Excerpt: Packaging Boyhood/Girlhood by Lyn Mikel Brown, Sharon Lamb, and Mark Tappan. Babble.com.
Saving your kids from media, marketers and Halloween.
In their new book, Packaging Boyhood: Saving Our Sons from Superheroes, Slackers, and Other Media Stereotypes, authors Lyn Mikel Brown, Sharon Lamb, and Mark Tappan address the various ways culture and the media bombard boys with idealized images they’re never likely to live up to.
In this exclusive excerpt from the book, they analyze the limited – and highly gender-divided – range of choices in Halloween costumes and advise that you talk to your sons about being able to be themselves, even while wearing the standard ultra-violent and superhuman outfits.
Click here for Lamb and Brown’s chapter on Halloween costumes for girls from their previous title Packaging Girlhood: Rescuing Our Daughters from Marketer’s Schemes.
Special Forces Jungle Fighter Child
Surf the web, flip through the many catalogs, or walk through department stores beginning in early September to look for a Halloween costume and Boyhood (that’s with a capital B) will assault you at every turn. Take him to any big box store like Walmart or Target and your little boy can pour over a dizzying array of costumes. When boiled down, his choices include scary characters, fighters, and heroes – either in super form, like Spiderman or Batman, or the real life version, like police officers, military personnel, or sports stars. For the youngest boys there’s the occasional Pooh Bear or SpongeBob, even a cute puppy or lion, but they are buried in an avalanche of ninjas, special Delta force soldiers, and Transformers.
Halloween for boys is mostly about embodying a sense of power and full-throttle action. Boys dress up as men and the version of manhood presented to them is one in which superheroes and warriors are ready to save the world. Their costumes come with every weapon he needs to control, dominate, and save, and just to prove he’s physically up for the challenge, they come complete with fake muscles. “Bulging padded ‘muscles’ are stitched into torso, arms and legs,” announces a catalog description. “Transform your little hulk into the most powerful human-like creature.”
Most powerful. Every costume says extreme action! Being a soldier is tame, almost boring, compared to being a Special Force Fighter Child, complete with ragged, ripped camo pants and “3-D foamed muscle top jumpsuit” that fakes 6-pack abs – “A great costume if you want to be Rambo.” Of course few boys today know who Rambo is, aside from those who have seen Stallone’s recent R-rated sequel with the tagline: “Heroes never die; they just reload.” Even if he’s not allowed to see the movie, the little boy posing in the costume, his camo headband off-kilter, his hands on his hips, his best five-year-old “don’t mess with me” expression, conveys the idea pretty well.
It’s no surprise that Halloween invites boys to dress up as the superheroes they watch in movies or sports stars they admire on TV, but it’s striking how many costumes are just variations of tough guys carrying all manner of weapons. Fighting crime like Superman and imagining you can dunk a basketball like Michael Jordan or win the Indianapolis 500 like NASCAR’s Jimmie Johnson is great fantasy, but just as pink and princess have overrun all manner of girls’ costumes, boys’ costumes have to come with some kind of ninja attitude and fighter paraphernalia.
And more is always, always better. More stuff, bigger muscles, tougher-sounding descriptions. Who wants to be just any ninja when you can be Shadow Ninja Bounty Hunter? This extra-tough guy costume includes a jumpsuit with muscle torso, attached belt, sword, shin guards, apron, hood, and badge. The red and black mask covers all but his eyes: “You’d better hope this ninja isn’t on your trail if you’re a fugitive on the run because he always gets his man.”
Guess what my 2 year old had her heart set on this Halloween? DJ Lance Rock! We must be doing something right…
Silly, repetitive, non-informative article. One of my son’s best friends, a girl, dressed as an adorable Knight last year, and we’ve had plenty of girl doctors, girl pilots, and even a girl soldier in our neighborhood. Today, there are tons of girl pirate costumes in the stores, unlike when I was growing up, and the girl superhero costumes are as plentiful as they ever were. I think there’s nothing wrong with princesses and brides and ballerinas, for girls, as well as fireman costumes, if they want them. I think the authors way overstate their case, and their reporting doesn’t seem to be supported by everyone’s experience.
I have to agree NoHo Mom. My little girl dressed up as Tigger last year, and this year, a Cat – but its not a “sexy cat” – it’s a warm (literally) cat costume that we got at Old Navy… that by the way, was not sectioned off into boy costumes and girl costumes. Good grief.
To the above commenters, the point of this article is not that there are no powerful, strong choices for girls in the major costume stores, or that parents can’t find viable alternatives to fairies and (eek) French maids, but rather we have to work pretty darn hard to seek them out. I’d guarantee that that girl pilot costume mentioned by “My thoughts” (if it was bought and not made) wasn’t marketed to girls in the same way as a pilot costume for boys. And that’s, I think, the gist here. We tell girls “wow, those shoes sure make you look pretty!” while we tell their brothers, “wow, those shoes sure make you run fast!”
It’s important to note these disparities as our children get older and we have increasingly less influence over their choices. Language does matter.
