Memo to Parents: Stop with the Shame Signs Already. Just Stop It.

I thought Tommy Jordan was great when he took a gun to his delinquent daughter’s laptop. I shared it and called him father of the year.

But now it’s going too far. There are too many shame signs. There is too much public shaming that does more to feed a parent’s ego than teach the kids a lesson.

Yet another shame sign popped up in my feed this week. Skepticism is setting in on the validity of this one, but regardless, they’re terrible.

It is true that when parents threaten our kids, we should follow through on the threats. So when I see parents selling their daughters’ One Direction tickets on eBay because they were sneaking around to a boy’s house, I applaud their efforts. Then, when I read the eBay listing and see the parents going over the top to publicly teach their kids a lesson, I wonder if they’ve overdone it. Selling them does what you need it to do, telling the world feeds your ego and hurts your kids.

You know that spanking saying, “this is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you?” Well, I think this sort of public shaming does just that and more. It hurts everyone by taking the family and placing them in a viral spotlight and destroying the kid’s esteem.

I’ve been in the center of a viral vortex on the internet before. People said my kids would commit suicide and I would be charged with their murder. People said my kids should be taken away from me. The internet spewed venom, and it was awful.

Parents may think they’re being clever by making their kids hold a sign announcing their indiscretions as punishment, but it is so much more than that. When a grounding that used to happen at home and be known among a select group of friends becomes a public shaming for the world to see, the punishment rarely fits the crime.

So, I’ve made my own sign that I hope you’ll pin, share, tweet, link, and like. Tell people to stop public shaming.

If your kid is being a bully, don’t bully them back. If you make a threat and you need to follow through on it, take the high road. Be the example for your kids and model the behavior you want for them.

Yes, there are consequences to actions, but public shaming is a step too far.

  • My Shame Sign 1 of 10
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    When I need to teach my kids a lesson, I talk to them about it. Making your kids hold shame signs doesn't make things better. Try talking to your kids, or to other parents when you have issues. Shame signs are the new spanking, it seems. Stop it.

    Click through to see examples of what I'm talking about... 

    Image via DadCAMP

  • Sign Shaming Is Bullying Too 2 of 10
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    This is the one that popped up in my feed this week. Some are cheering the parents on, I think it's over the top, I don't even think it's real. Yes, bullying is wrong, which is why sign shaming is wrong.

    Image via The Meta Picture

  • No Respect 3 of 10
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    Gentry and Renee Nickell had their 13-year-old daughter stand on a street corner with a sign reading, "I'm a Self-entitled teenager w/no Respect for authority. I'm also super smart, yet I have 3 ‘D's' because I DON'T CARE." A driver took a photo of their daughter and the pic went viral on Facebook.

    The parents rebuffed the backlash encouraging others to "walk a mile in someone's shoes" before rushing to judge them.

    Image via YouTube 

  • Twerk Shame 4 of 10
    twerk

    Frances Hena had her 11-year-old daughter Jamie stand on a street corner with this sign. She's 11. She was twerking, so making her "work a corner" is appropriate punishment? 

    Not in my books.

    Hena also blames the school for not running the school dance properly and plans to be a more involved parent council member in the future. Now THAT is a good idea.

    Image via ABC News

  • Facebook Shaming 5 of 10
    ohio-mom-uses-facebook-to-punish-teen-434x218

    Nevermind street corners, Denise Abbott hacked her daughter's Facebook and posted this as her profile pic with the words "I do not know how to keep my [mouth shut]. I am no longer allowed on Facebook or my phone."  Denise defended her actions as modern parenting, while others accused her of child abuse.

    Image via TODAY

  • Facebook Parenting for the Troubled Teen 6 of 10
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    Tommy Jordan's rant to his daughter and subsequent execution of her laptop has been seen nearly 39 million times on YouTube

  • Bad Grades 7 of 10
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    Ronda Holder admitted that people would probably call her "the worst parent in the world right about now," for making her son stand on a street corner with a sign proclaiming his 1.22 GPA, but she said, "he'll be okay."

    The mother made her 15-year-old son wear the sign after trying other approaches to get his attention in regards to school. "Until he straightens up his grades and gets his education on track, he'll be working this corner," she said.

    Image via ABC News

  • Riding with Boys in Cars 8 of 10
    Parents-Shame-Daughter-for-Sneaking-Boys-In-Make-Her-Wear-Sign-1

    Here's Jasmine. She's 15 and her parents were frustrated by her drinking, lying, and sneaking around. Their tough love meant having her stand on a street corner blaring her indiscretions. "This is all about love," Jasmine's father Mike explained. 

    Image via WESH

  • Is It Even Legal? 9 of 10
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    Indiana mom Dynesha Lax made her 14-year-old son wear this sign after she was frustrated by the court system only handing out community service, despite many criminal offenses.

    Neighbors then called the police on the mom for shaming her kid. Ft. Wayne officials called the choice unconventional, but not illegal.

    Image via ABC News

  • The Final Word 10 of 10
    shamenoshamegirl

    Positive Parenting Connection has a wonderful piece on what happens when we shame our kids. This graphic sums it all up. Shaming doesn't do anything to build our kids, but everything to destroy them.

    via Positive Parenting Connection

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