Is My 4.9-Year-Old Ready for Kindergarten?
To red-shirt or not to red-shirt
When my daughter was not yet three, her big brother told her she couldn’t follow him to kindergarten because she couldn’t write her name. She stomped off to her art table, returning a few minutes later and thrust a scrap of paper at him. There it was, spidery but legible: RUBY – her ticket to kindergarten. “Now I can go,” she declared.
She’s always been a determined child – her grandfather saw it in her eyes when she was just a week old. But with a mid-November birthday, just two weeks shy of California’s Dec. 2 kindergarten cut-off, she’d be young when her turn for kindergarten came around. Other parents, as well as her preschool teachers, asked whether we planned to send her “early” or give her the “gift of time.” The snarkier term is red-shirting – after the practice of sidelining freshman college athletes so they’re bigger and buffer when they start competing – and it’s become almost de rigueur among affluent, highly educated parents.
I was familiar with the practice of delaying kindergarten for boys who hadn’t mastered the pencil grip or were too antsy to sit criss-cross applesauce through a tedious lesson. But the preschool directors argued a case that had nothing to do with academics or sports. It was about something deeper and less tangible: social-emotional growth. With more time to play and explore, Ruby would grow more comfortable in her own skin and more confident in her ideas. They also argued – and I heard this from parents of older children, too – that even if her relative immaturity wasn’t an issue in kindergarten, it could catch up with her in the social and academic pressure-cooker of middle school.
“Kids develop an early self-concept that school is something they do well at – or not,” said Susan Killebrew, who teaches social-emotional skills development in the Oakland schools. University of Toronto economist Elizabeth Dhuey, whose work on relative age was cited by Malcolm Gladwell in Outliers, concluded that the oldest students in a high school class are more likely to lead student government, school clubs, and the cheerleading squad.
I wasn’t entirely convinced. Ruby helped lead songs at circle time, got high marks for playing well with others, and spent much of her free time drawing tiny pictures and folding them with origami-like precision. She seemed ready enough. Did she also need a well-formed self-identity? After all, wasn’t that what the post-high-school Europe-by-Eurail tour was for?
In a 2009 article, labor economist Darren Lubotsky of the University of Illinois and his colleagues analyzed data that followed children over long periods. The youngest, they found, are far more likely to be diagnosed with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and are three times as likely to repeat a grade. Lubotsky found no relationship between age and other learning issues like dyslexia, which suggests that ADHD diagnoses are more subjective. In a forthcoming paper, Dhuey reports that each additional month of age within a class decreases a kid’s likelihood of needing to receive special education services by two to five percent.
Despite all this, Lubotsky argues against both red-shirting and raising kindergarten age requirements. According to him, both practices have negligible long-term academic benefits and hurt lower-income children. “The differences between the oldest and the youngest are the largest on the first day of kindergarten, and the advantages decrease over time. There may be short-term individual advantages, but delaying the rapid learning that occurs in the first year of school is a big cost for the kids who don’t have an enriching environment.”
In 2002, Deborah Stipek, a developmental psychologist and dean of the Stanford University School of Education, reviewed more than two dozen school-age studies and found that younger students catch up with the oldest by third grade – without any signs of permanent damage to their self-esteem. She concluded that being younger had no effect on “peer rejection, loneliness, perceived competence, and classroom behavior” nor “attention, anxiety, and a variety of social-emotional measures.”
She told me she wanted to go back to kindergarten when she’s six and not so little.
Yet researchers like Stipek who take a holistic approach are swimming against a strong tide: test-driven public education. My daughter’s kindergarten teacher told me that six years ago, thanks to No Child Left Behind, the books she’d previously used in the spring suddenly became curriculum for entering students in September. And most red-shirting data predates those changes. “The extreme focus on literacy and mathematics to the exclusion of all else is out of whack,” says Beth Graue, an education professor at the University of Wisconsin.
It benefits schools to let kindergartners be older, in hopes of them testing better for No Child Left Behind. Over the past decades, states have moved back their age cutoffs, and most now require entering kindergartners to turn five by September. Only five states, including California and New York, have later cutoffs. Consequently, the percentage of five-year-olds not yet enrolled in kindergarten has doubled since 1980, from 10 percent to 20 percent.
Hopefully, the public education system will swing back (perhaps former Bush education advisor Diane Ravitch – who has done a 180 on the issue – will lead the charge, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon). And in the meantime, I needed to figure out what to do with my daughter.
I admit, I find red-shirting problematic. Someone has to be the youngest in the class, and it bugs me that parents with money can game the system so it’s not their kid. At wealthier schools, the red-shirting rate is now 20 percent or more, resulting in an 18-month age range in kindergarten. At my children’s mixed-income Oakland, California, public school, most parents still enrolled their kids when they were eligible. Ruby was dying to go, and so we sent her.
Triumphantly skipping off to her first day of school, Ruby was younger than more than 98 percent of her peers nationwide. She has since learned to write on the lines, read simple books, and has made lots of friends. But it’s become increasingly clear that a full-day academic pace is wearing her down. Her determination has flagged, she’s constantly exhausted and has grown so distracted in class she can’t finish her work. Though she’s at grade level or even a bit above, her teacher has concerns about whether she’ll be able to handle first grade.
