Sandra Tsing Loh, author of Mother on Fire, on those scary, scary public schools. Babble.com.
The writer-performer takes on those scary, scary public schools.
If you don’t see yourself in Loh’s new book, Mother on Fire: A True Motherf%#$@ Story About Parenting, well, then you clearly don’t care enough. Or you live in an acclaimed school district (read: you’re loaded). Or your child is not old enough to be on a waiting list for kindergarten. Because for this generation of parents, after love and marriage and the baby carriage comes “What in the hell are we going to do about baby’s education?” (Popular answer: move to Portland.)
Loh, a writer, performer and NPR essayist (who you may recall was fired in 2004 for dropping an F-bomb on the air – long story, it’s in the book) is now, ever since enrolling her daughters in the local elementary, also a staunch defender of neighborhood schools. Mother on Fire chronicles Loh’s jolting, hilarious and emotional school-search odyssey and how she decided to quit worrying and learn to love public schools. I wanted to find out, a few years into her life as a public school mom, whether she thinks she made the right choice. Also, what advice did she have for the public school-curious? So I packed up a tray of mini-muffins and the better behaved of my two children and made a trip to Van Nuys (featured location in much of her writing and stand-in for Unglamorous Suburban Anywhere, U.S.A.) for a play date with Loh and her two daughters. – Madeline Holler
What do you tell parents who can’t pay private school tuition – or sell out their progressive ideals – but who are also a little too scared of public schools?
Well, first, there’s a lot of educational hysteria that’s misplaced. In America, one out of ten colleges is selective. Nine out of ten colleges? You get in. We’re not in a country where six-year-olds are throwing themselves off of high rises after a bad test score. You also don’t have to go to Harvard to be successful in this country. If you’re an English speaker, your kids are already way privileged, in the top five percent of the nation. Then there’s the fact that you’re already worried about your kid – that puts your kid up even higher – you’re a motivated parent! You’re ninety percent of the way there and that’s just because you’re thinking about it.
For middle class parents, particularly educated ones, it’s not as if Junior is going to be illiterate.
Right. They’re going to get educated. Once you actually look in at all the garden-variety schools – go inside, look around – you always find there’s someone teaching their heart out. The kids are learning.
“Sure, maybe for you,” our readers might think. But how do we know? There’s not much out there to go on, except the horror stories from the private school mom with older kids. Or, like, the news.
There’s not good quality advice given out there in terms of specific schools. You know, take L.A. Unified. There’s a lot of good education going on in there. But they are horrible about communication. Type-A, middle class parents, who, granted, could probably dial it down a little, need lots of information. But the school district could also make a few changes, become more service-oriented and come into the twenty-first century. My big pet peeve? No front office person is ever helpful! At McDonald’s, they say “How can I help you?” I think public schools should at least be at that level.
Oh Sandra, you rock. Bless you!
I am so relieved to hear someone speaking up about this issue. I live in a lovely neighborhood with VERY strong public elementary schools, and yet many of my son’s friends and their siblings attend (or will attend) private schools. I just don’t understand it – not the choice to send your child to a private school, exactly, but a feeling that the public schools were never really in the running.What’s interesting to me is that all my son’s teachers and teacher friends are of the opinion that private schools don’t just automatically provide a better education. They might provide smaller class sizes, a sense of security, a pool of parents with similar backgrounds and salaries – but not necessarily the best education. Being a teacher myself (who has taught at both public and private institutions), I tend to agree.Personally, I think a lot of parents are motivated by fear in this arena, and when people are making fear-based decisions, they don’t always think things through or behave rationally. If I could do something about this issue (besides sending my son to public school, which I intend to do), I would. How can we better crusade for the public school system?
I think a quality public school is hard to come by. If you don’t happen to have one then private school is a better option, just because you can’t afford one doesn’t mean that the people that can should be judged. My son starts Kindergarten next year. If public school sucks we will send him to a private one. Not because of our political affiliation(which happens to be none). We aren’t going to wait for the federal and state governments to get their heads out of their a**es just so we look like we are “supporting” our public schools. My child’s education isn’t a political agenda for donkeys and elephants to butt heads over. Time waits for no one. Without capitalism we would all be dumb chimps at our governments beck and call. Every kid in a private school is less money for the public school he/she would have gone too. Bottom line States are most interested in attendance over education. Although not all public schools play that game. I happen to be lucky to be in a top preforming district so fingers crossed we can put our money to a different use other then a private school.Oh and one other note..if parents had more time with their kids they should teach their kids to read at home before school and it would make the rest come much easier. A lot of kids go in to Kindergarten barely knowing their ABC’s that’s the parents fault not the school. My son just turned 4 and can read, he is no Einstein but we have made the information available to him to learn it. My daughter is 2 and knows her ABC’s and learning the phonetic sounds not because she is a genius but becasue we take the TIME.My point is that maybe public schools would be better if ALL parents took the time and energy to help their kids succeed rather then using school as free daycare.(well free unless you pay property taxes, but thats a whole other issue)
would have gone tootop preformingABC’sCarlie…I’m glad yer kids will be going to some school outside the home since your grammar leaves something to be desired…at least you taught them the basics, though. Hopefully they’ll get some better instruction in social values and civics than ideas like “Without capitalism we would all be dumb chimps at our governments beck and call”…oy!
