How to Prepare Your Kids for a Zombie ApocalypseKacy Faulconer
The Walking Dead’s 3rd season premiers this weekend. I’m excited because if that show is about anything [other than horrifying zombie carnage], it’s about raising awareness–Zombie apocalypse survival awareness.
There are 2 ways to think about a zombie apocalypse. Some people want to be the first to go. Why bother surviving when survival is a hopeless prospect? Why fight to live in a world populated by soulless, brain-feasting monsters?
That attitude is for chickens.
What about the indomitable spirit we as humans possess? That’s the spirit behind the 2nd way of thinking about a zombie apocalypse which is to survive, dang it, at all costs. To survive, nay thrive, as we rebuild from the ashes and fight to maintain some semblance of our culture and dignity. Yeah. That’s what I’m talking about.
So, with regard to preparing your kids for a zombie apocalypse: It probably won’t happen, but in case it does, here are a few things to work on with your kids [before it’s too late].
Scouting 1 of 10I know the BSA is woefully unpopular right now, but pick up a manual if you can and study it with your kids. In it you will find all manner of survival skills that your kids are going to need in their flight from zombies. Fire starting, knot tying, shelter building—this is the stuff of scouting and the BSA would do well to re-brand themselves with zombies in mind.
Photo Credit: First Things First
Situational Ethics 2 of 10You teach your kids about right and wrong every day. Throw in some situational ethics while you're at it. It's not easy during a zombie apocalypse. Rules change. You might have to kill an infected friend, for example. No one wants to face these challenges, but facing up to these challenges is what separates the wheat from the chaff or, in other words, the survivors from the zombie bait.
Photo Credit: BizCovering
Leadership Skills 3 of 10Whenever there is a zombie apocalypse a clear leader always emerges. Sometimes more than one, but one will be a renegade with poor judgment and will die. People need a leader. You need to teach your kids to be strong and articulate. They should understand how to make a plan and delegate its parts, giving the most difficult parts of the plan to the most expendable characters. Now, if your kid just is not going to hack it as a leader there is still hope. Teach them meek acceptance and instill in them a willingness to follow the strongest personality and things will probably turn out OK for them.
Photo Credit: Robert Hogan
Ham Radio 4 of 10Sure they can text, pin, and Instagram. But those skills are not going to help them contact other survivors who might be holed up somewhere with silos of food to share. HAM radio will. It's not clear why, but all communications are down during a zombie apocalypse. You can't just call the CDC or the National Guard. You have to use a radio and you probably have to use Morse code. Them's the facts, Verizon.
Photo Credit: DickWhitney.net
Picky Eaters Will Die 5 of 10I can't stress this point enough: your adorable little fuss bucket who only eats Dino Nuggets will die if he can't eat squirrel and choke down raw goat's milk. As a parent, you simply must not tolerate the picky eater. No exceptions.
Photo Credit: MorgueFile
Knowledge of the Classics 6 of 10Read to your child. Specifically, read Lord of the Flies to your child. They may not be familiar with the dynamics of mob rule. It is through great literature that we can learn what to expect from our fellow human beings when the zombies come. SPOILER: It's not going to be pretty.
Photo Credit: Third Coast Digest
Endurance 7 of 10There's a lot of focus in children's health these days on eating organically and limiting "screen time." This is fine during a non-apocalypse. But I feel a greater emphasis should be put on activities that build a child's endurance. Walking, running, and, in particular, running for dear life so a zombie doesn't catch you are great ways to get fit and stay slim! (They go for the slim ones last.)
Photo Credit: MorgueFile
Basic Understanding of Pathogens 8 of 10Insert lament about the gross failure of our public schools in the area of science education here, am I right?! Be that as it may, kids must have a basic understanding of how the zombie virus spreads, incubates, and manifests. Latent zombies, while less frightening, are just as threatening in terms of infection and, sadly, must be beheaded. (See #2).
Photo Credit: National Geographic
Target Practice/First Aid 9 of 10Decide which of these to focus on and then make sure your kids achieve a level of proficiency in one of these areas. Medical training is highly prized during zombie apocalypses. The nurse, doctor, or lab technician often emerges as a leader. Or, the person with a gun who can shoot the straightest emerges as a leader. While training in both would be ideal, it's rare that a child has time to work on both. Anyway, it gets dicey because the medical practitioner is often so principled that they have trouble pulling the trigger on a zombie. Best to separate these skill sets.
Photo Credit: MamaPop
Play Dead 10 of 10Kids love pretend play! Believe it or not, playing dead is actually a viable defense strategy against zombies. A rigid body, shallow breathing, and absolute stillness could save your child's life one day. Practice makes perfect! Keep at it with your kids and before you know it they'll be playing as dead as that possum they'll have to eat in order to stay alive.
Photo Credit: MorgueFile
Good luck my friend. I wish you all the best. And, should the zombie apocalypse ever come, I hope we’re not on opposite sides of a land grab for provisions and precious medical supplies. (See #2). Valle con dios!
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