My daughter works slowly; she was recently adding detail to a kite drawing in her alphabet book while her classmates were finishing zebras. That’s not a problem now, but it could become one. In second grade, her brother’s teacher is prepping the class for their first round of the California Standards Test. Every Friday, they have two minutes to complete 32 simple arithmetic problems. Some kids just can’t work that fast and end the week in tears.
All this makes me wish I had put Ruby on the slow plan. I recently took her back to spend the day at her old preschool, where she could linger over her snack and perfect her drawings without anyone telling her to put away the crayons for a phonics lesson. She fit right back in. Afterwards, she told me she wanted to stay there and go back to kindergarten when she’s six and not so little.
Am I reading too much into it? Possibly. But I no longer see the “gift of time” as the precious creation of over-anxious parents. I cringe at the idea that her self-image is being influenced by something as accidental as her birth date. And as I ponder the slog that lies ahead of her, I can’t help but want her to have a bit more time to be immature.
This piece was originally published on March 31, 2010
It’s so hard to know for each individual kid. I sent my first, who’s a boy, to kindergarten before he was five. A lot of people advised me to wait, since although he was fine in terms of academic readiness he was a sensitive little soul, but we decided our gut feeling was that he was ready. I haven’t regretted it so far, he is in second grade now and doing absolutely fine, but who knows how things will go later. My daughter is going to be nearly six before she enters kindergarten just because of the way her birthday fell, and I’m kind of glad not to be faced with the decision again.
It depends on the individual child. My 1st grade daughter with a September birthday is the youngest in her class. I had no question at the time of whether or not to start her in kindergarten, maturity wise she was there. Now sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing. Most of her friends have already or are turning 7. With a little help in reading she is doing fine academically. I just want her to have the best shot at being successful. Thank goodness my younger 2 have May and January birthdays!
I turned 5 on the very first day of kindergarten. I’ve always been the youngest in my class, but I was also always on the “gifted” track. I definitely was one of the more sensitive kids in class, and although that lead to me being teased a little, I can’t imagine my parents holding me back and being a complete year behind where my life is now (I’m currently 22).
I think it really depends on each child, and if they seem like they’re ready for school – go ahead and send them. I’m so glad my parents did!
My bro and I both have September birthdays. I started early and was the youngest in my class, my brother started a year later, so, we are almost exactly 4 years apart, but were 5 years apart in school.
The pro’s of being the youngest person in my graduating class by two months: I was mature and academically gifted. I placed in an even higher reading level in elementary school and would have been bored. to. death. if I had been held back a grade. I’d also already gone to a preschool for two years and was socially ready. Plus, kindergarten at that time was half a day, so there wasn’t the concern about the stamina of going through a whole day of school.
The cons didn’t really come about until later in life. It was really not fun to have all of my friends get to drive, vote, and drink before I could. They all went to driver’s ed together, then in college to the bar together, and I was left behind.
But it didn’t keep me from being a leader. I still was president of my class, drum major of the band, student director of the play, top ten in my class.
My brother, who started at the same time as everyone else, struggled in school. He has a learning disability dealing with writing and hated school with a passion. Did starting school a year later affect his experience? I don’t know.
Long story short, from my experience as a student and a teacher it always comes down to one thing: the kid’s readiness for school. And the only person that can really know that is his or her parent.
My husband’s birthday is in July, and he was younger than most of the other kids in his class. His parents decided to send him earlier because of his academic ability. It may have worked out academically for him, but he’s still mad that he grew so much between his senoir year in high school and his freshman year in college – he thinks starting later would have been better for him athletically. (He was an offensive tackle on the football team and went on to play in college.)
Our baby boy is due in July, and I have a feeling my husband is going to insist that we wait until he turns six to send him to kindergarten…
I have a September birthday and was one of the youngest in my class, while my cousin was 18 days younger and started a year later than me. I have always been shy, but being a year older wouldn’t have helped that, and as I got further along, I took a lot of pride in being one of the youngest in my class. As for driving, drinking, and voting later, that was never really an issue. Elections mostly happen in November, so I was just eligible to vote for the first time with my friends, and drinking in college has very little to do with actual legal drinking age
. For the record, my cousin who started a year later struggled academically and socially. She’s fine now, but she had a really tough time for a while. I agree that it depends totally on the child.
My toddler has a March birthday, so there won’t be a choice to make for him, but my infant is a September baby, so I’ll have to make that choice with him in a few years. Right now I lean towards sending him early, but of course I’ll wait to see what he seems ready for…
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It really depends on each child. I feel that you have to use mother’s intuition. You know your child better than anyone. It really is not a big deal to allow them to spend more time with you. If you feel that they are ready, then send them. There are advantages and there are disadvantages and you have to weigh them and make the best decision for your child. Even when they are the appropriate age, you still have to keep a watchful eye on their progress during the year. Teamwork teaching is the best way to do it anyway.
whose to say ruby wouldn’t be having the same issues with an august or september or july birthday? is it really an issue with a generation of kids who have been in pre-school for years already? my son is a september birthday, one of the biggest kids in his nursery school class (with kids 7 or 8 months older than him) and is right up there in terms of academics with the other boys (though some of the girls have an edge), but he’s been in daycare/pre-school since he was 3 months old!! (at least part-time). kindergarten is hardly going to be a shock to him even if it is a little more academic than what he’s doing now.