Liz
http://Mom-101.com
So Liz wants me to tell my son he looks pretty in his shoes? Childhood is hard enough for boys. I don’t want to send mixed messages about gender identification.
I bought my two year old daughter a car costume from the boys dept. I am just relieved that she is still at an age where she doesnt see what is “supposed to be” but what she “wants to be” I dread future Halloweens.
Well. if your son has broken out of the stereotypes imposed by the Halloween industrial complex and chosen to wear sparkly glass slippers, I think some affirmation would be in order, but aside from that I’m gonna guess no.I try not to tell my daughter anything “makes” her look pretty. We talk about that they make her look or feel “fancy.” She is pretty, and no shoes, make up or costume should have an effect. A lesson I’m working on as well.I think the better thing would be just to teach your son or daughter not to be marketed to at all. Don’t let ads and packaging determine what you are and what you want. My 4 year old daughter had a list of costume choices after looking at a catalogue and among them was Buzz Lightyear. The fact that it was a boy in the costume did not stop her from tearing it out of the catalog and adding it to our picture list. I don’t need every bagged costume to be $4 more because there is an added photo of a girl fire fighter next to the boy fire fighter. We did settle on a spruced up goodwill version of Minnie Mouse (accompanied by Mommy as Mickey Mouse.) I will try very hard to make her an empowered Minnie who does more than just bake cookies.
While I agree with the author that there isn’t much choice and girls are bombarded with princess clothes, gear, movies, you name it. And boys with monsters and policemen, this article just doesn’t go very far in terms of talking about how to shift those kind of gender perceptions in children. I imagine thats what much of this feedback is about. I agree language does matter, but so many things do.
I’m not by any means anti-princess. It gives my daughter so much pleasure to dress up in chiffon and tulle and be silly. I remember just about losing my mind when my grandmother sent me a pink sequined ballerina costume – it came in a large box with lots of scented tissue. The memory is so very vivid, visceral and special to me. I think I wore it at home for a year straight. Yet today I’m not a girly, girl. I wear jeans and boots everyday and am the one in my house who fixes things and puts furniture together. BUT even if I did have the outward trappings of being girly or extremely feminine – however you choose to describe it – nails, hair, bags, clothes etc. That wouldn’t mean there was something wrong with me would there? I think exposing your children to different types of people, and to variations of femininity and masculinity can help them to absorb a more holistic view of what men and women are. You don’t have to tell your son his shoes are pretty – and conversely he’s not going to be stuck in a testosterone rut just because you told him he’s handsome.
Just read books to your kids that expose them to different ideas of men and women. Talk to them about the things they see in stores. Whatever… we all have our methods with our kids. But you can’t lock them in a closet, you just have to deal with the world around you in the best way possible.
DJ Lance Rock…I had to Google that to find out what it was. We’re pretty out of it here.
My 2 year old is being a chicken.
I’m currently reading Packaging Boyhood as part of an official book review article. I’m 80% finished and thus not entirely ready to render my final thoughts. However, after reading the comments, I will say this: the overarching premise of the book is correct in identifying the commercial stereotyping of boys and it’s negative impacts. It’s important that parents of both boys and girls recognize this and be able to talk with their children about it.On the other hand, portions of the book need to be taken with a grain of salt. In their attempts to cite examples underscoring certain arguments, the logic involved can be far-reaching and at time sound overzealous. At times I had to keep asking the question: When does a little boy get to act like a little boy without it being scrutinized as endemic to the ills of a consumerist society?So with regard to the views above (not to mention the fact I have three boys of my own) I can see where both side feel as they do.
I’m increasingly sad at the Babble excerpts and articles.
First, I grew up in the 70s. MAYBE the 80s were transgressive, Boy George and all that, but when I was growing up girls were Princess Leia and boys were Luke Skywalker. The nostalgia for all things free is a little hollow.
Secondly, ever hear of Arthur’s Excalibur? David’s slingshot? Heroes tend to come with their weapons, and always have.
I don’t disagree that we need to help our kids with narratives somewhat but… it is truly okay on Hallowe’en to carry that big scythe. The one Death uses.
I looked at the costumes in all the local chain stores (Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target). There were lots of superhero and ninja costumes in the “boy’s” sections, and some princesses, overly-sexualized witches and Gypsies for the girls. In the adult section it was no better: a few hairy gorilla suits, some skeletons and ghouls, then the French maid and damsel-in-distress fare. I did see one vampire set and one witch set that looked like the Halloween I remember (read: the one from someone’s closet or sewing machine).
My 3 1/2 year old son saw all the superhero suits and then he saw the little headband covered in marabou fluff with the tiny pointed ears paired with the marabou tail with the picture of the adorable little girl in the tights and tail. He’s going to be a “baby kitty” this year. I got him a black shirt and some black cotton pants. He’s been wearing that headband and tail for 2 days straight. He’s going to be the cutest kitten in the neighborhood.
I’m going to be the “Mommy kitty”. I will enjoy one of what will most likely be just a few Halloweens where he actually wants me to dress up like him. (We were going to be the Teletubbies, but there are no yellow pants to be found in the state of Alabama, so my Laa-Laa look fell flat – a shame, I had the hat and everything).
