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A Boy and His Balls

By Jen at PIWTPITT |

This is a story about my boy and his balls – and not the playground type – proceed with caution.

Gomer is 7, and he rarely makes a declarative statement.  My day is filled with why questions and what questions and they’re usually followed up with how come?  I try very hard to be patient and to answer his questions as best as I am able.  Sometimes I find them difficult, and sometimes I find them hysterical.

When Gomer was in Kindergarten, he started asking about his penis.  He’d known for several years that he had a penis, and he knew the basic workings of his penis.  One day he decided there must be more to the penis than just urinating.  He asked me what the penis does.  ”What does it do?” I asked casually, knowing exactly where we were headed.

“Yeah.  It just pees and that’s it?” he asked.

“Well…” I began.

He cut me off, “And what’s this?”  He was pointing at his scrotum.

“Those are your balls,” said the Hubs coming in on the conversation.

“My balls??”  Gomer looked even more confused.

Seriously, Hubs?

I’ve always tried to teach my kids the proper names for their genitals.  There’s nothing worse than a 5 year old saying “Nut sack.”

“Actually, it’s called your scrotum,” I said.

“OK.  So what does my scro….t…  What do my balls do?”  Gomer asked.

“They help a man make a baby,” I replied.

“How?”

“They have…stuff…they make…stuff…things that a woman needs to make a baby.  The scrotum has it.”  Doing great, Jen!  Not.

“Does Adolpha have balls?”  Adolpha is Gomer’s younger sister.

“No.  Only boys.  OK, time to get dressed!”  I shut him down that day and sent him to school with strict instructions not to mention scrotum or balls to his friends.

I decided I was going to need some expert help.  I’m not one to consult parenting books very often, but I was at a loss how best to explain procreation to my inquisitive, yet sensitive, 5 year old.  I fired off a quick email to my friend who also happens to be the counselor at Gomer’s school.  I told her Gomer was asking a lot of questions and I wondered if she could recommend a book or two to help me out.  She came back with a tersely worded email that basically said, “It’s inappropriate for 5 year olds to ask these kinds of questions and it’s inappropriate for you to discuss them with him.  Divert him.”

Whoa.

That sort of pissed me off and made me feel more than a little bit creepy.  So I headed out to the library on my own.  I asked the librarian for some help and she found 3 books for me.  I scanned them and found two of them basically said the same thing the counselor said.  The third one said, Answer their questions as fully and as accurately as possible and only answer what they ask – don’t elaborate.  And sometimes it’s OK to say I don’t know.

That’s the one I picked to follow.

A few weeks later, the topic arose again.  ”My balls….uh scro…tum…has stuff that makes babies?”  Gomer asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“How?”

“I’m not sure of the science that’s involved, Gomer.  It just knows when you’re ready and it does it.”  So far, so good.

“How does the stuff get out?”

“Through your penis.”

“Through my pee hole!?” he exclaimed.

“Yes.”

“When will it come out?”

“When it’s ready.  When you need it to.”

“How does it get to the mommy to make a baby?”

“Gomer.  It’s a pretty big deal to make a baby.  Are you sure you want to know?”

“Yes.”

“When a mommy and a daddy (I’m just going to assume that he will wait to have sex when he’s married – ha) are ready to have a baby the daddy puts his penis inside the mommy’s vagina -”

“ARGHHHH!  No, no, no!!  I don’t want to do that.  EVER!”  Gomer yelled.  He was crying now and really upset.

“No one said you were going to do that now, Gomer.  I told you, it’s for adults only.” I said, hugging him.

“Oh Mommy, that is horrible!  How could you let Daddy do that to you?”  No comment.

Suddenly, he sat up away from me, “Mommy, I think the only person I can do that with is Adolpha!”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Do your kids ask you about s-e-x?  How do you respond?

Be sure to read my daily rants at People I Want to Punch in the Throat where you’re sure to laugh and/or might be offended (it’s where you can find my R-rated rants).

Read more of me at Sh*t Kids Say and Am I Raising a Mini-Hoarder?

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Photo:  Maggie Smith

 

 

 

 

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About Jen at PIWTPITT

jenatpiwtpitt

Jen at PIWTPITT

Jen is a blogger and author who recently published the book Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat. She started her humorous blog, People I Want To Punch In The Throat, in April 2011. She has written for Babble, and has also been published in The Huffington Post. She resides in Kansas with her family.