When we were deciding whether or not to send our son with a mid-sept b’day to Kindergarten before he turned 5 (we did), our pediatrician advised us to consider not how young he would be in K but how young he would be when he graduated from high school-when the stakes would be higher and life at that point would require a different kind of maturity.
My son has a late September birthday, and the cutoff in our state is October 1st. This will make him younger than 99% of his classmates. We are leaning heavily on keeping him back one year, as we have our concerns with the strict structure of the current public school requirements, and giving him a potential disadvantage at such a young age. I highly recommend reading Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell for any parent caught in this situation. I refer to his book as the best non-parenting-parenting book any parent can read. I do not know the exact stats, but Gladwell goes into extensive research in regards to age and academic/athletic performance.
I feel your pain, thanks for sharing with this insightful article.. I feel the same regret about the transition to the kindergarten curriculum, even though I didn’t have to make this hard choice for my son, who is right in the middle of his urban public magnet k’garten class with a Feb birthday (cutoff in Sept). Just like your Ruby, this bright, inquisitive child is flagging at the end of the day, not really ready to focus on dispatching his work quickly and efficiently. I think the (NCLB) kindergarten curriculum is just too much for all of them!
Four year olds aren’t old enough for the new Kindergarten curriculum. In the majority of the country the cutoff for kinder is in September and as someone who has taught in places with a Sept cutoff and a Dec cutoff the difference is drastic between the classes when the average age is four months higher. Also, parents of fall birthdays don’t have to make the decision to hold their kids back because they are on average older.
Kids aren’t ready for Kinder at four and they’re not ready to start college at 17 (and can’t legally get medical care). Moving the Kinder start date to align with the rest of the country.
While this is an interesting debate, it could be theoretical. It depends on the district. Some schools will not allow a student who misses the cut off date by even one day, no matter how much the parent lobbies. I assume you’ve already checked with your local school/district and are willing consider your request?
I hate putting age rules on anything. It should be up to the child and the teacher to see if he or she is ready. At a young age there is no problem transitioning back and forth between grades. Also, some schools are harder than others. My son is 4 and has almost completed kingergarten. It really bothers me when parents keep their kids back not because of social or academic problems, but because of a perceived “easiness” of being older or for future sports scholarships. We shouldn’t be holding kids back who are ready just because their birthday isn’t in the proper month.
My daughter has a December birthday (with a Dec. 1 cutout), and while we heard about other parents considering “red-shirting” we asked the school to skip her ahead for the same reason. She just MISSED the cutoff date, making her one of the older kindergarteners — so can’t we just put her in the first grade instead (she had been in Montessori preschool for 3 years already and excelled)? (We actually tried to put her in Kindergarten at age 4, but this was not allowed by state rules). She was tested and passed, but the school administration convinced us to still enroll her in Kindergarten. Did we make the right decision? I don’t know. Her Kindergarten is pleasant and she enjoys it, but she is not challenged. Should we have challenged her with first grade? Would it have been too much? I don’t know.
We faced this same question. We have a 9/30 cutoff and our son’s birthday is 9 days later. I’m sure we can test him in, but we opted to wait. We felt him being more mature later in middle and high school will benefit him. And, I figure what’s the rush anyway? Finish school earlier, start work earlier and do that whole “daily grind”. Why not enjoy being a kid a little longer. Plus, with his personality, I know he will enjoy being one of the older rather than the youngest. It would not fit well with him to always be “keeping up” rather than leading. It’s just his personality. Good luck to everyone! Parenting is so complicated, isn’t it?
As a fellow Oaklander, I am more interested in what school the author’s kids go to and if she/they are happy with it.
Its a tough choice.
My sister is 12 years younger than me and she begged, and begged, and begged to go to school. She was one of the youngest, her birthday is about two weeks before the cut-off (which was Dec 31st). She struggled, and struggled, and struggled. It wasn’t until my parents moved the whole family to a small town for high school that she thrived. Here we have junior kindergarten, I’m not sure if she went but I think she did. That would have made her 3 years old on her first day of school, and sure *maybe* junior kindergarten is no different than preschool, but I think the expectations must be.
Is it because she was younger? Would she have always been less mature than her peers no matter what because of her personality. Is parenting responsible for her “I’m just a girl I don’t need to know math and science” attitude even though she wants to be a vet? I don’t know, no one does. You can’t raise the same child two ways and toss the child that didn’t turn out as well. And of course grades aren’t a measure of success in life, neither is money.
