Breaking up Is Hard to Do: The Single Mom Edition
Bummer. Joe went AWOL. I am sad, mad, confused, angry, but prevailing as usual. Something wonderful about dating as a single mom is that, if you’re like me, you remain in awesome single mom mode. You find private ways to feel sh*tty, feel your feelings and move on, because you have no other choice. There’s a tiny human that needs you. You pack the school lunch, tie the grubby shoelaces, play blocks, go on seashell hunts and read books to your kiddo. You work and don’t take personal days to mourn. Nothing has changed, even though everything has changed. Joe filled a void in my life for a short period of time — approximately 3 months. After the jump, I shall examine more …
Joe was hot.
Joe was charrrrrrrr-ming.
Joe always smelled good.
Joe had strong, sexy arms.
I felt a connection to Joe. I wanted to help him, take care of him and be there for him (This is the mom in me. I like to help and feed people.).
Joe paid immediate, intense attention to me and this was a very strange feeling that I clung to for the first time in five, long years, because it felt overwhelmingly … awesome. It made me hopeful again. He proclaimed poetic feelings over Facebook (I wasn’t even on FB when I was with JD’s dad, so I’m assuming this is normal dating behavior for the times?)
Joe sexted and texted me frequently (I laughed at my desk at work and forwarded messages to my work wife, Jenny from the block). This was fun and out of the ordinary. This is why I liked Joe so much. He spiced up my life. He made things less routine.
[Shy readers look away!] Joe came over after JD went to bed and provided company, wine and everything else your dirty minds are imagining (oh yes). This was the best part of Joe: another warm body and live adult conversation. My nights were no longer lonely after JD went to bed. I didn’t have to distract myself with work, emails, and folding laundry to avoid the empty feeling. When you lack this human connection for a long time, then finally get it, it comes on 1000x stronger and it feels like Christmas morning when you’re 5. I should have realized this going in, but I was blinded by his hotness and Latin lover appeal.
Joe met JD and I feel dumb about this now (damnit!). Luckily, JD doesn’t appear to have a memory of him because he doesn’t ask about him. (JD is currently obsessed with attaining a pet squirrel and some sort of case for him to live in.) They had 3 interactions. They were short. JD caught us watching TV one night, but he never saw affection between us (Thank God!). I didn’t allow Joe to get close to JD and I even distracted JD with homework and our normal routine when Joe was over. I did admittedly melt when Joe helped JD somewhat assemble his train table (no one assembles better than Uncle Bri). I took paparazzi pics with my iPhone incognito — sometimes I want to delete them. Sometimes I want to look at them and cry. Sometimes I do.
[Shy readers look away!] Joe met my two best girlfriends and held one of their infants (swoon). Both girlfriends were skeptical of Joe, but found him to be hot, saw me to be happy in a way I hadn’t been in five years and encouraged the tryst. “Keep having sex with him, just don’t eff up your birth control pill regime. And make him wear a condom.” I took their advice. As I am notorious for taking 2 pills in one day, I had Siri remind me. Thank you, Siri.
Joe did something extraordinary for me. He was the first person in five freakin’ years that peeled down my emotional wall. And now it’s down. I’ve decided even though Joe is no longer around, instead of pulling the wall back up and reverting into a cocoon of single working mom and nothing else, I shall keep the wall down and dance with boys at the Jersey shore this weekend.
RIP Joe. RIP. Jazz hands.
“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.”
― Robert Frost
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Sorry it worked out this way, but I’m glad you had the experience.
Big questions… did you delete him from your facebook ???
I deleted him from my life.
Good for you !!!
This is a very open and honest blog. I love that your takeaway is to keep your heart open.
Thanks Courtney! I am honest and my writing scares me which means I’m going justice to my art. The BIGGEST story is yet to come.
I’m in similar situation as yours…except I haven’t experienced the new romance thing yet…i’m hoping to some day feel that happy feeling someday soon. I’ll prevail in love… I will!!!
Why did he go AWOL? Did he know you wrote about him online?
No problem. I think readers and lovers of the art are universally attracted to TRUTH and TRUTH tellers. So keep going girl. This guy is not going to stop you from getting all you want in life. Can’t wait to read your next chapter.
Veronica, I think he got bored, or found another girl, or had things of his own to deal with. I tried to be a good friend. I cooked, even. In the end we were if diff places. Oh welly. I wish him nothing but the best!
