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I Don't Know How To Ride a Bike

I’m not bitter.

Not much.

Fine, I’m totally bitter.

Because May is National Bike Month and I don’t know how to  ride a bike.  Sure, there’s a chance that I will learn before the month is out, but that chance is slimmer than Angelina Jolie.  If I haven’t learned in four decades, why would I learn now?

Oh, I tried learning. Many a friend and a former friend have tried to teach me.  It always started out optimistically and ended with a “you seriously can’t stay up?” and accusations of feigning

incompetence.  But whatever.  We all have our strengths, and mine seems to be being unable to balance on a bike.

But of course I don’t really begrudge May being National Bike month.

I mean, bikes! What’s not to like? They have wheels and…they…spin… But really? Do they need the whole month to celebrate them?

Our language is peppered with references to bike riding?  “It’s as easy as riding a bike!” “You just have to get back on that bike!” (Ok, that may have been horse, but I’m pretty sure if you’d ever fallen off the bike, the recommended protocol would be to get back on.)  Even Babble’s Kid Scoop has a bike logo.  Because bikes are fun and child-like and easy.

So what does that make me, a non-bike rider?

It makes me ready for June.  Which is National Safety Month. I like to observe it by staying off a bike.

Surely there are other non-bikers out there.  Please join me in reclaiming May as our own.

No shame.

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