My Kids, My Responsibility: On Not Wanting to Ask Family to Babysit
As a blogger I’m notorious for eavesdropping on parents at every possible opportunity. I may or may not do this thing where I stand off to the side and pretend to fiddle on my phone while actually taking detailed notes for upcoming blog ideas. People, it’s not being nosy, it’s having my finger on the pulse.
Just last week at kindergarten pick-up, I overheard a group of moms chatting about leaving their kids in the care of family. Mom A said she felt guilty “dumping the kids” because growing up her mom rarely left her in the care of others. She said her mom raised her and now it was her turn to raise her kids and she didn’t want to take advantage. Mom B told Mom A to hell with that thinking, that’s what grandparents are for!
While I love the idea of grandparents who view an opportunity to take care their grandkids as a privilege rather than a hassle, I tend to fall in Mom A’s camp.
I know my kids are a lot of work and it’s for this reason that I don’t like asking family to babysit. It’s not like my kids are bad, they’re just supremely active kids and watching them can take a great deal of effort. Effort I feel guilty consuming. And truthfully, I feel like my parents have earned this period of peace and calmness in their lives.
Obviously, I’ve asked for babysitting assistance in the event of a wedding, funeral, or otherwise kid-unfriendly occasion, but when it’s just me wanting to spend time with my husband or have a quite day to myself, I can count the times I’ve asked for support on one hand.
Make no mistake, my family adores my kids and they spend time with them at every possible opportunity, but asking for help from Mom and Dad (or really, anybody) just isn’t my style.
Do you rely on your parents for babysitting support?
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I agree. My parents and my in laws are very helpful during weekends, they often offer to watch my son for a fewhours in the afternoon, but I rarely ask. I have only asked if I had to work or, recently, when I was atthe hospital having my second child. I dont want my parents or in- laws to feel tired of their grandchildren, and I dont want my kids to feel like I would ditch them every chance I got. I wanted the babies, I will care for them everyday of my life if I have to. Now, if thekids and grandparents really want to, Im happy to allow them time together. I just want it to be a great thing for everybody, and I would feel terrible if it was an imposition. So far, kid time with grandparents has always been great for all, and I think it has much to do with the fact that it is not an obligation, but a moment all theparts involved chose to share…
My family (mother, sisters and brother) are all very active in my son’s life. I became a single Mother due to an unexpected divorce when my son was only 6 months old. I moved 400 miles so I could be near my family because I feel that I am a better mother with the support of my family. I do lean on my family and they are happy to help out. My son is the first/only grandchild and my mother loves watching him. She doesn’t view it as an obligation but as a treat. It also helps that my Mom is very young – only 52 so she has a lot of energy, etc. If I had a partner I wouldn’t lean on my family as much but frankly is it nice to have a break every now and then and having that support and family by me makes a huge difference. I think every family looks different and there is no right or wrong. But, as a single Mom, I definitely “use” my family for babysitting often. I would much rather they watch my son than someone not related, etc.
I think it depends on the cirumstances. I think it is wrong if you have the grandparents watching your child so that you can go out partying every weekend, or dropping the children off unannounced and they have no idea when you will be back to pick them up. You wouldn’t do this to a baby-sitter, why would you do it to a family member. Having said this, before having J I would agree more with Mom A, but now that we live so far away from family and only get to visit a few times a year, I would treasure the idea of letting them watch him and help out some. I have a hard time trusting anyone with him that is not a family member, so therefore he goes everywhere I do or stays at home with his dad. If we can’t take him somewhere we don’t go. So yes I would enjoy having the grandparents closer so that they can watch him on occasion.
I do rely on my mom(and my parents before my dad died) to baby-sit in an emergency and/or last minute plans/sitter canceled. Most of the time, I make a point to ask my mom if she wants to watch the kids, or if she would prefer me to find a babysitter(paid teenager). More often than not, she jumps at the chance to spend the time with the kids. I don’t feel like I’m taking advantage of her. My kids actually see her less than my son used to see both of them before my dad died. She also requests to keep each of them overnight on different nights, so she can some one on one time with each kid. To be honest, I always try to arrange a sleepover at a friend’s house for my son when Nana keeps the toddler overnight.