My Kids and My Birthday Suit — The Two Don't Mix
I vaguely remember hearing, at some point in my life, that it’s inappropriate for children over the age of two to see their parent of the opposite sex naked. At that point in my pre-kid life, I filed that little nugget of information away for future use.
And then, after having kids, I realized that that was COMPLETELY insane.
Every parent knows that sometimes it is significantly easier to take a child into the shower with you than it is to get them into a bathtub. Add to that multiple children who seem to attract dirt, and you can almost guarantee that children will be well past the age of two before the decision is made that it is finally time to end parent/child bath time. And that’s not even taking into account kids who insist on disrupting your showers, or being in the bathroom when you’re using the bathroom.
I’m not entirely sure when it happened, but my two older kids are essentially banned from seeing me naked. At 6 1/2 and 4, they have reached the point where they notice the differences between their bodies and mine, like to point them out, and are full of questions. Questions that catch me off-guard and leave me stumbling to find an appropriate reply. It is uncomfortable. Add to that my fear that they will somehow remember seeing me naked, and you can guarantee that I will lock the bathroom door behind me. Every time. The last thing I want is for my 25-year-old son to have a grainy memory of his naked mother.
My 6 1/2 year old has reached a point in his life where he wants privacy. He doesn’t want anyone to be around when he’s in the bathroom and he doesn’t want anyone to see him without underwear on. The few times that he has seen me naked recently (upon barging into the bathroom), he’s turned bright red and and developed “the look.” A cross between curiosity and embarrassment, I think it makes us both feel a little awkward.
Now, I fully admit that when it comes to nudity, I am a bit of a prude. I didn’t grow up in a household where I saw my parents in the buff, and (although I don’t see anything wrong with it), nudist colonies, especially family friendly nudist colonies, totally baffle me. It is beyond my scope of understanding.
But I wonder how other families handle this? Would it be different if I had a daughter? Does your family have a different “policy” on nudity?
For another take on this topic, check out Amber’s article questioning when kids need privacy from siblings of the opposite sex.
Photo Credit: Flickr
great question ! hope some more wise mommies than I have some answers for you, so I can look to their advice for the future (because at 5 months old, we’re still totally in that golden not-worrying-about-it stage now!)
My DAUGHTER is already a weirdo when she sees me naked (pointing! grabbing! pushing!) so she is no longer seeing my husband naked. Because…no.
In our house, my SAHD husband bathed with our first child until she was about 2 (I think – it was when she started to giggle if she saw him) then he’d wear a bathing suit if she bathed with him. Yes, it’s strange but that’s what he did for his comfort more than hers.
With our girl/girl twins, they bathe together still at 3 it’s just easier. All 3 girls see me naked on a daily basis – they just barge in wherever I am so it’s hopeless to try to hide. I do explain that I need privacy and usher them out though now that they are older. They always respect my husband’s privacy. Even when he’s taken them into mens’ rooms he has them face the stall door and look at the floor as they are walking in/out.
They are in awe (my oldest is 7) of the female figure. They ask lots of questions, sometimes in really embarrassing public places, but they aren’t embarrassed at all. But, they all like their privacy when in the bathroom. We’ve been very open about our bodies, we talk about the different body parts and their function/purpose all equally. There is no shame in breasts, vaginas or penises any more than there is with arms or legs. We do teach privacy, appropriate and inappropriate coverage, touching etc. That’s just basic.
I do think it’s different for parents in view of the opposite sex child. When the kid gets embarrassed or wants privacy, that is when it is time to change behaviors.
I think it’s time to stop whenever someone is uncomfortable, either parent or child. I will let my 6 year old boy see me in underwear but not naked, my girls are younger and I’m not so picky with them yet! However, I do bathe all three together, for my own sanity and time saving. I do think it’s about time for my boy to shower alone, but he and his sisters don’t care, and it’s just so easy to plop three in the tub.
my boys are 3 and 1. for some reason topless is fine for me, but i usually always need underwear on
My 7 year old boy still sees me topless and also naked through the foggy shower glass. I don’t know how to prevent it since it’s usually just the two of us home alone. I don’t feel comfortable locking him out of the bathroom in case he needs me. He has little modesty himself and doesn’t seem phased by my nudity. I try to put underwear on quickly after showering, to prevent questions. And now with a newborn, I’m constantly breastfeeding. At a size 40F, it’s difficult to cover at all times. he seems very natural about it. I told him that’s what women have boobs for. Hope I don’t warp his image of what breasts should look like, lol.
My daughter is five and still showers with me. However, she has never once seen my husband naked, even as a baby. He is way too uncomfortable with that. I don’t know how I would be with a boy, I believe I would feel uncomfortable once differences were noted, and I agree that I would be mortified if he remembered it when he was older.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be uncomfortable with nudity around my daughter. Of course I’ll be glad to give her privacy if she requests it, but as of now she barges into the shower un-invited. I changed in the same room with my mom even after I was in my twenties. I think it was very good for my self image. She and I are built the same way, and by seeing that I was more able to accept my odd shape (I believe I’ve seen it described as “amazon”. My thighs are huge, much bigger around than my butt. It is IMPOSSIBLE to buy jeans that fit me). I want to portray confidence to my daughter as my mother did to me.