Today I received an email from a helpful editor here at Babble gently reminding me that I was lagging way behind my contracted posts and I’d better hop to it. I’ll just add that to my list, I thought wearily.
I don’t know about you, but this summer is killing me. I’m not complaining about the oppressive heat. I’m complaining that this summer I am really feeling the need for a vacation — from my life.
Let me explain. I work full time as a realtor and I work from home with my only co-worker: The Hubs. Summer is my busy season. I blog full time on my own site and I blog here several times a month. I’m writing a book. I am the primary care giver for my two kids and they are home all day every day with us (i.e., no nanny, daycare, camps, etc.) .
Everywhere I go in this house I am met with a mess (some of the messes were caused by me, but most of them were not) or a whiny individual begging to be entertained (notice I said “individual” because sometimes the whiner is The Hubs). In my defense, I try to get my work done in the early mornings and the nights so that I can spend the afternoons with my kids at the pool or bowling or at the movies or whatever fun activity I have planned. The Hubs will pitch in, but his idea of a fun afternoon for the kids is twenty minutes at the pool and then naps for the rest of the afternoon. They haven’t napped in years, so it ends up with The Hubs falling asleep on the couch and I’m the one left to entertain the kids.
I know this is the life I chose, but today it’s kicking my ass. I always thought it would be wonderful to have the flexibility of working at home and being surrounded by my children. It was great. For a little while. It was great when my kids still napped every day and I got 2 to 3 hours of uninterrupted time to work in the afternoons. It will fan-freaking-tastic in the fall when they both go to school all day.
This year I’ve added on all the writing. I’ve always wanted to be a writer and I finally have the opportunity, but creating so much has its own stresses. When I write, I need to be alone. I need to be somewhere quiet. I need very little distraction.
In case you haven’t noticed, I am never alone. I’m not exaggerating. I am never alone. The other day I tried to use the bathroom in peace and Adolpha came in and shut the door behind her and said, “Let’s give you some privacy, shall we?” It was all I could do not to scream “Get out!!!!” That was just me trying to get my business done in the bathroom, can you imagine what it’s like when I’m trying to write?
Today has been one of those days. I need to get a lot done and I need some time to myself. It hasn’t happened. Everywhere I go in the house I’m met with distractions. Right now, my kids are sword fighting in the other room. I can hear Adolpha whimpering that she got hit too hard and I can hear Gomer telling her to defend herself. They’ve both come in my room at least twice in the past 5 minutes to show me pictures that they’ve drawn, to perform somersaults for my pleasure, to “shuffle” dance and to ask if they can have a sleep over together.
I don’t usually feel guilty about the way I treat my kids, but today I do. Today I haven’t had any patience for their interruptions. I have a lot of work that needs to be done and it can’t get done with them constantly interrupting me to ask me if we can go to the pool. I just had it. The noise, the mess, the constant demand for my attention.
Normally I do the bedtime routine and tonight I just couldn’t handle it. I told The Hubs, “It’s on you tonight.” I can hear crying. That’s never good. Now I feel even guiltier.
I have to remind myself that I’m doing the best I can, but today I feel like I’m doing everything half-assed. I still have a month of summer break left with my kids. I don’t have many more years that they’re going to want to show me their somersaults or their drawings. I know that. I get that. That’s why I feel so bad that I pushed them away today.
The crying has stopped now. When I’m done here, I will go up and kiss everyone goodnight and tell them tomorrow will be a better day. I know it will be for them, because tomorrow they get to spend the day with Grandma and Grandpa. Phew! And just in time for both me and my kids! I get a quiet day and they get to have a blast and we’re all happy to see each other when they get back home. Thank goodness for grandparents!
Am I the only one feeling this way?
Be sure to read my daily rants at People I Want to Punch in the Throat where you’re sure to laugh and/or might be offended (it’s where you can find my R-rated rants).
Read more of Jen at PIWTPITT – Why I Don’t Get Offended When Someone Asks Me if My Children are Adopted and Do You Ask Your Child or Tell Your Child?and I Think My Kids Could Be Future Nudists and Am I Raising a Mini Hoarder?
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