Can Your Marriage Be Saved?

Can your marriage be saved? Should your marriage be saved? People are struggling and hurting and marriage can be hard. I think marriage is a good thing. At it’s best, you just can’t beat it. At it’s worst, it can be a painfully humiliating nightmare for some people.

Yesterday I heard Kenny Rogers talking about his 5 marriages in an interview on the radio. He explained that he was gone a lot and he grew apart from his wives and decided it wasn’t fair and so he moved on.

I’m listening to The Killers album and there seem to be several references to that first fun heart-skipping giddiness of falling in love and how time and kids sort of, uh, ruin it.

This is a theme in failed marriages and rock and roll–It gets old. I’ve been married 19 years and you know what? It does get “old.” That’s not a bad thing.

But I also watched Dr. Who’s farewell episode to Amelia Pond and Rory. (Hold up, am I SRSLY going to approach the sacred topic of marriage from within the shallow context of pop culture? WATCH ME.) Amy is about to make a huge sacrifice by leaving her adventurous life with the doctor in order to be with her husband, Rory. “What are you doing?” asks the doctor, who wants her to stay.

Bad A. Amy replies, “Changing the future. That’s marriage.”

Yeah, that sounds right to me. What is marriage if not something binding with the power to change the future?

People fail. Spouses betray. Divorce is a thing and it should be. Sometimes it’s best. Situations are specific.  I hope you can keep some semblance of romance alive through the life of your marriage–I mean, that is really great if you can. But being married isn’t the same thing as a first date.

But that doesn’t make it any less gut wrenching, thrilling, or rewarding. You want gut-wrenching? Get your wife pregnant. You want a thrill? Parent by the skin of your teeth for 18 years and see how it turns out. You want rewarding? Have Brandon Flowers forsake all others for you because–and perhaps, ONLY because, you are his wife. Marriage ups the ante. The stakes are high. It’s not for the faint of heart. It’s not for people with short attention spans.

I don’t fault people who get divorced. But I do admire people who stay married.

What’s sexier than staying power? And, by the way, Kenny Rogers seems to agree. He’s been married to his last wife–his current wife–for 15 years.

“We used to laugh now we only fight.” Sigh. And having kids just makes everything harder, right? But they turn your life into a legacy and they make men out of boys. Here’s Brandon Flowers, making it work.

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More of my writing on Kid Scoop:

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