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Remembering the Baby I Lost

Today, October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. All around the world, mothers are lighting candles in remembrance of their angels that were lost too soon.

Six years ago I became one in four women to experience a miscarriage. While I may have gone on to give birth to a healthy baby boy the following year, a mother never forgets.

The baby I lost was a girl. I’m not exactly sure how or why I know that, but I do. By the time I lost her, she already had a name. My daughter’s name was Sadie.

I published my very personal diary of loss detailing the pain and confusion of my miscarriage. I also recorded a vlog where I shared the guilt and betrayal I felt toward my body.

But on this October 15th, I simply want to say again, a mother never forgets.

While I’ll never experience the joy of holding my newborn baby girl, know what kind of hair she has, or whether she would have been a princess or a tomboy, I do know that having Sadie in my life for such a short time changed me.

Sadie taught me that time is precious and limited. She taught me to seek grace in times of sorrow. Most of all, Sadie taught me that nothing in life is guaranteed.

Today I light a candle in honor of Sadie, the daughter I never met who managed to change my life in a million ways. May her spirit shine as bright in heaven as it shines in my heart today and every day.

For those who’ve been touched by pregnancy or infant loss, I strongly urge you to visit Unspoken Grief, a website developed by fellow Kid Scoop blogger, and dear friend, Devan McGuinness. Click here to read Devan’s gifts she’s been given through loss and grief.

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