How I Came to Hate the PTA: “I Wish I Could Quit You,” on Babble.com
How I came to hate the PTA
“Emma likes to collage! Why can’t she just join the older kids when they’re doing it?” Aggro Mom was dominating the PTA meeting. Again. It was not unexpected. At the last meeting, she typed her monthly tirade into the minutes.
I probably wouldn’t have cared but I was on edge from yet another conversation about the logistics of art class. Euro Mom felt she needed to vocalize her disagreement with the long-held philosophy of shared school supplies. She wanted little Sophia to have her own soybean crayons.
As PTA president, I was supposed to be gung-ho for these kinds of discussions, but instead I looked around the room and seriously reconsidered home schooling.
Our son’s foray into preschool started out great. It was less expensive than a babysitter, and we were pleasantly surprised that the school had more on its agenda than changing diapers. In just the first few weeks, he learned some wicked dance moves and, amazingly, how to follow directions. We were delighted.
Other parents had much higher expectations: specifically, they wanted flexible hours on demand, organic snacks, and intensive art education. And it is they who have made me want to resign my post and never put my name on another sign-up sheet.
To be fair: for the most part, my preschool PTA is filled with people giddy about the fact that their tiny children require an association at all. We fidget in too-small chairs while we hear the teachers’ reports on our children’s strengths and challenges.
When I was asked to be PTA president, I took the call to service seriously. My mother and grandmother were teachers, and I shared their disregard for parents who didn’t get involved. Back in high school, I was class president, student council president, band president, 4-H president – any available elected office was on my radar. I was about change before it was cool.
Who would have thought a leadership role that entails making sure there are pull-ups and wipes in every cubby would disillusion me?
Here is a short list of the grievances that have come across my desk: the phase-in process is too long, or too short. There isn’t enough stroller parking. The full-time school should really be part-time. Then there’s my personal favorite: the yearly fundraiser “exploits our children.” And don’t even get me started on the “baby wearing vs. the rest of them” brawls. Is this what I have to look forward to for the next eighteen years?
It’s hard, but I don’t see an alternative yet. My overdeveloped sense of duty and thirst for all news of my son and his friends keep me from throwing in the towel. And the dread I feel on meeting night is tempered by the reports we get from the teachers letting us know who is potty-trained and who has learned to eat with chopsticks.
If I don’t show up, I’ll never find out what new and exciting things my kids are learning. And if I sit in the back, I risk letting crazy, collage-obsessed people take over. For now at least, I’ll continue to be the beleaguered mom at the wheel.
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I’ve been a PTA President and it can be a nightmare — but I was at the elementary school level, where it’s a whole different ball game. But I had to add a comment here because I DO believe that the fundraisers exploit the children. They should be doing school stuff, not hawking crap which some corporation gets 50% of (at best) and your school only gets the other half. Fundraisers, for the most part, suck — especially the corporate run ones.
wait. pre-school PTA? really? a pre-school needs a PTA? i mean, i understand that a pre-school might ask for volunteers or maybe some extra funding from time-to-time. but an actual association? really? hmmm… who knew?
yes, this is actually what you have to look forward to for the next 12+ years. I grew up in the private school system and my parents quickly made a rule to only go to education-based nights and avoid all info and meet-and-greet sessions that weren’t directly related to education. Even only attending these meetings they still came back complaining about the INANE questions that the other parents felt they needed to ask. Wait until your kids hit high school when there are moms who had to throw fits about how much partying is going and what everyone else can do to control their kids when it is their kid who is wasted all weekend.
Wow. That sounds annoying as shit. Personal crayons? So the kid won’t learn how to share? Organic everything? Fundraisers ‘exploit’ kids? And to think of how many bake sale brownies I’ve bought…for shame. It’s a pity you can’t just pipe them down with, “Look, that’d be great and all, but we do have a school budget, so if your little Ruttiger really needs their own drawing utensils, buy them your own fucking self”. Or maybe that’s just me. The worst bit is, those aren’t even really legitimate complaints. What about schools that have subpar teachers, lack updated textbooks, and have appalling rates of in-school violence? That’s something to get irate over.
I’m on the board at my kids’ preschool and it isn’t anything like this. It’s parents who understand that in order to keep the preschool affordable, we ourselves need to do a lot of work. Sure, stupid things come up and there’s always one mom (and it’s always a mom) in any group of parents who wants everything to be organic, but for the most part people are trying to work together to create a fun, educational experience.One thing that’s different about preschool vs. grade school is that you CHOOSE your preschool. I have to wonder why you’ve chosen to be a part of such a disagreeable community, let alone be the leader of it. If you choose to take a leadership role, then don’t you have some responsibility for how the community behaves? As President, can’t you institute some rules for meetings that demand basic respect for other parents’ opinions and points of view? Can’t you at least start the community down the road to behaving like a community?
