One thing I’ve learned about being a parent is that it’s probably best to embrace your kids’ quirks. And I’ve got some quirky kids.
Ben (age 9) recently told me that when he was 5 he had an imaginary friend. The imaginary friend was Lenny from The Simpsons. He never told us this when he was 5. I’m not sure he knew who Lenny was at that time. Nevertheless, Lenny had somehow invaded his psyche.
I went through my archives to capture the mindset of 5-year-old Ben. Here are some of the strange things he used to do when he was 5 and, as it turns out, had Lenny from The Simpsons as an imaginary friend.
Once he referred to my “great big giant chubby bum.” A while after that he got stuck in baby Ellen’s exersaucer. When I said that maybe he had a great big giant chubby bum he got really mad at me and threw a fit.
We were having a light saber fight and I lost the battle. He used his light saber to “slice my bum off and peel my skin.”
He gave me a pipe-cleaner present for Mother’s Day. He he told me used dark colors in the making of it “to show death.”
He thinks that “ear wack” is the singular of ear wax.
Ben said, “You should grow your hair really long and get more brown and then use Bare Minerals.” I replied, “Ahh. And that would make me beautiful?” And he said, “No, but it would make you look a little better.”
The other day he sang this to the tune of “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling”: “You should open your eyes when I stick my bum in your face.”
Once when I was kind of exasperated I said, “It wouldn’t kill you to be nice to me once in a while, Ben.” And he said, sweetly, “OK, Mommy.” And then he pretended to fall over dead.
He’s 9 now and a little less obsessed with bums. No matter. I still embrace his quirks.