On the other hand I was the middle age for all my grades and I wish my parents had skipped me ahead when it was offered. I spent most of my school years bored to tears. I spent a fair chunk of my in-class time grading tests and tutoring other kids (even in grade two I was tutoring). I never related well with my peers, I usually hung out with teachers, particularly on field trips. In highschool I was friends with the older kids from grade 9, and that’s not “normal”. I also had some bad luck academically. I was in a grade 2/3 split class in grade 3 so a lot of time was spent on grade 2 curriculum. For grade 4 my family moved to a different school district which was considered to be two full grades behind the one I was in and didn’t offer the same “gifted” level classes (which was why my parents were offered to skip a year). It was awful. Grade 4 was all repeat for me, grade 6 was the first year of middle school so that was spent on review. In fact all of middle school seemed to be nothing but review prep for high school. I was given highschool textbooks in math and science by middle school teachers just to read when I had completed classwork and had nothing to do. I was given highschool level reading by English teachers, but a few failed to take into account that while I could read at a certain level, maturity wise some topics were going to be uninteresting to me (relationships, sex, cheating (on your boyfriend/girlfriend) etc.
Now I have my own kids. People are constantly asking if my 4 year old is in school yet, they have been since he was 3 -and the answer is NO. In my heart of hearts I believe a child shouldn’t start school until they are 7 and I have studies to back me up. But my son is always begging to go and I’m not great about getting out of the house to let him do the activities other “home-kindergartening” parents do.
With his birthday in March he could go to JK this September, but he’s not going. Next year I’ll have to make another decision -do I send him to kindergarten at all, and if I do can I get him into an alternative (but still public) school or do I just send him on to the local school.
I have a feeling I’ll cave, he’ll be in school well before age 7, but unless I move or the school sucks (I haven’t toured it) he’ll be in a multilevel class at an alternative school and hopefully JK – grade 1 are in one room
and hopefully he really can just go to what works for him. He’s been reading since three, but his fine motor skills including writing need more time (and have been a struggle since birth). He’s not really one for sitting so hopefully he can skip “story time” circles. He will sit and read to himself but doesn’t want to be read to. He loves playing with older kids and is calmer and more mature when playing with them. However when kids (of any age) are being cliquey, immature, destructive, disobedient, or mean, etc he has to be the worst of the worst *sigh*.
There are no easy answers as parents. And there is no one-size-fits all answer for school and its really time to stop pretending there is.
I have struggled with this question for all three of my children. They all have late summer birthdays and we live in a state with a Sept. 1 cut off. For my oldest, I had her start kindergarten when she was 5. She has excelled academically from the start, but I do now see social differences beginning to appear. She is in 3rd grade now and there are children who have already turned 10 in her class, rather than her 8 1/2 age (those who were held back a year instead of starting the first year they made the date cut off). There are real differences socially as children age. However, I do not regret my choice because she is not struggling socially and I think that she would not be nearly as strong academically if she had waited a year. Her personality would have most probably led her to boredom and not trying.
My second child is nearing the end of her kindergarten year (again started as soon as she made the cut off). However, while she was more than ready to start kindergarten, her teacher this year was worse than useless. And I am now looking at having my daughter repeat kindergarten at a different school. Because of her late summer birthday, she won’t stand out at all in terms of age and she is petite for her age so she wouldn’t stand out size wise as well. She also has a much more competitive attitude which makes her work hard regardless of whether she has already done the activity before. She wants to be the best in everything so there is never any quarter given.
This choice is will result in our last child effectively being red shirted as well because our two youngest are only a year apart and it wouldn’t be good for either of them if they were in the same grade level.
This is not the choice I ever envisioned making when my children were younger. However, the expectations of what children should be able to do at the end of kindergarten now are quite age inappropriate in my mind (the schools where we live believe all children should be reading at the end of kindergarten which is just not developmentally possible for all/most children turning 6 at the end of kindergarten). With most children in our area turning 7 at the middle/end of kindergarten, reading in kindergarten does become the “norm” and younger children are unfairly treated as being “slow”. Even though it has been shown that academics level out around grade 3/4 (reading wise) for all children, even early readers – school perception of bright & slow children can linger and effect a child for years unfairly.
So, I have come to accept that for my child to be treated and educated as I would like them to be, I need to hold them back an additional year so that they are on even footing when they begin school, and that teachers don’t inaccurately label them in comparison to children who are 12-18 months their senior.
Good luck on your decision, remember you can always re-make it if you think you made a mistake.
Please don’t compare your memories with with what is going on today. School has really changed in the past 10 years. With NCLB, schools are pushing skills earlier and earlier than before. The stakes are much higher. Preschool is the new Kindergarten and Kingergarten is a place where children are expected to learn rather than play. First grade is even more serious! Not only is there an academic push but there are also maturity and social expectations on how your child is behaving relative to other children (not fair, yes, but it’s happening). You are better off enrolling your child in a “Pre-Kindergarten’ class for four-year olds that is different from a 3-year old preschool. This will get them used to a school routine and expectations.
This is an interesting discussion, although moot for me because my three have April and December birthdays with an August cutoff. My son just turned 6 and is almost done with kindergarten and has enjoyed it.
I started kindergarten when I was four (turned 5 October 1st), then skipped eighth grade, so I started college when I was 16. No biggie, honestly. I wouldn’t make a decision on that basis.
