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I Am Never Going to be Able to Teach Them to Drive

We are deep in the trenches of two childhood rites of passage. Dylan is learning how to tie his shoes and Zachary is learning how to buckle his own seat belt. I may not survive.

At 4 1/2 Zach is now legally old enough & big enough to be in a booster seat, so we are slowly transitioning him from a 5 Point Harness to a high back booster. The thought of not having to perform circus-like contortionist moves when getting him into the car makes me almost giddy.

Similarly, I am very much looking forward to the day when Dylan can tie his own shoes, especially with baseball season fast approaching. Getting out the door for games will be a lot easier if I don’t have to allow for the time it takes to get him into his cleats. For some reason, I always forget about it and then we end up being late.

The problem, however, is that I am apparently a horrible teacher. With even worse patience.

Zach and I ran out to get a few things done yesterday, and since Dylan was in school and we had an available seat, I figured it would be a good time to introduce Zachary to buckling his own seat belt. About 30 seconds in I knew I was in trouble. I was trying to explain to him how to pull out the belt, properly thread it through the arms of his seat, and buckle it. He got exactly none of it. I, of course, thought I was making myself perfectly clear, but he looked at me like I was speaking in tongues.

Then, later in the day, I was trying to teach Dylan how to tie his shoes. Again. We were sitting next to each other and using a few of those fake shoes with laces. I was tying my laces very slowly and giving him a play by play as I did it. He watched very carefully and then, as only a six-year-old boy can, he did pretty much the exact opposite of what I said. He just held the laces and wiggled his hands around and proclaimed the laces tied. Over and over again.

You know how in cartoons when someone gets mad steam comes out of their ears? I’m pretty sure that was happening to me in both instances.

Apparently, our communication issues are alive and well.

I honestly have no idea how I’m ever going to survive teaching them how to drive. I can’t even promise that we’re all going to make it through these little life lessons.

Read more from Meghan on MeghanGWine and From Demo to Dream

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