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29 thoughts on “A Boy and His Balls

  1. Megan says:

    A school counselor telling you the questions/discussions about this are inappropriate just boggle my mind. Why wouldn’t they want to know what those body parts do? Especially ones with a younger sibling of the opposite sex. My son was 6(almost 7) when I got pregnant with his little sister. He asked us questions and we answered him honestly. We got him a book called “It’s So Amazing” by Robie Harris. “It’s Not the Stork” by Robie Harris is another good one aimed at younger kids. He went with us to the 20 week ultrasound and helps give his baby sister a bath(he wants to, we don’t make him). Of course he’s going to have questions about why he and dad have a penis and scrotum and mom and baby sister don’t.

  2. Oh thank God I don’t have inquisitive children! I do tend to subscribe to the “tell them, but tell them the bare minimum” philosophy. Luckily I’ve sucessfully avoided this particular conundrum thus far. Sorry I’m useless, but dying to hear good ideas other offer.

  3. Chris says:

    I agree w/ Megan & am a little disturbed that a school counselor would deter answering questions. Kids are smart if you get embarassed/ashamed about thier body parts, then they think they should be embarassed/ashamed (not that you can’t discuss appropriate vs inappropriate as young as 2 or 3: It’s not bad to be naked or ask about your penis, but it is inappropriate to do either in the grocery store line). Always answer as age appropriately as you can, but give an answer. Sometimes the answer is I don’t know, but I think I know how to find out…I remeber when my youngest was 3 (now 7 w/ older sibs 13 & 14) and he realized I didn’t have a penis (he walked in the room as I was getting out of the shower). He called for it, looked under beds, in closets, asked other people, “Have you seen Mommy’s penis? Daddy! Mommy has lost her penis! (I will not share Dad’s responce to this question-except they really don’t mature past 15) Peeeniis where are yoooou?” It took a while to convince him I was fine, that girl don’t use a penis to pee, and yes I’ve always been a girl so no I don’t even miss not having a penis. All of that was hysterical, but it was his first sex-ed lesson. He deserved answers he could understand. Those answers have gotten more sophisticated, along with his questions, just like they did for the older kids. I can’t promise I have “the” answer, but I can tell you, my teenagers (1 boy, 1 girl) both still come & ask me questions, especially when one of thier friends has emparted any “wisdom” on them. Hope that helps, or at least made you smile.

  4. staci smith says:

    My son started asking questions when he was about 5. And he is a VERY curious kid. So I was amazed that we made it through two siblings with very little questions about where they came from. It wasn’t until we were breeding birds a few years ago (he was about I guess) that he wanted to know why we needed a boy and girl bird if God makes the babies. (my answer to the hard to answer questions, because God made it that way…end questions). I asked if he really wants to know…and then it pretty much went the same as above. He put his head down, pronounced he would NEVER do that. Couldn’t believe daddy and I did that THREE TIMES! (LOL) Then he begins thinking, and asks about people who don’t want there babies and says, “oh my gosh, how do you do that by accident?????” (not realizing you don’t make a baby each time, or thats its fun…) Oh yeah, its a tough one for sure. Thanks for sharing, its nice to know I’m not the only mom who may have scarred my son for life (I joke of course). He can’t even look at the hubs and me snuggle or kiss or anything anymore.

  5. Kim says:

    Jen, I also agree with Megan and Chris. If a child is asking a question, any question, then the child deserves an honest answer. I just always answered the questions my kids had honestly. I have to laugh at the differences between our husbands though. My hubs told our son when he was 7 or 8 and asking this stuff that the penis was “the male reproductive organ.” Oh yeah, THAT’S helpful! LOL Although, I will admit my son just sort of looked at us blankly, and then ran off to play more video games. ;)

  6. Erica says:

    Chris – I love your post! I have sons who are 5 and twin 1 year olds. The 5 year old asks tons of questions, but nothing as funny as your little guy :) Haven’t figured out how to answer the question of why his penis “hurts” when it gets hard…