Geri, I understand what you’re saying, and to a certain extent agree (MIL was a kindergarten teacher and definitely sees a big difference in curriculum). My concerns, though, about redshirting in a larger context are: 1.) the difficulty in teaching a kindergarten class made up of kids with a *huge* age range, 2.) the chicken-and-egg argument regarding curriculum (i.e., where does the “arms race” end if people keep holding back their five-year-olds?), and 3.) the possibility that this phenomenon may lead to kindergarten classes composed of rich kids who are older and more advanced because their parents could afford another year of excellent daycare or a stay-at-home parent, accompanied by less-rich kids who are younger and less prepared because their parents could not. It would seem that this problem would build on itself.
However, yes, everyone must make the choice that’s best for their child.
As a California kindergarten teacher who did masters thesis on age at the start of kindergarten and math success and the mother of an October 20th boy I was excited to read this article. When parents ask me if they should wait I always say yes. But with my own little guy who is only 2 and a half I am already struggling with the idea of keeping him back. He already has so many great skills and I know that he will be ready, he’s bigger than every 2 and most 3 year olds that we know and his buddies at preschool will be in a different class. So trust me, I get the dilemma from every angle. But the bottom line is I will pay the extra year in child care so that Cooper will have the chance to be a kid a little bit longer. The pressure that is put upon our kids at school and even at home is great. I want to, even though this saying totally bugs me, give him the gift of time.
Even more important than the age of the kid is the daily stimulous they get from us…Talk to them like if you were best friends…ands best friends don’t talk “gah gah” to eachother. teach them by example, have quality times long before their fisrt day and, even though they might not have a shakespeare level´they will surely be ready to the real lessons
I’m sorry but you’re babying your kid way too much. I myself am a junior in high school and I am the youngest in my year. I just turned 16 while most of me friends are 17 and some are even 18. The reason is that I skipped first grade. My parents were quite worried at the time that I wouldn’t be able to catch up emotionally, but honestly, I think that you grow in time with the people who surround you. Now, academically, I’m in the top percent of my graduating class in a rigorous private school. I have tons of friends, and never felt like I struggled.
People need to realise that kids are capable of adapting.
I think you made the best decision!!! there is no hurry at all!!!
You made the best decision, you followed your heart. And to answer back to Sacha, I’m in my 30s and I was always the youngest in my class. I finished high school by 15. And I never thought much about it but now when I look back I started doing some things too early just because my class mates were doing it and it felt normal. I lost my virginity too soon, got drunk too soon and many other things. I am a happy and successful person but when I look back I wish I was a little bit older to be put in those situations.
My son is 5 and at the end of his Kindergarten year. Our state has a Sept 1 cut off & his birthday is in July. He was leaps & bounds ahead of the Kindergarten curriculum all year (he went to a great PK). We have to supplement the Kinder education at home. I feel he is leaving Kinder with no additional skills than when he went in. My friend held her twins back from Kinder, they went into Kinder reading on a 3rd grade level, and then they really struggled with boredom all year. I think parents need to see where their kids are an make individualized decisions. What is good forone kid who is socially immature and/or not ready to read is completely different from a child who is ready to read and socially mature. One size does not fit all.
My child is a 9-11-03 baby. One of the oldest children in his class. I am glad that he is entered a class that I know he is more than READY to tackle. He LOVES school because he KNOWS he is good at it…just that in his mind alone makes me feel like he will concur anything an educator will throw at him. I’m afraid that if I put him in school sooner the chance of failure would have been higher. Once your child feels he is not on par the chances are high that he will GIVE UP sooner.
I was the youngest kid in my class enough that in HS I realized that a good number of kids in the class below me were older too. I did great academically and plenty of friends but dating, sports and first year of college were tough in some ways. I was 13 when freshmen year started and I did make varsity but the coach had to pull me or switch my position often due to the size difference. A 19 year old senior asked me to homecoming when I was still 13, ( he didn’t know he just saw a cute girl) When I wanted to do running start (take classes at the community college) I had to file a bunch of paperwork and be interviewed because I wasn’t 16 yet. I was 17 when I left for college. I think parents sometime forget to think about the other end when you kid is leaving for college.
My husband and I are Kindergarten teachers. Our daughter has a late Oct. birthday. When it came time for her to go to school I felt she was ready and he said wait. We waited. This year she entered 7th grade. Her grades are stellar and she has many friends. We are all happy with our choice. Would she have done as well if she started earlier? Probably, her parents would have made sure of it. But how nice that school is a comfortable place for her.
Why are we in such a rush? Every year I see children come into my classroom at age 4. Is starting at a later age a guarantee to do well in school? No. However we have seen that many of our 4 year olds end up with academic problems. Why? I think most of them are as capable as other students who excel. I think they are held to unrealistic expectations for them. Year after year of parents and teachers pushing them beyond their developmental level becomes defeating. Too many hours at a desk, pressure to write neater, etc. The children grow tired and feel like they can’t keep up. Given time and encouragement I believe all children can do well. Can all children read and write in multiple sentences in Kindergarten? No. Will they? Yes, given time and education.
Stop rushing your kids. Let them be children. If you are looking at school as daycare then you need to rethink your expectation of school. It’s too expensive to just repeat. As a taxpayer I don’t want to pay for your daycare. I do want to pay for the best education your child can have.
These opinions are very helpful. My daughter is a September baby and I’m in a state where there is a cutoff of Sept. 1. Am I allowed to enroll my daughter at age 4 when school starts but 5 the following month? Do I decide or the state of Texas?