My kids are in private school, so I get a bunch of papers saying what they did, what they are going to do, and how they are going to do it….and pretty much “make your check out to:”.There are parent groups, but I don’t deal with them.Tell me when my kid is misbehaving or when they are excelling. I don’t care about the other stuff.and no offense to SAHMs, but with the ones at my children’s schools, they seem to have TOO MUCH TIME on their hands (no pun intended). They are new wave, and everything is going to hurt the kids and oh my gosh what about this and what about that.I almost got bum-rushed by one yesterday when picking the kids (Denim-4 in particular) up from school. She wants to organize a carpool where there is a playdate after school.I don’t want my kids in a bunch of different cars, and if you want to set up a playdate, then set up one. but don’t try to force people to play together so you can make new friends, lady!and fundraisers? If my child is going to hawk something, they’re gonna get 100% profit. i guess that’s just the business woman in me.
I am sitting here laughing and agreeing to every one of the above posts! We have attended two private schools and I am ready to jump ship next year because of all the problems associated with school politics, umbrella parents, close minded school staff, etc. etc. Life is way too short to put up with this and subject my children to years of problems. It was never like this while I was growing up, far too much input from parents who, like the Mom above said, have way too much time on their hands!
i love this article! can completely relate to it. and, yes, i do choose my pre-school too but there aren’t many to choose from so i have to stick with mine. but, i am constantly in awe of parents, mostly moms, who are soo hard core about what their TWO YEAR OLD must learn, should learn, etc. etc. and, i too, have realized that it’s really hard to get parents to work together for the common goal.. it’s sad, actually. people are so hung up on their child being the best or having the best that all the really good stuff is lost somewhere in the middle. oh well.. juanita.. i hope your parents can grow up and realize the value in a good community and start there and not be as concerned about a soybean crayon b/c really, are they any better??
Wow that’s amazing but totally believable for me. My son’s preschool parent committee was just evil. The parents intentionally made foolish decisions that resulted in kids getting injured and the school going broke and closing. But take heart: our local public school district, for all its issues, is so much better. My 10 year old’s elementary school PTA is nothing whatsoever like that. The meetings are productive and informative. Parents’ grievances are NOT addressed at meetings — I think they’re handled by teachers and the principal, maybe by the district admin. if it gets that bad. For all the problems our public education system is having, I have to say my local school is absolutely wonderful.
It’s amazing what agendas we are privy to when we innocently try to become involved with our own kids. Now I fear my own PTA when we start in the fall. Oh well.
That sounds like quite a “unique” preschool you have there. I thought since preschools are privately owned it’s up to the owner to decide what goes on there. We interviewed preschools, chose one we liked, and then just drop the kids off. If you don’t like it, take them out.
And they allow kids in diapers? I don’t know any that do here.
You could be on the other end of the spectrum of no parents involved. I was the president of my daughter’s elementary school for a few years. Last year we had moved to a new district and while I considered getting an out of district waiver to keep my younger daughter in the same school in the end I decided it was best for all of us to be in district. I joined the PTA at my new school, but took a much more laid back roll. I had to with 3 kids in 3 different schools though. I couldn’t step up like I had. But you know what I was burnt out from my experience as PTA president because it was me and my officers doing EVERYTHING. Meetings were me and my officers and a couple of teachers usually. That was it. But then the uninvolved parents were the first to complain that there wasn’t enough going on. Well, there were only 4 of us who also had our own families to take care of. It was great to be in the school and know my kids teachers, but I knew I could do that still without being the PTA president. I was room mom at my middle daughters school this year. My oldest started middle school and my younger one was in preschool. I went to special events for each of them when I could and it was nice to not have to deal with the stress of being a leader.
i have 1 child in elementry last year i tryd to be part of the pta and of course i live in a very small town that i’m not origanaly from so they don’t know me and in turn didn’t let me be apart of the group of parents that get to do anything instead i ask alot of questions about whet thing r going to happen and have missed alot like award cerimonys simply because someone who didn’t know me didn’t like me. by the end of the year i was there almost all day every day
I used to love the PTA but then we got this crazy mom who basically took over every single thing that I tried to organize. It was terrible. I love being involved but I definitely agree that some of those ladies need to have a perspective check!
I don’t think they exploit the kids exactly, but I hate fundraisers. I simply do not like pressuring my friends and family to buy things they don’t want like overpriced chocolate and wrapping paper. I usually just write a check and leave it at that (I figure if I write a $20 check that’s probably worth $40 worth of purchases) but I really dislike the whole routine.
I quit PTA this year after three years on the board precisely because of these issues. I can be involved with my children’s school without being in my own adult “Mean Girls”, thank you.
Send your kid to the south bronx, we don’t have any parents willing to be on a PTA.
Having been a PTA president on and off since my 17 year old was in Kindergarden, I can say that PTA is what you make it to be. As president, you MUST control the meeting and stick to the agenda. Yes this means cutting people off and getting them back on track, but it is the only way to keep the order…just my 2 cents..