINDS , SPEAK UP, AND STOP ACTING LIKE A 3 YEAR OLD.13.) I’m ungroomed. if we don’t care neither should you. Oh, and sure its nice if you are but we don’t care our penis’s are not going to choke on your pubic hair. 14.)Why do you think she looked at me that way? Maybe cuz she knows your going to turn me down later? or maybe its something we can talk about after we have sex, and after you get a good night sleep.15.)I have cramps . Ok you got me there , I’ll give you this 1. but there are alternative activities so AHEM suck it up. lol 16.) I just took a shower. That’s ok we can take another after we are done. I’ll even rub your shoulders while your in their. 17.)I think I’m ovulating. 1 word CONDOM. 18.)I’m PMSing. Ok so no sex, once again there are other activities. You have a hand, a mouth, if your gonna completely shut down your sex drive for 10 days a month, I wouldn’t count on getting any heavy lifting, or chores that you deligate to us because we are men for these 10 days. I am not saying every day , but 2 times during you cycle means the world to us.19.)I have to get up early tomorrow. Chances are so do we, so instead of arguing/discussing for 10 mins you give us 10-20 and have a quicky, you’ll problay sleep better anyway. 20.)seriously? Yes seriously we have shitty days to, but we didn’t piss you off (hopefully) so how about not taking out your problems on us and being reasonable. (I know sounds difficult right?) Oh and after going through them again, cramps, kids are awake, and pms are the only legit excuses the rest is bs. sorry but any man who looks at this would agree.

  71. Tess says:

    Amen! Thats me too…REALLY dunno why some women DONT like sex. I for a fact LOVE it ;)

  72. Ted says:

    My wife and I after 17 years still have sex at least 2 times a day and in the weirdest of places makes it exciting. So i dont know what all of you are complaining about. Its what you make of it. So suck it up and shut up.

  73. Andrew says:

    sigh* It’s times like this I wish I was gay. Let’s face facts Men, the majority of women are ASEXUAL..only a small tiny percent have a man’s libido and truly orgasm. Women will front a.d tolerate sex to get the “perks” that come with’s a game with no end. So what’s the lesson learned..invest and USE you Magnums, but NEVER trust a big butt and a smile :-)

  74. johnny108 says:

    Wise man say: “Woman who puts husband in dog house for long time, soon finds him in cat house.”

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