I am at that point right now. My summer was consumed with advice from everyone we know should he go or not. I have a 4 year old boy who has an 8 year old brother. The 4 year old has a 11/24 bday. We live in one of those 5 states where the cut off is Dec 31. (CT) The area is wealthy so the children are being held back. We just had our third baby and with the way things are now paying for another year of preschool will be tight. So is my choice is made for me. He is ready his teacher says he is ready,his doctor, friends, etc. all say he is ready. We decided he is going to half day kindergarten. He is so excited. I am so nervous and hoping I do not regret the choice I feel we are forced to make. It makes this big exciting time for him stressful and worry some for me. Thanks for your post. I hope I am making the right choice especially since my husband and do not agree.
are you all faithfull for all this
My daughter turned four in May and attends a tri-lingual school and to my surprise she has added several French and Arabic words to her vocabulary. I’m surprised how school has progressed…
Hello! faeedaa interesting faeedaa site!
If you want to put Ruby back in preschool, you do have an advantage in that she seems to want to go back. Of course arguments could be made that she will grow out of it as well.
I snuck my son in early- Wisconsin’s cutoff is Sept 1 and his birthday is a few days later. He had high emotional and intellectual ability, but still everyone suggested he should stay back a year. He is now in 4th grade and in the gifted program at his public school. He was ready because he had good pre-school and family support (my mom!), not to mention appropriate nutrition for focus. He is a kinetic learner, but not ADD/ADHD.
Ny son has a Nov 29 birthday and I kept him in prescool one more year(which is right now)and 4 months ago I found out that he had obstructive sleep apnea. Before his diagnosis his teacher had wanted me to have him “evaluated”. She told me he doesn’t stay focused although he speaks very well and holds a conversation very nicely, when they are in circle time he would space out. When I told his pediatrician she suggested he see an ENT because she suspected OSA. Turns out he did have it and 3 weeks ago had tonsils and adenoids removed.
All summer I hemmed and hawed about whether or not to send him to kindergarten, but then I thought if he was born 32 hours later he would not be going. That thinking made my decision easier. And then I thought why am I going to rush his childhood. He’s going to be big way before I want him to be so I should let him be a kid. I get that someone has to be the youngest and that had run through my mind too,but then I went back to ’32 hours later’.I did also ask him if he wanted to be the youngest or the oldest…his answer-oldest. So that helped too. Anyway now that half of his 3rd year in preschool is finished I am happy with my decision to “redshirt” him. Had he been in kindergarten now he would’ve missed 2 weeks of school which could have been more of a detriment being that he would’ve been the youngest in his class and have fallen behind.
Everyone believes their child is smarter or more exceptional than the next. I think we don’t give all children(ones that are not ours) enough credit in their own individual ‘smartness’ which from what I can see and read on forums such as these many parents do not. Months really do make a world of difference at this age and my thinking is he will have his whole life to be in advanced situations but he will only be 5 now. Let him be 5!
PLEASE look forward. Think about adolescence and young adulthood. NEVER let your child
be among the youngest in a class when you have the choice to hold them back. It’s not about
age 5, 6, or 7……. it’s about 14,15,&16. Starting college at 17 or a young 18 is unnecessary.
If you value organized athletics the gift of an extra year is invaluable. My boys (now high school age)
were very verbal (both had vocabularies of over 100 words at 12mo.) talked in paragraphs by two and
were early readers. As they matured they developed into exceptional well adjusted students with
disciplined work ethics. Socially, being on the older age range in school is a gift worth giving if you can
give it. Advice from the heart – be gentle with your children. NEVER hit, spank or bully. Discipline only by removing privileges – and do it with out anger. Most importantly – praise in a very controlled way –
10% of “I’m proud of you”, 90% “I’m happy for you, you must feel very proud of yourself. Love them,
protect them, and stay the hell out of their way – It’s their life!
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Kudos to you! I hadn’t thgouht of that!
I have this problem times two. My daughter has a learning disability and was given the option of repeating first grade. I decided to power through and she ended up repeating third grade because of the FCAT. My second is a week shy of the August cutoff here in Florida. He leaps and bounds ahead of the pack at his preschool. He also has a December baby cousin and it would be nice to have them in the same class. I have a tough decision to make!
My son is a beginning of June kid, so he’s always been the youngest in his class and now he’s going into middle school, we haven’t had any issues. His reading level is a 12.9 which is the highest they test for, he makes straight A’s and has a ton of friends. I think it’s an individual child thing rather than a catch all solution.
Why do we insist on babying our children and trying to protect them from “the big bad world”. We can’t hold onto them forever, we can’t keep them close in our arms. They need to enter the real world where they will meet challenges yes, but also real joys and achievements. Holding kids back says more about the parents inability to let their grow up then the child’s ability to meet the challenges of the real world. My daughter will be one of the younger ones in her class, so what? It’s still only a small minority that are holding their kids back, and frankly those parents will be “holding their kids back” their whole lives.
