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My Sons' 12 Rules for Dating

When I think about my sons dating, I feel like I want to hurl. Not only because of the obvious dangers of casual teenage sex, but because teenage boys are stupid. Too young to know love from lust, funny from offensive, and often, respectful from disrespectful.

I also worry about their tender hearts. I know, total hurl.

I’d like to think that rules for dating are in order. If there are to be household rules on everything from borrowing mom’s car to where they go and with whom, shouldn’t there be rules associated with something as important as dating? Besides, if I’m going to go on record and publish 14 rules for dating my teenage sons, you better believe my boys will have their own set of dating rules to follow.

Without further ado, allow me to present my sons’ 12 rules for dating – may they be better men for them.


  • You will borrow my car 1 of 12
    You will borrow my car
    By the time you turn 16, I will have traded in my mobile hotel room SUV for something very small, like a Smart car with only 7.8 cubic feet behind the seats. If you're lucky you'll have just enough room in there to hold hands.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Dress appropriately 2 of 12
    Dress appropriately
    Don't wear statement t-shirts, saggy pants, or anything else that would give your date's parents reason to hate you. Never mind, I'll dress you.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • You will carry a condom 3 of 12
    You will carry a condom
    I'm your mother, a woman who would rather poke out her own eyeballs than even think about you having sex. That said, I'm not stupid. Be prepared.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Pick up your date properly 4 of 12
    Pick up your date properly
    Don't you ever honk or text for your date. Get your lazy butt out of the car and pick up your date like a gentleman.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Introduce yourself to her parents 5 of 12
    Introduce yourself to her parents
    Don't be a schmuck. Introduce yourself to your date's parents. Tell them where you are taking their daughter and ask what time they'd like her home.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Be a gentleman 6 of 12
    Be a gentleman
    Open her car door and building doors, pull out her chair, and help her with her coat.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Take her on an acceptable date 7 of 12
    Take her on an acceptable date
    Take your date to a socially acceptable date location filled of plenty of people that has good cell reception. I'm totally tracking your phone; I'll know where you are.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Ignore calls and texts on your date… 8 of 12
    Ignore calls and texts on your date...
    ...with the exception of texts from either your parents or her parents. Give your date your undivided attention.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Use your manners 9 of 12
    Use your manners
    Chew with your mouth closed, use a napkin and don't be gross. Hey, I've seen you at home.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Don’t pressure your date into anything 10 of 12
    Don't pressure your date into anything
    You best not pressure your date into even holding hands if she's not ready.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • You will not drink and drive 11 of 12
    You will not drink and drive
    You absolutely shouldn't be drinking, but if you do, don't even think about getting behind the wheel. Call me; I'll pick you both up. I promise I won't embarrass you in front of your date. I also promise to give you hell in the morning when you're battling your first and last hangover.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Respect your date’s curfew 12 of 12
    Respect your date's curfew
    If you ever want to see your date again, you'll make damn sure she's deposited safely into her house before her curfew; her parents are waiting.
    Image credit: Shutterstock

Do you have dating rules for your kids?

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