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All Moms Have it Hard. Does it Matter Who Has it Hardest?

By Lori Garcia |

I’m not trying to be insensitive here, but all moms have it hard. Motherhood is an all-encompassing, life-altering experience we’ve all chosen to be a part of.

Sure, we didn’t know how hard it was going to be, but we also didn’t know just how amazing it was going to be either.

Mothers parent in a variety of circumstances. I know moms in bad marriages, moms in good marriages, moms with multiples, single moms, moms who work, moms with health issues, and moms with special needs kids. At the end of the day I have to ask myself, does it really matter who has it hardest?

Are we here to keep score and crown a queen of maternal misery? I didn’t think so. Even the mom who has it the hardest isn’t in need of a crown, she’s in need of support — your support and mine. And not because we feel sorry for her, but because we recognize her unwavering dedication to her children spite of her circumstances.

If there’s one thing I know it’s this: thinking a mother, any mother has it easy is faulted. Every mother carries burdens, challenges, and fears. Yes, even the mother with the nanny.

Imagine a world, scratch that, a cul-de-sac where we stopped judging and started supporting. A cul-de-sac where we shared our joys and hard-earned wisdom instead of judging the mom three doors down for hiring a cleaning lady. It’s sad to think that for women who share the collective goal of raising amazing kids, we often fail to lead as examples of support for one another.

No matter how great the challenge of any particular mom, support is always the answer. Bring over dinner just because. Offer to pick up her child so she won’t have to wake her baby. Make a simple phone call to check in. Bring wine. Small efforts yield big results and big results bring about a happier and more supportive motherhood experience for all.

I’m making a conscious effort to recognize my own feelings of jealousy, resentment, and yes, even sympathy when it comes to my fellow mothers. If we’re all in this together, it’s high time we started acting like it and I’m starting with me.

How do you support your fellow mother? Offer your suggestions below; let’s be the change!

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The Mommy Friend Commandments

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About Lori Garcia


Lori Garcia

Lori Garcia is a writer and mother of two living and loving in Southern California. When she's not fussing with her bangs, you can find her shaking her groove thing on her personal blog, Mommyfriend where she almost never combines true tales of motherhood and mayhem with her degree in child development. Read bio and latest posts → Read Lori's latest posts →

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3 thoughts on “All Moms Have it Hard. Does it Matter Who Has it Hardest?

  1. dadcamp says:

    *cough* Dads *cough*

  2. Ladera Mom says:

    AMEN!! I’m so sick of the ‘Mommy Wars’!!

  3. Jamie~Gramma says:

    I absolutely agree with you 100%. If I would have had just one family member, friend, or support from a trusted neighbor some days…I think me and my kids would have been happier during stressful times. I certainly try as a mother/gramma to give support (be it giving the parents a needed nap, or helping financially). We need more women to realizing that we really do need to stick together, not in a sexist way, but just because we understand how it is to be a mother going through tough times. And I applaud those fathers who step up to the plate and help. I didn’t have that, and yes, was terribly jealous of those perfect families. But it made me a stronger woman. A better mother, and a friend to my kids once they were grown.

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