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8 Annoying Facts About Living in a Two-Story House

Two seconds after learning I was pregnant with my second child, we put our townhome up for sale. Aside from the fact that our family was growing and we needed more space, we were so totally over sharing walls with the hard-partying 20-something boys on our right who were hooking up with the 20-something girls on our left. Being sandwiched between so much Panic! At The Disco and bong water wasn’t nearly as fun as you think it might be.

If you didn’t already know, 2007 was a weird time for real estate; inventory was low and prices were sky high.

After searching high and low, being outbid at least a half dozen times, and fearing the worst (read: moving home with my parents), a miracle happened. I was finally first to see a house just listed on the market. It was lovely. It was the house. I felt it in my bones. This house that had everything I ever wanted and only one thing I didn’t: stairs. I hate stairs. But because my pregnant body told me this two-story house was where we were supposed to live, I wasn’t about to let 14 inconvenient aerobic steps stand in the way of single family home ownership. Stairs, shmairs…right?

Wrong. Stairs are a big freaking deal. They are so much more than a specific number of aerobic steps.

  • Watch your step 1 of 9
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    Friends, there are certain undeniable truths that come with living in a two-story home. Check 'em out (and watch your step).

  • FACT: Kids love stairs 2 of 9
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    There's a magnetic pull between children and their dangerous fascination with stairs that has yet to be fully explained by science. Like a moth to a flame, your child and every other child who ever steps foot inside your home will b-line it to the stairs of terror for fun and inevitable injury.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • FACT: You will ALL fall down the stairs 3 of 9
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    Maybe it won't happen in the same week, same month, same year, or even same decade, but eventually every member of your family will fall down the stairs to some capacity. Unfortunately for every two-story home dweller, it's not a question of if, but rather when. May your fall be gentle, your bones be strong, and your noggin be well-protected.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • FACT: Stairs are selfish 4 of 9
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    You run up and down those stairs a thousand times a day at record speed, and often while carrying ridiculously heavy things. Still, your ass and thighs remain as huge as they ever were. How is that even possible, stairs? HOW?!

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • FACT: You can, in fact, fall UP stairs 5 of 9
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    I know, I know, it sounds impossible, but I assure you, falling up the stairs is a very real thing. I've done like a million times. It must look awesome.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

     

     

  • FACT: It’s on the other level 6 of 9
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    No matter what you're doing, you can bet on the fact that at least one of the items you need will not reside on your present level. When you're upstairs, you'll need something downstairs. When you're downstairs, you'll need something upstairs. When you're on the stairs, each kids will need you upstairs and downstairs simultaneously.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • FACT: You will float down the stairs 7 of 9
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    Perhaps the most dangerous part of living in a two-story home is that fact that you (and your children) will become complacent about stair safety. You'll run, skip, and practically float down the stairs without your feet ever once making direct contact with the declining elevation beneath you. This is how serious injuries happen.

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • FACT: You will bribe your kids 8 of 9
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    Mama needs her slippers and guess what? They're upstairs. Daddy needs his cell phone and guess what? It's downstairs. We send our kids up and down those stairs a thousand times a day because 1) kids need exercise 2) we're lazy 3) we bribe them to do it. Win-win-win!

    Image credit: Shutterstock

  • FACT: You think about getting old 9 of 9
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    We bought our house swearing we'd die here because moving sucks so hard, but how practical will stairs really be in our golden years? Getting up those stairs is hard now, how's it going to be 40 years from now?

    Image credit: Shutterstock

 

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