Bummer. Joe went AWOL. I am sad, mad, confused, angry, but prevailing as usual. Something wonderful about dating as a single mom is that, if you’re like me, you remain in awesome single mom mode. You find private ways to feel sh*tty, feel your feelings and move on, because you have no other choice. There’s a tiny human that needs you. You pack the school lunch, tie the grubby shoelaces, play blocks, go on seashell hunts and read books to your kiddo. You work and don’t take personal days to mourn. Nothing has changed, even though everything has changed. Joe filled a void in my life for a short period of time — approximately 3 months. After the jump, I shall examine more …
Joe was hot.
Joe was charrrrrrrr-ming.
Joe always smelled good.
Joe had strong, sexy arms.
I felt a connection to Joe. I wanted to help him, take care of him and be there for him (This is the mom in me. I like to help and feed people.).
Joe paid immediate, intense attention to me and this was a very strange feeling that I clung to for the first time in five, long years, because it felt overwhelmingly … awesome. It made me hopeful again. He proclaimed poetic feelings over Facebook (I wasn’t even on FB when I was with JD’s dad, so I’m assuming this is normal dating behavior for the times?)
Joe sexted and texted me frequently (I laughed at my desk at work and forwarded messages to my work wife, Jenny from the block). This was fun and out of the ordinary. This is why I liked Joe so much. He spiced up my life. He made things less routine.
[Shy readers look away!] Joe came over after JD went to bed and provided company, wine and everything else your dirty minds are imagining (oh yes). This was the best part of Joe: another warm body and live adult conversation. My nights were no longer lonely after JD went to bed. I didn’t have to distract myself with work, emails, and folding laundry to avoid the empty feeling. When you lack this human connection for a long time, then finally get it, it comes on 1000x stronger and it feels like Christmas morning when you’re 5. I should have realized this going in, but I was blinded by his hotness and Latin lover appeal.
Joe met JD and I feel dumb about this now (damnit!). Luckily, JD doesn’t appear to have a memory of him because he doesn’t ask about him. (JD is currently obsessed with attaining a pet squirrel and some sort of case for him to live in.) They had 3 interactions. They were short. JD caught us watching TV one night, but he never saw affection between us (Thank God!). I didn’t allow Joe to get close to JD and I even distracted JD with homework and our normal routine when Joe was over. I did admittedly melt when Joe helped JD somewhat assemble his train table (no one assembles better than Uncle Bri). I took paparazzi pics with my iPhone incognito — sometimes I want to delete them. Sometimes I want to look at them and cry. Sometimes I do.
[Shy readers look away!] Joe met my two best girlfriends and held one of their infants (swoon). Both girlfriends were skeptical of Joe, but found him to be hot, saw me to be happy in a way I hadn’t been in five years and encouraged the tryst. “Keep having sex with him, just don’t eff up your birth control pill regime. And make him wear a condom.” I took their advice. As I am notorious for taking 2 pills in one day, I had Siri remind me. Thank you, Siri.
Joe did something extraordinary for me. He was the first person in five freakin’ years that peeled down my emotional wall. And now it’s down. I’ve decided even though Joe is no longer around, instead of pulling the wall back up and reverting into a cocoon of single working mom and nothing else, I shall keep the wall down and dance with boys at the Jersey shore this weekend.
RIP Joe. RIP. Jazz hands.
“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.”
• Robert Frost
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