  7. Stacey Reynolds says:

    Oof, glad my girls are so clueless. I have dodged “the talk” to any real nitty gritty degree because their questions weren’t so specific. I have had another baby since the girls were old enough to understand the basics of childbirth, so my daughter started cluing the class in on the ins and outs of a c-section. Then another lad piped up to fill in the blanks about the other method of getting the kid out.In that case, a little diversion was necessary for the teacher. haha! Kids ask, and then you tell as much as you are comfortable with. It all comes out eventually. The guidance counselor was out of line. Different kids develop at different ages. Mine would never have thought to ask at 5, but a more curious, verbal kid is going to ask more questions. Some day the Hubs will end up having to explain blue balls. Mine had to explain it over the phone on a satellite call from Iraq. I was NOT takin that bullet, thank you!Some shit you don”t want to hear from your mom.

  8. Carolyn says:

    When my now 20 year old was 4, he was laying on the couch talking on the phone to his dad with his hand in his pants, yeah I know! I tell him “get your hands out of your pants!”. He says “but what is this, it’s so squishy?” I say “ask your dad!”. Mistake number one!!! His dad goes in this long drawn out explanation about those being his manhood and those are what makes you manly….blah, blah, blah!! I interrupt by saying “THOSE ARE YOUR TESTICLES!” There is a long silence from my son, he is frozen, thinking hard about what I said and sits up, eyes bulging out of his head in disbelief and says, ” OH MY god, they went into Miranda’s mouth and all the way down here to take out her testicles!!!!”. Nathan is mortified! I say laughing so hard, ” no honey Miranda had her TONCILES removed!”. You could see his relief!!!

  9. Janet beignet says:

    No sex questions yet, but did have to get into it a discussion when our daughter said she’s going to grow up and marry her brother.?

  10. Marie Owens says:

    Omg, the comment regarding the tonsiles had my ROTFLMAO! Hilarious! I am dreading when my son comes to me with these questions :)

  11. Becca says:

    Chris- I can totally relate! Once when getting out of the shower I was greeted by my son who was maybe 5 or 6. I quickly turned around (I figured it was better for him to see my bum for a few seconds longer than anything else) and grabbed a towel and covered up, hoping he hadn’t seen too much. I noticed him acting really sad after that and asked what was wrong… He said, “I just feel really bad for you.” After some prying I got him to open up about why… “I feel bad for you because my dad’s penis is a lot bigger than your’s.” I wanted to laugh, but I could see that he was seriously upset for me. I had to explain to him that I didn’t have one and that’s why he didn’t see it. (He thought it was so small that he couldn’t see it.)
    I agree with everyone else in regards to the counselor- I can’t believe they would tell you not to tell you to talk to your child about it! If you start open lines of communication at a young age, you have a much better chance of keeping them open throughout their lives. If they think you will “divert them” and not answer their questions or take them seriously they won’t come to you now, or later in life. Chris, I told my son the exact same thing! I told him I may not always have the answers, but I will ALWAYS listen to him.

  12. James Simons says:

    Maybe you should have listened to your friend who is educated to handle these situations especially when two of three books agreed with her. It is obvious what you wanted to do, you went and looked until you found some quack to agree with you. It would have been cheaper than the therapy your going to have to pay for if you don’t start pausing and thinking before acting. At the very least you should have passed this off to your husband. The one adult with an actual penis and “nut sack”. I assume you didn’t pass it off because you knew he wouldn’t handle it like you wanted it handled. I usually like your stuff, but here you were as far wrong as you could have been. If you don’t want to know what the professionals have to say don’t ask!

  13. Jim says:

    Maybe you should have listened to your friend who is educated to handle these situations especially when two of three books agreed with her. It is obvious what you wanted to do, you went and looked until you found some quack to agree with you. It would have been cheaper than the therapy your going to have to pay for if you don’t start pausing and thinking before acting. At the very least you should have passed this off to your husband. The one adult with an actual penis and “nut sack”. I assume you didn’t pass it off because you knew he wouldn’t handle it like you wanted it handled. I usually like your stuff, but here you were as far wrong as you could have been. If you don’t want to know what the professionals have to say don’t ask!

  14. Becca says:

    When I was pregnant and found out I was having a boy, a friend of mine who has two grown sons told me something I will never forget. She said raising boys is a wonderful experience, but from the moment they discover their penis they never let go of it for the rest of their lives! I remember my son finding his and anytime I took his diaper off his hands flew down to make sure it was still there. One of my favorite pictures of him- he was about 2 years old laying on the couch with one hand down his diaper and the other hand on the remote control. He’s 7 now and he’s still quite fond of it!

