Could I celebrate Christmas without buying gifts?
Getting our fill of the holidays without consuming
My husband and I have picked the apex of the consuming year to stop : consuming.
Unexpected financial difficulties, coupled with student debt from two law degrees, have left us stressed and overwhelmed. We want to be out of debt, and we’re willing to do just about whatever it takes to get there.
Therefore, this year we decided to celebrate Christmas. With two children. Without spending money.
The first thing to go? Presents.
I truly believe there is such a thing as too many toys. At any given time, my older son, now two-and-a-half, actively plays with about three to five toys. For a solid month, the only thing he has really been interested in playing with is blocks. I see no point in filling his room with twenty to thirty gifts, a majority of which will become background noise in an already cluttered play area.
That said, he is going to get presents on Christmas morning – just not any purchased by us. Unbeknownst to him, I have been storing away birthday presents for the past two years to give him at Christmas. At the time, this wasn’t done out of any financial necessity. For his first birthday, I asked our guests to bring their favorite toy from childhood. I thought it would be more fun for them but I also didn’t want a house full of toys he would only play with for a couple of months.
In many ways, I’m proud of my resourcefulness. I love that he will open all these great presents without me having to open my wallet. Plus, the few specific items he has asked for are being purchased by generous grandparents. Still, I can’t help but be a little sad.
My older son understands Santa and he definitely understands that Santa brings presents. And compared to his first Christmas, when I insisted we go buy him presents to open on Christmas morning, this will be really different. Back then, my husband argued that he was only six months old and would have no clue what was going on, but I didn’t care. It felt so special to be in the toy aisle thinking about what he would enjoy. The rest of the year we have to be responsible. We have to worry about spoiling them or imparting a sense of entitlement. Christmas is the one day when all bets are off. You can give and give just to see their eyes light up with each new toy.
My younger son, a six-month-old, will only be getting his brother’s old toys, including some I bought that first Christmas, dusted off and recycled. Again, I know logically he has no clue what a day even is much less that it’s Christmas Day, but I can’t help but feel guilty. I feel like he deserves exactly what his brother got but I just can’t justify buying new toys for him when we already own perfectly fine hand-me-downs.
And here’s the hard, funny truth: My children aren’t having trouble celebrating Christmas without consuming because they are not consumers. I am. Since the beginning of our little experiment, I’ve had to constantly remind myself that this isn’t about me. Just because my expectations are not being met or I’m feeling disappointed doesn’t mean my children are. In fact, they don’t seem to be suffering in the least. We haven’t opened a single present and not a day goes by that my son doesn’t exclaim, “I love Christmas!”
It’s more than that, though. My new-found frugality has forced me to see the entire holiday experience with fresh eyes. When I have to find ways of celebrating that don’t involve mindlessly consuming, I’m forced to decide what it is I’m celebrating in the first place. More importantly, I’ve had to really think about what I’m teaching my children to celebrate.
I don’t want to teach my sons that the holidays are about receiving. I don’t want to teach them that the number of presents is what makes a happy Christmas. I want them to be generous of spirit and spend just as much time working on the list of presents they are giving as on those they hope to receive.
Since we are saving money by making a majority of our gifts, I’ve noticed there has been more emphasis in our house on the process of giving this season. Instead of spending a day at the mall crossing everyone off my list, I’ve had to be creative and spend time crafting each present. Not to mention, I’ve included my older son in this process in a way I’m not sure I would have otherwise. I realized I wanted him to make a present for the people most important to him. I’ve asked him what he thinks each person would enjoy or if he’d like to make them something. Sure, he insists that my mother really wants a tractor but, if nothing else, that’s a memorable exchange I never would have had with him had I bought her a scarf and said it was from him.
It hasn’t been easy. Sometimes I feel like everywhere I look I see things I’m missing out on, or worse, that my children are missing out on. I want to enjoy the newest holiday drink from Starbucks! I want to give my son the newest breakdancing Elmo! I just have to keep reminding myself that being a good parent is about deciding what’s important to your family and then sticking to your guns … even at Christmas.
i like these ideas!!!! thank you
Fabulous, honest piece. Loved reading it.
Thank you for this! I grew up in a poor household and for us, Christmas was primarily about spending time with family. We might have gotten a present or two (and that stopped once we turned 18) but I don’t ever recall feeling deprived. Now that I’m older with a child of my own, I’ve noticed that Christmas for many people is about the gifts and I’ve felt a lot of guilt for the fact that I don’t want to buy my son a ton of presents. I recently heard on the radio that the average American family spends $270 per child on Christmas presents and, in this economic climate, that just seems so excessive to me. Enjoy your new frugal holiday!
Thanks for the positive feedback! Lila, I heard the same thing this morning on the Today Show and about fell out of chair! When I first started posting about our Christmas without Consuming on my blog, one friend told me that she saw a study a child’s excitement peeks at the third present and then it plateaus. I thought that was so interesting, especially if we are doing all this for them.
20-30 presents?! Holy crap! How about instead of one extreme or the other, some moderation? What about one present each?
Great minds think alike! We have done the gift redistribution in our household too. I really want to bring up kids who are not spend thrifts so we really try to lead by example. We show them that excess is not necessary.
The less they have the more they seem to enjoy when they do get gifts.
Here is a post about what we are doing this Christmas:
http://ichoosehappynow.com/2011/12/01/cup-of-joy/the-count-down-for-christmas-now-has-begun-and-a-childs-perfect-christmas-gifts/
Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!
Cheers,
Louise
I would love to hear how this goes when your kids actually know what’s going on at Christmas.
Great post. I was feeling a little guilty at the paucity of gifts this year but I feel better now. My husband and I got our kids one Chanukah present each, and both our mothers got each kid a gift, as did two of my sisters. A friend expressed incredulity that we didn’t get a gift for each night of Chanukah. She buys small dollar store gifts and one big gift for each kid. I don’t see the point in spending money on cheap dollar store gifts that have no meaning and will clutter up my house/junk drawer when the big gift is excitement enough for them.
This is so awesome. I wish I had thought of this years ago.
This year financial realities forced us to reappraise our gift giving. It was difficult. My daughter reminded me many times her #1 wish was an iPad2 and it would be okay if it was the ONLY gift she received. That was crazy because all of my gift giving budget for EVERYONE was about 1/2 of her request. But in the end it worked out. Maybe next year the kids will be a bit more accustomed to moderation!
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The consumerism will really take effect when they have friends who will comment and compare what they have received for Christmas.IN this country the inocence of the holiday season is affected by peer pressure and the one -up people who always have to have something better than the next guy.
I know I am terrified of peer influence. Obviously, hiding birthday presents won’t work much longer. I welcome any and all strategies y’all have to deal with the expensive demands of older children!
The lessons you’re teaching by giving handmade gifts *will* make a difference. We’ve always made our Christmas cards, you can see them on my blog if you want, and this year as we were making them my oldest daughter (now 12) said to me, “I can’t imagine how much it would cost to buy 100 cards!” (We are struggling financially as well so cost is always a topic of conversation.) You will see later on what a difference giving handmade makes. As far as advice for next year(s) start early. Purchase a little at a time all year long as you see good buys, and it’s not so much all at once.
Jen
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We live in a pretty poor neighborhood, I highly recommend it if you want to keep your kids frugal. They know no one with a phone, iPod, iPad. A ds is the biggest ticket item around here. I think the biggest problem is often time the neighbors, when kids get older.
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