Did you really just make this a party distinction?Bush is a legacy Yaelie with Excetor-level credentials. Further, do you think that the minority rich who actually live in NYC are Dems? Have you met Bloomberg?What really gets me is just the unnecessariness of it all. Because you are right that if people invested their energy and money into public education as much as they did on parochial or high-end private education it would be great for everyone. but the one issue I didn’t hear you talk about is safety. when it comes to the middle class (white, brown, other) I hear safety is much more of an issue than grades, or services. Yes, I’d love for there to be the option to take Russian like there was in my HS on Long Island, but I’m much more concerned about safety and I really don’t think the PTA is going to solve that one, and the way they are solving it is brutal–metal detectors and police.The reality is that the problems of education for most urban situated folks run deep into economic (not education reform) policy, and is very ingrained in the racist insensitivities that still underlying most of the US. White flight to the suburbs has made this effect dramatic in most metropolitan areas.But what is soooo interesting to me is when White REPUBLICAN parents who want to choose a private school usually parochial and want to take money out of the system to send their kids to private schools. At least rich Dems don’t want to remove what little is remaining in the system that could be so useful for those who have to (don’t have the choice) to remain. These are the parents I JUDGE the most. Because they acknowledge a broken system, but then want to break it for those who have to remain in it.So I’ll say that your premise is right. If we supported public schools it would be good. But I think your notion that the problems of public schools can only be solved with grassroots behavioral changes like these without state and federal policy changes at a much broader (meaning beyond education) level is really missing the point.
I’m half way through Mother On Fire and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND it. It’s hilarious and I can’t wait to read it every childfree moment I can get. Also live for the Atlantic column. Who knew I’d be snatching the Atlantic out of the mailbox with such vigor? Thanks for your humor on this subject. It’s getting me through the Pre-K years big time.
Carlie, You had me until you started blaming the parents. Or was it just a chance to sneak in a little shout out for how smart your little juniors are? It’s ALWAYS the parents’ fault, ain’t it? The system is broken, blame the parents! My son is 2 and DOESN’T know his abc’s yet. It must mean that I am completely neglecting him. And what parent do YOU know that is using school as free daycare? That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard! Any parent that gets even a small measure of relief during school hours is not a bad parent, just a tired one. And one that is tired of being judged by sanctimommies like yourself! That way of thinking is getting so old.
Carlie – reading your response just really opened my eyes: we really are a generation of ‘it’s all about me’ and ‘well that’s not my problem.’ I’m happy for you that you have options and that you have time to spend with your children and that your children have no learning disabilities. Your life is perfect. Fingers crossed, I hope you can share some that money or time with others who may be be less fortunate than you. Yes, your children will get a good education and will probably test above their grade level, but what will you have taught them about helping others? I’m confident they will grow up to be productive members of society – and hopefully through your solid parenting and examples, they will have a sense of social responsibility.
Wait, public schools AREN’T free daycare? Damn, I was so looking forward to that!
Well, I did this, put my kid in a marginally served public school because of my ideals. She is now 22 yr old college student.She did not appreciate my experiment! She was not so happy that I let my liberal ideas put her education in jeopardy in a school in East Harlem in NYC (only a dozen or so White children) most kids were disadvantaged because of severe poverty. And the school had a good philosophy but getting the kids educated was not easy.She looks back and does not think our pioneer liberal spirit with her education worked well for her. But I have bragging rights like the author.Once she was HS age she went to private school and to her the difference was between being educated and being is a jail policed by teachers with kids over crowded classes and most kids with behavioral problems. It’s not so easy to change public schools it takes a lot of kids (who are a different socio economic to mix up the school demographics over a least a decade. For a long time most kids are marginally educated and suffer all the ills that are wrong with pubic education in poorly served public schools.
Dewi, are you essentially saying your daughter was hurt by having to go to a school with non-white and rich children? Wow.
Please look over what your write before you post it next time. Your post would be a lot more readable without the “(only a dozen or so White children)” comment.
I went to ‘excellent’ public schools K-12. The description of ‘a jail policed by teachers with kids over crowded classes’ would have rung true even there. I went to a top liberal arts college and spent about a year getting my writing up to speed with the best of my private-school educated peers. I got there, but it was definitely a self-esteem hit at first. On talking to them, I discovered that at their schools, things had been much more relaxed (which might have been helpful for a kid with an undiagnosed anxiety disorder.) Even their bullies seemed to have been less awful (maybe because the teachers had an incentive to keep them in school: ever notice how high a percentage of bully-induced suicide occurs in public school kids? It’s not a coincidence.) There were some pluses: I can interact relatively comfortably in pretty much any setting lower-middle class and up. Some of my friends get a little itchy when stuff goes anywhere below their upper-middle class milieu. The positives, however, are not worth it. I will be homeschooling any kids
I might have, thankyouverymuch. Maybe other people’s experience is different, but you couldn’t pay me to go through that again.