  15. Jim says:

    Maybe you should have listened to your friend, the professional? It is obvious what you wanted to do, you just went and looked until you found some quack to agree with you or you read it out of context. It would have been cheaper than the therapy you will have to pay for I you don’t start thinking before acting. At the very least you should have passed it off to your husband, the one with the actual penis and “Nut Sack”. I gather from your writing that you knew he wouldn’t handle it like you wanted it handled so you kept it to yourself, the one without the “Nut Sack”. That is unless you have taken ownership of your husbands?

  16. Alicia says:

    OMG! I used that same phrase about what a daddy does with his penis when my son (now 10) was 8 – verbatim! He too was mortified at the notion (still is after his first school sponsored sex ed class!) that any male would consider doing that. He didn’t make the connection right away that his dad and I had sex to create him…it came a few minutes later as we were crossing the street…he stopped dead and shouted, “OH. MY. GOD! Does that mean you did that with Dad?!?!”. I definitely needed a drink after that one!

  17. Jim says:

    I was just reading some of the replys and am boggled. Since most of you are of the age of my sons I have to say, “Are you fning kidding me. Have you seen how screwed up this country is? This comes from parents deciding to tell 5 year olds everything, no matter how disgusting it will be to them. You are the ones that say we don’t keep score because there are no losers, yes there are losers! They are you children who grow up thinking they are the center of the universe. In life people win and people lose. Your job is to equip them to be the winners not the first in their class to know you can put your penis in a girls vigina. Trust me they will find out soon enough and you will be scared to death because you will know what your 13 or 14 year old is doing. I am so glad I won’t be around when these kids start running the country, providing there parents haven’t put it in such a state that we are now speaking Japanese. Go ahead and blast this post, I would be very surprised if you didn’t because just like my generation, no one can tell you anything that you will actually think abou because you already know everything worth knowing.

  18. James says:

    I was just reading some of the replys and am boggled. Since most of you are of the age of my sons I have to say, “Are you fning kidding me. Have you seen how screwed up this country is? This comes from parents deciding to tell 5 year olds everything, no matter how disgusting it will be to them. You are the ones that say we don’t keep score because there are no losers, yes there are losers! They are you children who grow up thinking they are the center of the universe. In life people win and people lose. Your job is to equip them to be the winners not the first in their class to know you can put your penis in a girls vigina. Trust me they will find out soon enough and you will be scared to death because you will know what your 13 or 14 year old is doing. I am so glad I won’t be around when these kids start running the country, providing there parents haven’t put it in such a state that we are now speaking Japanese. Go ahead and blast this post, I would be very surprised if you didn’t because just like my generation, no one can tell you anything that you will actually think abou because you already know everything worth knowing.

  19. Sara says:

    I found this hilarious! my son always seems to ask questions about his scrotum when his father’s at work. When he was 3 he asked me Boy: “When are my wiener beans (his words, not mine) were going to hatch and make baby wieners?” Me: Honey that’s not what they’re there for. You only get 1 penis, so you should be kind to it.” Boy: “That’s not fair.” Me:” that’s just how it is lil buddy.” 3 minutes pass…Boy:”Check it out! I can make my wiener an innie!” Me: ” Boy, I don’t know if you’re supposed to do that, but I”m pretty sure that’s not treating it kindly!” Containing the laughter that evening was next to impossible!
    As for bashing this blog, I say keep on keeping on! Jen you are awesome. Not afraid to say what needs to be said! Right ON! If you don’t tell the boy what it is until 13/14 in this day and age you’ll end up raising your 12y/o’s baby. Kids should not be kept away from the facts of their body. Studies show that children that are not taught about thier bodies, and that their bodies are normal, grow up with relationship issues. I don’t want that for MY children.

  20. Cyndi says:

    James/Jim/Whoever you are – seriously, do you not have anything better to do with your time? You are talking a load of crap.

    Now. On with what I actually wanted to say.

    I’ve been a nanny the last 5 years, and one of my favorite things to do is palm off questions like this to the parents.

    That said, I think that everything should be answered age appropriately, and that the Counsellor was out of line to tell you not to talk about it!

