Dear Silly Celebrity Moms,
Hi, it’s me again. Jen, the opinionated one. Or, as my friend, Tina will someday call me: The Jeneral.
I know, I know. I can’t stop harping on you guys, but you just keep putting your bat sh*t crazy out there and I can’t help myself. I just have a few suggestions for you and then I’ll go back to ranting and raving about minivans and elves.
OK, to start with – can we please, please, please just stop with the semi-naked pregnancy pictures (or post-multiples pregnancy, crazy Nadya Suleman)? I simply cannot stand to look at another (obviously airbrushed) magazine cover of you guys in all your glory. No one looks good. Not even Demi Moore looked that great and she’s pretty banging, so the rest of you look fairly revolting. Please, I beg you, stop posing nude when you’re pregnant. Get your attention fix some other way – for instance, start a blog, I find that works for me.
Also, it’s bad enough when the young actresses are doing this, but when you trot your sad, desperate self out and post an old nude pregnancy Polaroid of yourself on Twitter, I just want to smack you. I’m talking to you, Kris Jenner! I’ll give you props for rocking the granny panties, though.
The next strange thing I’d like to address is the new phenomenon of “Silverstoning.”