I was born Dec. 17…talked early…read early…went to kindergarten when I was 4 1/2. DO NOT SEND YOUR CHILD TO KINDERGARTEN IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHAT TO DO. I was the youngest person in my graduating class…and now, 3 decades later, am remembered for my “social immaturity” and “awkwardness”. I “developed” later than everyone else. I matured later than all the other girls. I had no qualms about holding my older son back in 2nd grade when I saw him heading “socially” down the same track. I only wish I’d held my youngest back and given him that other year…I believe it’s a life-changing decision. “Been there”…you are SOOOO wrong. I can only hope that your decision to PUSH your child into the “big bad world” will not harm her or give her challenges she cannot cope with. Reading level…ability level…and skill levels are not predictors of when puberty will arrive. And socially, that’s the big difference-maker for teens. I’d rather my child be “physically” mature with or ahead of their class. By the way…the child I held back…he could have stayed back another year and it wouldn’t have hurt him. ALL CHILDREN DO NOT MATURE on schedule…and it is absolutely the PARENT who should make the decision about age-appropriateness for school. There should not be laws about it…there should not be “school” practices regarding the practice…and there should not be parents telling other parents what to do. Funny how the parents that “push” look down on the parents trying to do what’s best. They can’t see that their form of parenting may be just as (or even more) harmful…ask the psychologists and psychiatrists who are treating a multitude of adults who were never able to live up to their parents’ expectations!
The biggest problem with our educational system is the fact that we feel it necessary to lump children into groups and classify them. What we forget is that we need to look at them as individuals. Some children are ready early and some are not. My daughter is also a November baby and missed the cutoff by 6 weeks. In preschool the teachers and direcotrs reccomended she be pushed into the next class because of her academic and social maturity. As she got through pre – k the teacher highly recommenede she go to kindergarten so I searched for a private full day k and she did very well and again her teacher told us she was ready for 1st grade, since I couldn’t afford private school again I signed her up for public school but since she did not hit the cutoff they wouldn’t allow me to register her. I insisted she was ready and they agreed to test her. They did and of the 2 teachers and pricipal that were involved in testing her they all agreed she was more than ready, and they admitted to me that they almost never reccommend younger children got early. I definitely do not think my daughter is an exceptional child but she has always (from day 1) been ahead of the curve and I definitely think she would be bored and less engaged if she wasn’t challenged. If it is true that she “might” stuggle in middle school I am not worried because I know that I will be there to help her through. At this point I am confident we have made the right decision for “her” and that is all that matters.
So did the author end up keeping her daughter in Kindergarten or back to preschool?
Have an early July boy and on the fence about kindergarten. The preschool kids seem to babyish for him but not sure if he has the focus for kindergarten yet. Would love to hear from other parents in the bay area and what they are doing with their July bday sons.
I was held back in 2nd b/c my parents and teachers thought I wasnt soical ready for 3rd. I went from one of the youngest in my class to one of the oldest. It made an world of diffarnce. I tried to hold my oldest back from 3rd to 5th, but due to the teachers and this “no child left behined” it caught up to him in 7th, he passed the 2nd time but barley, i wonder if the school and princepal would have listen to me it would have made a differance.
Though I didn’t read the article in its entirety but I understand the concern regarding social adn emotional growth. My daughter was initialy home schooled and when I decided to put her back into the regular school system she was ahead of her peers but still too young. The Principal at the middle school she would have gone to sat me down and talked with me about how she felt about putting a 10yr old in the 6th grade and the concerns she had. She made it clear that it had nothing to do with how she would perform academically but was more concerned about her social and emotional development along with her maturity level. I am glad I made that decision. Initially I felt she was loosing a year but now that she is 15 and entering 11th Grade, I feel confident as she is well rounded, mature and pretty level headeed.
“Someone has to be the youngest in the class, and it bugs me that parents with money can game the system so its not their kid.” What case is there for the correlation? Why are the “parents with money” able to do this and “parents without money” not able to? Please make the case.
PWM, because people who can afford (wealthy or middle class) another year of preschool are more likely to hold back. being a private school kid once myself i can tell you this is absolutely true.
My daughter has an October birthday and started kindergarten when she was almost 6; but for a variety of reasons, the school suggested that we “bump” her up to 1st grade after her 6th bday. Have there been cons? absolutely, but these were related more to her specific school than to the situation. She is now starting 6th grade, just prior to turning 11. Some social situations are a challenge for her, but she is also just naturally shy (her father is as well). Academically she is tops in her class, and thankfully she is one of the tallest kids and is hitting puberty right along with her classmates, so she does not stand out as being younger. Also, she has always been a fairly sensible kid with good impulse control, which has made things easier for her…she actually seems more mature than most of her older classmates. She is confident and ready for middle school. I think that she would have been academically bored if we kept her in a full year of kindergarten.
That said–I see that many folks note “starting college at 17″ as a con. Who says that kids have to go straight on to college? I can easily envision my daughter taking a “gap year” to volunteer, work, and/or travel, and then go on to college after that. Not every kid has to follow the same schedule at the college end. And as a college instructor, I have seen the difference that a gap year can make to all kids, not just the younger ones.