  21. Lilian says:

    @ Jim & James – You are obviously a spammer/troll because you are posting the EXACT same thing mins apart. This is nothing to do with generations or even sex! Its about not lying to your kids. If left to her husband (like mine) her kid would probably be walking around making inappropriate comments and gestures at women. Men (most) DO NOT handle this types of things well. Kids are curious. They ask questions. Yes, its easier to re-direct or lie etc. Some people don’t want to lie to their kids, only having them to find out the truth from another source and think they can’t trust their parents on this topic.

  22. Mary says:

    I don’t think it’s inappropriate for a 5 year old to ask how his body works. Adults seem to be the ones with all the hang-ups with explaining things in an age-appropriate manner. I have 3 kids, a bit older than Jenn’s kids. All of them have asked these types of questions and I have been honest but vague at times. If they start to ask questions that have answers I don’t think they are quite ready to process I tell them “Its complicated”. And that goes for questions beyond sex. Ha! I also tell them that its a private conversation not to be shared on the playground. They are to let their friends’ parents talk to them about these topics. Unfortunately some parents never do…

  23. Annie says:

    I am a school counselor. I cannnot believe that your friend said it was inappropriate to talk about this. I think you handled it perfectly. Gomer asked the questions and you told him what he wanted to know. Most kids stay pretty basic and wouldn’t want all of the information that he did, but some kids are just more curious. I think it is important to be honest and not attach shame to body parts and sex by making them inappropriate. Kids just need to know that private parts are private and the boundaries in place about them. They also need to know that their parents are the ones they can and should talk to about sex. Where else should they get their information?

  24. Amy says:

    My two kids noticed that they had different sets of equipment a couple of years ago and I have been fielding questions with increasing frequency ever since.

    Recently (in 2012), we watched some great documentaries, particularly the Nova “Miracle of Life” videos. (I recommend the more recent one it’s been updated a bit). My kids are the same age as yours (5 & 7) and they loved it. My daughter (7) is the one all interested and asking questions right now, but I field queries from both of them about their bodies. We also discuss animal procreation as well. We have seen lots of lizards and pigeons “making babies” up close and personal, and our guppies have given birth as well, so the mechanics have been deftly illustrated by Nature already. The guppies spawned LOTS of questions…

    My approach has been to answer the question asked and don’t elaborate, unless another question is asked, etc. Well…once they understand you’re going to keep answering their questions, they KEEP ASKING, so … we have managed to cover a great deal of sex-ed territory in the last year already with that approach. I wasn’t thinking that we would be covering this material *quite* this young, but I believe that evading the questions is only going to make the topic a bigger deal than it needs to be.

    My parents both grew up on working farms where animal husbandry was a fact of life. They weren’t scarred by it, but rather have a pretty balanced approach to sex as something natural. So, with that in mind, my general attitude has been along these lines (through LOTS of talks over the past few months):
    - making babies is a natural process for all creatures and is no big deal.
    - different creatures have different approaches to making babies, but we all share an amazing number of similarities too. It’s cool & fun to sort through which is which.
    - it is something that *your* body isn’t ready to do yet. You are too young to make babies.
    - You will know your body is getting old enough to make babies when the idea doesn’t sound so gross to you any more. If it never stops sounding gross to you, that’s ok too. (They are very relieved to hear that one lol! My daughter wants to adopt her future babies right now and I’m fine with that!)
    - humans have a choice whether or not to make babies, unlike many animals. When you are an adult, if you don’t want to make babies, you don’t have to.
    - humans, like dolphins, have a social “couples” aspect to “making babies” that mommies & daddies enjoy without actually making a baby. With the right person, it feels good and doesn’t seem so yucky. And that is natural too. It’s no big deal.
    - we have also had to have a couple of discussions about privacy and what is appropriate behavior around others, how humans (unlike animals) keep those body parts covered around anyone who is not Mommy, Daddy, brother or sister and it is never ok for anyone (besides at the doctor’s office) to ask to see or touch those places on you or to show you or ask you to touch their private places (i.e. anything that is normally covered with underwear)

    There remains a current fascination with this whole “making babies” thing, however, with loud announcements being made whenever such activity is spotted in the animal kingdom around us. (The pigeons were the highlight of a recent visit to the beach.) So I got a couple more documentaries “In the Womb: Animals” and “In the Womb: Cats and Dogs”. Both documentaries discussed genitals, mating, conception, sperm, ova, gestation, fetal development and birth with LOADS of visuals and some excellent CG video to the delight of my children. They love how sperm all look like crazy tadpoles. My son was interested in how elephant penises looked and subsequently checked himself out, lol! My daughter had all her questions answered as to where dolphins kept their penises. We all learned stuff we didn’t know before.