Don’t feel bad about him meeting your boy, he was only your friend in your son’s eyes and friends come and go. Sorry to hear its over. Dance your ass off at the shore. I too go down the shore alot, my sister has a house. I have no one to go out with though.. It is a Family atmosphere : (
I prevail at the shore with Uncle Carlo. We leave JD with my mom and stay out all night. Carlo pays the bar tab. ah
So sorry it didn’t work out for the long-term, but you definitely took away what you were supposed to from the experience: life is too short to put the walls up and deprive yourself of the adult companionship that you need. You’re still young and beautiful; having JD and being a winning single mom only makes the package that much better! And the right man will appreciate the *entire* package.
These comments are so kind and supportive! I feel so happy and blessed! I also met a new boy. haha, tho this is clearly a rebound.
I’m glad you went for it. I think that “first time” is the hardest to put yourself out there. Kinda like losing your V- card. Sounds like it was a fun tryst! I love that Robert Frost quote! LOVE IT! Enjoy the shore, and dancing and flirting! A stand-up guy will find you and JD and appreciate all you bring to the table!
Hi loyal readers, I am the aforementioned “Jenny-from-the-block” work-wife Chrissi forwarded those sexts to. I knew Joe. Joe was a charmer, and he was hot, and I don’t like the way he treated my darling friend. At the end of the day he was a guy with a good heart who’s massive problems and selfishness over-road his natural kindness. I know this rationally, but I listen to my heart not my head and my heart tells me to cut his tires and throw 500 fliers with his face and the word liar all over his neighborhood.
Chrissi you are awesome and smart and funny and beautiful-and you will prevail like always. I have never doubted that even for a second #PLG for LIFE!
Men… sometimes they just need to grow up and see what awesome woman they lose! Jemma – you sound like an awesome friend!
Jenny from the block rule. *Joe is a good guy, but his probs are not mine.
*rules
Chrissy- I have a hot, single dad friend I’d love for you to meet! He lives at the Jersey Shore… what’s one blind date?
I am a long time reader of your work, from Glamour to your book to Parenting (even though I do not have children) and now to Babble. The typical long time reader, first time commenter. I feel that since moving to Babble you have also let your guard down with your blogging, showing a more genuine side of yourself and as a reader I appreciate that honesty. You will certainly prevail and I love that you have already found someone new to share all of those fun experiences with. As a recently single woman, I can completely relate to loving that downtime at the end of the day with someone special and keeping in touch via e-mails, texts, etc. during the day to keep things interesting. You deserve to have finally granted yourself permission to fully be single (and open to a relationship) again and go out and enjoy the rest of your summer! Everyone reading knows that you deserve it.
Go you!!
Thanks for sharing and being honest.
There are plenty more fish in the sea for someone as awesome as you
Ok, my first reaction when I read this was anger at Joe. You were finally in a place to open yourself and your life up to someone and he treated you like that. GRRR! But you seem healthy, happy, and in a good place which is wonderful. You deserve better, and I know you will get it. You will prevail, as you always do. Keep your chin up, keep dancing, and go squishy-hug that precious little boy of yours
I love that quote. And I love the truth in here. And I love that you said he has problems and they aren’t yours. Yes!
I have been single almost 8 months now after a 4 year relationship and I was single a year prior to him. So that’s like what? One guys in 6 years? I don’t have kids (dog kids but no little humans) and live in a town where everyone in our age category is married or going through a divorce… I just can’t deal with anyone’s baggage, gotta fix my own crap right now. But reading this gave me hope, maybe one day I will get there. It’s not like my life is sealed right now. I think I forget that.
And I agree with the commentor who said not to beat yourself up over JD meeting Joe. JD is fine, he is great and Joe sounds like he was barely a blip on JD’s radar.
So, just read your tweet. Is it wrong that I think you should hear him out and give him a chance to explain his absence?
I’ve been reading your column for so long, ever since your day’s at Storked and then at Parenting.com and now here. I was so rooting for you and Joe and I feel badly for you that it didn’t work out, but not sad for you. You’re not a feel sad for kind of girl. You’re strong and smart and resilient as can be, so I have no doubt that a new, better Joe is right around the corner. Keep your walls down!
I just re-read my comment and it almost sounded like I was juding you for introducing him to JD. I’m not AT ALL. I just want you to know that you shouldn’t even think about it too much and I’m sure JD didn’t give Joe a second thought. Life is all trial and error and we’ve all been there
Christine:
Boy, do you say it all in this line: “When you lack this human connection for a long time, then finally get it, it comes on 1000x stronger.”
So true!
And that said, good for you for accepting this sweet experience of human connection, and then knowing at the end of the day that Joe’s dismissal was NOT about you.
Here’s to moving on… You deserve to be loved by a man who wants to be present.
Keep on chugging….something real will come along. It’s just a matter of time
Single mums are awesome and strong!!
Remarkable things here. I’m very glad to look your post. Thank you so much and I am having a look forward to touch you. Will you kindly drop me a mail?