I suppose, if we’re going to be technical, that my baby making days were over on August 28, 2010, the day I gave birth to my last baby. But, really, even though I knew he was probably my last, I didn’t bother to do anything about it for a while.
I’m perfectly happy with my three boys. They keep me busy, they make me laugh, they fill me up, and, yes, they infuriate and exhaust me on a regular basis. I wouldn’t trade them for anything.
I don’t feel incomplete or as if I’m missing anything by not having another baby, but in the past almost two years that hasn’t stopped me from daydreaming about having just one more.
For the most part, I like being pregnant. I love the excitement of finding out what the baby’s sex is, I love the anticipation meeting the baby for the first time, I actually enjoy being in labor (thanks to my staunch pro-epidural stance) and giving birth, and I love, love, love cuddling with a newborn baby. There’s nothing quite like it. The thought of never doing any of those things again makes me really sad.
But I also love the idea of being done with diapers, and of never having to pack a diaper bag again. I like that soon, we’ll be able to go out with friends and I won’t spend 75% of my time chasing after a toddler. Two of my three kids are completely capable of bathing and dressing themselves. I only have one child to buckle into a car seat and, in 10 – 15 years, we’ll only have to pay for 3 college educations.
The benefits won out over my emotional want for another baby, and today I got a 10-year IUD. I am currently both relieved and sad. The hardest part of the IUD insertion wasn’t the crampy, pinchy feeling, but afterwards, when she used the ultrasound machine to check its placement. I am used to seeing embryos and squishy baby faces on the screen, and the reality that I would never again have an ultrasound and get to see a baby made me really sad.
I know an IUD isn’t a permanent solution, or 100% effective (just ask my mother-in-law) but, aside from my husband getting a vasectomy, it’s the most permanent solution we’re going to get. I’m 99% confident in my decision. But that other 1% is going to have a good cry and a big glass of wine tonight.
And when I need a little extra reassurance, I’m going to read Mommyfriend’s post 9 Things I’m So Glad I Don’t Have to Do for My Kids Anymore.
Photo Credit: MeghanGWine
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