    I walked in to my daughter’s room the other night for bedtime and all the stuffed animals were paired up and “making babies”. Yes, all the stuffed animals were mounted “doggie style.” *sigh*

  25. James says:

    @Lilian no I’m not a spammer or triller. I didn think the pos was going through so I changed name and email address trying to get I t post. This is the only blog I read and I don even know what a spammer is or ho the do it. Do you guys also tell you 5 year olds there is no Santa Clause, or Easter Bunny. I sure hope not. That is such a wonderful (LIE) we tell our children. That is what they need to be exploring. common guys it is really that rare sense we call common sense. Yo can’t really think this is healthy!

  26. James says:

    @Lilian no I’m not a spammer or triller. I didn think the pos was going through so I changed name and email address trying to get I t post. This is the only blog I read and I don even know what a spammer is or ho the do it. Do you guys also tell you 5 year olds there is no Santa Clause, or Easter Bunny. I sure hope not. That is such a wonderful (LIE) we tell our children. That is what they need to be exploring. common guys it is really that rare sense we call common sense. Yo can’t really think this is healthy!

    And Cyndi, are you saying since I don’t believe as you do that I must not have anything else worth doing? To answer your question, no I don’t have much else to do. I was put on medical disability in 2009 and can’t work anymore. Jen, is the only blog I read. Most of the time I agree with her, sometimes I don’t. I feel bad that you don’t think I’m allowed on here just because you don’t agree with me. Are you on of those that will only have friends if they agree with you

  27. MaebyFunke says:

    @Jim- Yes, kids WILL figure things out eventually, but I’d rather my kids didn’t learn the ins and outs (no pun intended) from other kids on the playground. I had a wonderful mom who believed that curious kids deserve to have their questions answered truthfully and matter of factly, and she wanted to make sure we weren’t ashamed of our bodies or our sexuality. She gave us clear, short answers, that we could understand, and told us that she would explain further as we got older, which she did. I’m very glad she did this because when I did hear things from other kids, I already had the correct information. My mom gave me the knowledge I needed to make good choices about sex, and I intend to do the same for my kids. And just for the record, because she was open and honest about everything else, I believed her when she said that I wouldn’t be emotionally ready for sex until I was an adult. I didn’t have to endure the heartbreak that many of my friends did, having sex way before they were ready to deal with the consequences. I now have a happy marriage with satisfying intimacy, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence. You simply can’t expect teenagers with raging hormones to have the ability to make good choices if you haven’t given them a solid foundation as kids.

  28. Jenn says:

    I don’t tell my son that Santa etc. is real. We don’t lie to him, and he doesn’t lie to us. He knows we respect him enough to be honest and extends the same courtesy to us.

    I can’t believe you actually used the phrase “wonderful lie.” If you’re not a troll, you’re clearly batsh*t crazy.

  29. Amanda says:

    Our dog was recently neutered, and that has led to all kinds of questions from my 5 year old son! He was actually ok with the being told that we had the dog’s testicles removed so that he couldn’t help make puppies, because there are already plenty of puppies in the world. I guess that got him thinking, though, because a few nights later, he asked how the baby gets out of the mommy. I was a little taken aback, because I didn’t expect the questions to come so soon, but I’d vowed to tell him the truth and use proper terms. I told him the baby comes through a “special opening” on the mommy. Where? It’s down pretty low. Like at her hiney? Yes. SHE POOPS IT OUT? No! It’s kind of in between where she poops and where she pees. The whole time I’m thinking WHY CAN’T I SAY VAGINA? WHAT HAPPENED TO PROPER TERMINOLOGY??? I truly don’t know what’s up with that. Anyway, the conversation came to an abrupt stop when he asked, “Will you show me yours?” Told him no way. He’d seen it once at birth and that was enough.

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