Child-Unfriendly 1 of 12
In my bathroom stall
If you must bring your young son with you into the ladies room, make sure he knows not to stick his head under the divider into my stall — even if he is polite enough to say hello before shouting, I CAN SEE YOUR PEE-PEE!
Child-Unfriendly 2 of 12
At a bar
This is one that urban parents love to fight over, so Ill say this: If its dinnertime and your child is sitting with you at a bar that serves food, fine. If its midnight and your baby looks cuter than I do, shes gotta go. Theres only so much attention to go around, kid.
Child-Unfriendly 3 of 12
At a bridal fitting
If youre the only bridesmaid who is married with children (as I have been in the past), be sure to leave your kidlings home during events like dress fittings. No one wants to be the mom whose kid smeared chocolate all over their BFFs silk wedding gown.
Child-Unfriendly 4 of 12
In an upscale hair salon
This is on my list mostly because I cant even afford to go to an upscale hair salon, so I expect to see your kid sitting next to me at Super Cuts.
Child-Unfriendly 5 of 12
Getting a mani/pedi
Okay, okay. Little girls love to get their nails painted, and Ill admit even I have allowed my daughter to get her nails done by a professional — once. But a pedicure, too? Unless your 4-year-old has got some major bunions, think twice. You could be creating a monster.
Child-Unfriendly 6 of 12
On the waxing table
No ifs, ands or buts about it. Children do not need to be waxed or plucked — or Botoxed, for that matter. Teach your 8-year-old to embrace her inner Frida Kahlo and leave her facial hair — and certainly any other body hair — alone!
Child-Unfriendly 7 of 12
At a comedy or rock show
The show may be all ages, but that doesnt mean your kids belong there. Ive had to bring my kid along to a few shows, and it makes everyone feel awkward, except my kid, who makes herself at home wherever she goes. That means begging for drinks and jumping on furniture, kinda like I do when Im drunk. Unless Dan Zanes is on the mic, try your best to get a sitter when you need a laugh or wanna rock out.
Child-Unfriendly 8 of 12
In the police blotter
Okay, no joke: Child-on-child crime is on the rise, and its terrifying. Teach your kids how to be gentle with younger children, and for Gods sake, please dont keep a gun in your house.
Child-Unfriendly 9 of 12
At an adults-only party
You just had your first baby, but you want to go to your childless friends 30th birthday bash. Why not bring your infant along? Oh sure, you think hell sleep the whole time ... but not with his infant seat lodged underneath a speaker blaring Ke$ha. This place about to blow, alright, because your baby is crying (even louder than the drunk girl. See #7.).
Child-Unfriendly 10 of 12
In the office
Just dont bring your kid to work. We all know Bring Our Sons and Daughters to Work Day is really Make Your Assistant Deal With Your Kids Day. Not fair for your assistant, boring for your kids, bad for the economy. You can show them your office on a Saturday after the recession ends.
Child-Unfriendly 11 of 12
Of course, if you do see someones child in one of these settings, be good-natured about it. After all, nothing makes a parent who already feels awkward feel worse than being snubbed by the very adult companions they are in such dire need of seeing. Ive learned to keep a pad and pen in my purse at all times. That way, if my daughter just so happens to be with me on a comedy cruise (ahem), she can draw a picture of and learn how to spell B-E-E-R.
Child-Unfriendly 12 of 12