See what the problem is, is that parents are relying on school and outside sources for child development. My child who just turned 6 years old went to a head start program when she was just 3 years of age. It had a structured cirriculum, taught them the fundamentals of learning not playing. Gave them free time to socialize, but when it came time to work, they worked. I encourage her to be immature, i encourage her to act silly, act like a clown, do whatever she wants pretty much, that will make her happy, but once she enters a class room, she understands that all of that flies out of the window. It is now time to learn, to open your mind to new ideas and concepts. She at the age of 6 coming from a family who is no where near rich, can read whole books, can add, subtract, count money, explain pictures and stories, draw lke you wouldnt believe. All of this, and she still comes home to go crazy with her little brother and sister. So, with all of that said, dont hold your child back because you are afraid of putting too much pressure, challenge your child, they might surprise you!!!!!!
Social adjustment and readiness for school isn’t always directly correlated to age. A 4 year old kid who has been in preschool is probably going to be far more confident that a 6 year old who stayed home with Mom. My daughter started school at 4 1/2. She had two years of preschool under her belt, she could read fluently, and frankly, if she had been forced to stay back a year, she would have been bored to tears. She is now nine, and she has consistently tested at the top of her grade, she has a lot of friends, and she is happy and well adjusted. Her December birthday has not held her back in any way.
My daughter just made the cutoff of Sept. 30 at her school so we enrolled her in kindergarten when she was 4. Her kindergarten teacher was fantastic at keeping an open line of communication and assured me she would let me know if there were any signs that perhaps she should wait a year to start or repeat kindergarten. She had no problems adapting, always receives honors and does well on state testing. She attended an in home daycare with the same consistent kids/learning and she is an only child which I believe worked to her benefit. She is now in 5th grade and doing great. She was a tad shy before, but always participated in activities and now over this past summer has really begun to blossom to become a take charge kind of kid. Her only complaint is that she is shorter than most kids – but she just hasn’t hit her growth spurt yet. I am curious to see the disparity in physical and social development in middle school. Her father and I have always been upfront, honest and realistic with her in regards to the world around her. Fortunately she has gravitated towards friends that seem to be maturing on a level that is age appropriate in my eyes. But we don’t shelter her and I take cues from her on when to address and introduce topics dealing with puberty, etc.
What a wonderful article. I have custody of a developmentally delayed early five year old – we were forced to place her in kindergarden. She is having a hard time, her motor skills aren’t up to par, she still takes naps (well, she can’t at school). She comes home exhausted and she can’t perform the work the other kids are doing. She’s tall for her age so people tend to think she is older and should be capable of doing more. When she comes home, more often than not I hear, “I hate school.” That’s the last thing I want to hear. She’s too old for Head Start, too young for kindergarden and any pre-k type of program isn’t free. Your article was a great relief to read – the child I have is simply not ready – and I worry how much it may shatter her confidence, even though to some extent I was able to bring her up to speed on some thing. Again, thank you for writing this!
I am struggling with this. My son made the cut off by 3 hours (he was born at 9 pm the night before the cut off) He entered Kindergarten 16 days after he turned 5! He keeps getting his ticket pulled for not sitting still and the teacher is questioning ADHD. He is just a young little boy who is expected to write and read when he would rather play and take naps. He comes home everyday and goes to bed. he is exhausted since Kindergarteners have no time to take naps. I feel like I failed him because I started him this year instead of waiting until next. I know he will not be scared and I know he will be ok if he repeats it next year, but I feel like it is my fault he isnt doing well.
My son has a June birthday. He was reading at a 4th grade level in preschool. But he was very strong willed and the teachers said to wait. We waited and many things have been good about it. He is a leader in the class, school is really easy for him and the teacher does some enrichment but he still gets bored. With my 2nd daughter, I wish I had held her back because she has struggled socially all along. She has a June birthday also. And she has struggled organizationally too. She is in 10th grade now and she is catching up but there has been a lot of tears along the way. My 5th grade daughter has a May birthday and has struggled with reading and was less mature than her classmates so in 3rd grade we held her back. That was the best decision for her and she is well liked and her grades are much better. I can’t tell you what to do and wouldn’t presume to do that but follow your intuition. It does make a difference.
I was born on November 10th and started kindergarten when I was still 4. However, this was half-day kindergarten where we learned through play, didn’t worry about tests, and weren’t expected to learn to read until first grade. We took our first standardized test (the MEAP in Michigan back in the 90′s) in the beginning of third grade. Standardized testing has no place in early childhood education!
I was born on November 10th and started kindergarten when I was still 4. However, this was half-day kindergarten where we learned through play, didn’t worry about tests, and weren’t expected to learn to read until first grade. We took our first standardized test (the MEAP in Michigan back in the 90′s) in the beginning of third grade. Standardized testing has no place in early childhood education!
I am born 9/28/71. It was unheard of to leave a child back. I never felt left out in terms of getting a license, or going to off campus bars in college. My best friend’s parents forged her documents to get her in with her same age peers in kindergarten. I am glad b/c otherwise we would have never became best friends : ) I have 5 children born from Jan to Aug. 2 of our sons are born in Jul & Aug. My husband and I never thought of holding them back. Everyone is just fine. I think it is horrible for children having to compete with others 18 months older in age. Like my parents I would rather accel my kids instead of trying to hold them back and thinking there is an advantage in doing so. I wonder if this behavior is fostered in other countries?