(By the way, last year my step-daughter went as a nuclear accident – ripped yellow suit, glowing goo, fake blood and peeling burnt skin. She looked really gross. It was awesome). I won’t pigeon-hole my kids into the “this is what boys(men) do, this is what girls(still girls) do” nonsense. My husband cooks, changes diapers, and does the spit-and-polish housework. I am the one who took woodshop and likes to fish. With real worms. My father taught me to tie a pretty bow because my mom can’t. My mom insisted that I learn to change both a tire and the oil in my car before I started driving.
We’re equal opportunity weirdos. Come to the dark side: we have candy corn.
Lighten up, let the kids be whatever they want to be. Why is dressing up for a couple of hours once a year for Halloween even an issue. Do you really think this is going to affect what the kid grows up to be? I can tell you it won’t. Please people stop over analyzing every little thing. Let your kids enjoy life!!!!
Mommykitty – you are AWESOME. The dark side is the best – especially at Halloween!
And Ali – why can’t you tell your son he looks pretty? Will that scar him for life, cause him to be ‘gay,’ or a sissy? My guess is that it won’t. Or how about we just jettison the whole “girls are pretty and boys are tough” thing and just tell our children that they’re gorgeous? That’s my preferred word. Works fine for both girls AND boys and it counts for the inside as well as the outside.
It’s important to note the reason why questioning gender stereotypes is good for kids: because ultimately, it will make them happier to know that they don’t have to conform to these stereotypes if they don’t want to, and that you will support them if they don’t. The messages they’re getting from TV say that if boys aren’t the strongest and most macho, and if girls aren’t the prettiest/sexiest princess, no one will like them. It’s your job, as a parent, to make sure that they know that even if they don’t fit into that box (and most kids don’t fit into it perfectly), you will still love them and other kids will still like them.
What’s at stake here, guys, is your kids’ happiness. It’s worth inconveniencing yourself a little bit.
Oh Ali, you can always be relied upon to represent the right. Why not tell your boy his shoes are pretty? Does pigeon-holing him serve him or does it serve you?
My 9 month old daughter will be celebrating her first Halloween in her Spiderman costume. I hated everything that they had for little girls and she looked adorable in this one. We have already gotten so much shit from grandparents and others who have asked what we plan to dress her as. Her father and I have discussed our desire to keep her as gender neutral as possible and not confine her to any gender expectations. I was deeply saddened when my nephew told me excitedly that he was going to be a flower for Halloween and his father quickly said “No, you aren’t, that’s for girls”. I have to admit, part of the purpose of the Spiderman costume is to put my money where my mouth is after I vehemently disagreed with his decision (not in front of his child, of course).
Yes Ali, that’s exactly my point. I’m aiming to confuse the children of America about their sexuality and I will not rest until I have achieved my nefarious goal! BWAHAHAHAHA.
Liz
http://Mom-101.com
Mommykitty, great post. Shan, I grew up in the 70s too and I was Chewbacca one year for Halloween.
We have a 16 month old boy who is too young to really express a preference, but this year he’s a lion in one of those warm, floppy costumes with a hood that work well instead of a coat. At a party this weekend, one of his friends, a girl, was in what looked like the same costume, but upon inspection it was a puppy (different head and tail). My husband and I went for a steampunk safari look, with our little boy as the cub we picked up during our travels (horrible now, but we’re in the 19th century riding a zeppelin across the Serengeti). Next year he gets to decide whatever he thinks would be fun.
The reason that there are so many superhero, ninja, and warrior costumes for boys are because that’s what sells because that’s what kids like. Ditto for the girls. I love gender neutral toys and costumes, but buying them won’t change the fact that boys and girls are different. There were gender differences long before mass marketing, and modern ideas cannot change who we biologically are. My son will get to wear a boys costume every Halloween if that’s what he wants.
And what’s wrong with a boy aspiring to be a hero? Should they all want to be metrosexuals for Halloween? How about we put them in fat suits and have them carry bags of cheetos, and then they can look like products of our modern culture who are taught that everything they do is ok and personal accountability doesn’t matter.
Read The Mister Rogers Parenting Book. In it, Fred Rogers says that playing about power for small children — acting as superheroes, even carrying guns — is about a fantasy that normally powerless children have that is perfectly natural, and understandable, given how little control children have over their lives on a daily basis.
This article makes the mistake of looking at children through an adult lens, and diminishes the importance of a rich fantasy life. I dressed as a princess on Halloween — and as Darth Vader, and as Wonder Woman.
Trying on different roles — yes, even that of the sexy slut or macho jerk — is part of growing up. If I hadn’t been permitted to experiment with those things in my youth I wouldn’t have had the education or the fully informed power to reject them as an adult.
The most horrific costumes to me are the ones that encourage children to dress up as corporate logos — a box of McDonald’s french fries, a Target shopping bag, the Burger King. That is marketing taken to a disturbing level.
Children and adults have the other 364 days of the year to sort out gender roles — don’t put too much weight on one day.